Week 10: in which Sleuth shows off his little Freddie
Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious @mcrsleuth.
SLEUTH’S BIG MOUTH STRIKES AGAIN MOMENT OF THE WEEK
Sleuth was talking to a man of great sagacity, wit and long lunches at Manchester International Festival’s (MIF) splendid launch at Mayfield Station. Sleuth said, in his usual loud voiced manner, “Look at this place. It’s amazing. Why are we spending £110m of largely public money on Factory at St John’s (see here) when Mayfield could be turned into the most amazing and massive multi-arts performance space? What a waste of money. Ridic…” His companion elbowed him and pointed. The person stood right in front of Sleuth was the Chief Executive of the City and Manchester’s money man, Sir Howard Bernstein. Oops.
MIF’S FIRST INSTALLATION SPOTTED IN PICCADILLY GARDENS
Sleuth was returning from the MIF programme launch and passing through Piccadilly Gardens, the location for Jeremy Deller’s festival opener What Is The City But The People?, where a selection of the city’s most colourful characters will parade along a raised 100 metre runway on 29 June in celebration of Manchester’s variety and vibrancy, providing a ‘unique’ self-portrait of the city (see the full MIF 2017 programme here). Sleuth was pleased to see that the MIF lot haven’t wasted any time getting started in the 'gardens', with their first artsy installation for 2017: What Is This Person But An Eejit?, where a hairy-arsed sluggard in hi-vis explores the fractured state of our society by being too sodding bone idle to turn this paving slab 90 degrees anti-clockwise.
SLEUTH SHOWS OFF HIS LITTLE FREDDIE
Sleuth was delighted at the launch of (MIF) to learn that artist Phil Collins (no not that one) is bringing a statue to Manchester on 16 July. A life-sized representation of Friedrich Engels (from the former Soviet Bloc) will be unveiled in First Street's Tony Wilson Square. Engels wrote the Communist Manifesto with Karl Marx, and his on-and-off 22 years in Manchester between 1842 and 1869 were crucial in developing Marxism. Thing is, Sleuth is way ahead of Collins. Sleuth likes to get his little Freddie out and show it off on occasion. People love to feel its weight and to stroke its head. Here’s mini-Freddie at HOME overlooking Tony Wilson Square where big Freddie will soon arrive. Little Freddie is doing what real Freddie, back in the day, liked best. Drinking.
SLEUTH AND NAMES
Sleuth is confused by how people name themselves sometimes. Why doesn’t the charming and affable artist Phil Collins mentioned in the previous story change his name to Philip to avoid confusion with that odious flat-capped purveyor of nothing music, the other Phil Collins. Still sometimes technocrats rule names, titles and even email addresses. Fifteen years ago Sleuth worked with the Manchester Evening News and the email addresses were formatted thus j.smith@men-news.co.uk. This is fine except when your first name is Wayne and your second name is Ankers. Yes the address was w.ankers@men-news.co.uk. After several months it was changed but for a while poor Wayne had to answer the phone, yawning, with “Yea, I know, I know, it’s funny, anyway…”
DAMON ALBARN AND BJORK LAUNCH ALTERNATIVE FESTIVAL
Sleuth hears that Damon Albarn and Bjork feel ‘snubbed’ after being ‘left out’ of the Manchester International Festival (MIF) programme this year. “It doesn’t feel right to us and it won’t feel right for the Festival. Surely we’re part of the furniture?” said Albarn at a rival press conference, in leafy south Manchester…er…Hampstead. “Oooooh woooh, moss, ice, woooh, floweeeers,” agreed Bjork. As a consequence the pair have created a rival festival known simply as MIFFED. “It’s a festival for artists who are precious and sensitive and feel they have right to be paid for performing at every Manchester International Festival,” said Albarn. “Oooooh woooh, treeeeeees, plonk, splash, woooh,” agreed Bjork.
SLEUTH’S TOWERING IDEA
Sleuth hears the latest pair of skyscrapers put forward by developer Allied London within their St John’s masterplan have been approved. They will be 36 storeys, clad in silver and bronze and rebranded ‘Nickel and Dime’ – a reference to the colour of said U.S. coinage. Odd though, thinks Sleuth, this seemingly random nod to American culture on the banks of the River Irwell. What’s wrong with Thruppence and Tuppence? Sleuth thinks there’s a certain ring to Tuppence Tower, though apartment buyers might feel disinclined to drop half a million quid for a small stake of Thruppence.
ALLIED LONDON’S LATEST SCHEME
Following the Americanisation of St John’s Towers into ‘Nickel and Dime’, Sleuth hears Allied London’s Yankophile boss, Mike Ingall, plans to do the same with the next high-rise phase of the St John’s masterplan, ditching Trinity Islands sky-gardens for two new 50-storey PRAS (private rented American snack) towers, ‘Corndog and Twinkie’, which will set a new standard of living, providing absolutely no access and no amenity but rather a constant whiff of Monosodium Glutamate. “I’ve always liked how Beetham Tower sings in the wind,” Ingall told Sleuth, “so when the wind gets up around Corndog and Twinkie we’re going to have huge speakers blast the sound of a purring microwave around Manchester… want some of my Tater Tots?”
SLEUTH’S CANAL CLOSURE/SHOCKED PERSON OF THE WEEK
Tow path closure freezes man to wall.
SLEUTH’S TAXI SERVICE OF THE WEEK
This cabbie ran out of petrol but, Sleuth reckons, that didn’t prevent getting his fare to that Friday pint at the City Arms.
CULTURAL COHESION
Sleuth was in Manchester Visitors Centre watching as tourists piled in and out asking where the taxi rank was so they could be pushed to the pubs. While there he saw something wonderful. A big-hearted local man had noticed the programmes for the Irish Festival had not been delivered so he went and got some and brought them back to Manchester Visitors Centre. Turns out he was the organiser of Manchester’s St George’s Day celebration. Sleuth was heart-warmed, old enmities put aside for some stirring cross-community cohesion. Very Manchester.
SLEUTH BROADENS HIS APPRECIATION OF WORLD FOOD CULTURE
Sleuth was in Asda in Bury and learnt a thing or two about food cultures. He was at the Irish section and saw these. Crisps. 'What on earth are they?' thought Sleuth, 'I really must try them.'
