I’M WRITING THE GREATEST BOOK OF MEMOIRS IN THE WORLD*. AND IT’S ON PRE-SALE NOW. AND IT’S ON PRE-SALE NOW.
MY NAME IS MARK GARNER.
Gordo to some. Lord Garner to others.
I left school with one O-level, a gift for selling, debt collection with blunt axes and dodging bailiffs.
I’ve made fortunes, lost them, been declared bankrupt and started again. More than once.
It’s not how you go down, it’s how you get back up again.
I’ve mixed with gangsters, politicians, pornographers, billionaires, rogues and the Manchester Music Mafia.
For twenty years I’ve published Manchester Confidential – the world’s first, and still best, regional online restaurant magazine.**
I’M WRITING THE GREATEST BOOK OF MEMOIRS IN THE WORLD*.
AND IT’S ON PRE-SALE NOW.
It’ll make you laugh - and cry.
Occasionally, the hairs on your neck will stand up.
Outrageous claims? Absolutely.
I’ve never seen the point in aiming low.
THIS IS NOT AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
Not Roger Moore boring the arse off you. It’s David Niven using charm. If you’ve read The Moon’s a Balloon, you’ll get it.
Truth, honesty and self-deprecating humour. On steroids.
This is a collection of stories.
Like Red Hot Dutch, the world’s first uncensored satellite sex channel, which made me Britain’s least likely porn baron, entirely by accident.
It was going rather well until Prime Minister John Major, elected on a ‘Family Values’ ticket, set his attack dog, Minister David Mellor, on me.
Two weeks later, my pals on the red tops caught Mellor, allegedly, having his toes sucked by an out-of-work actress while wearing a Chelsea strip.
And Major?
Rogering Edwina Currie.
Politicians eh?
Or the dot-com boom.
My website building company, Mintball, led a deal in 2001 that valued me at £60 million in five months, then I lost the lot in three hours flat between a very good pâté de foie gras and a crème brûlée during a long lunch at the Savoy’s River Restaurant one sunny Friday in February 2002.
The toilets there are a very good place to weep with a bit of privacy for ten minutes.
WHAT WERE CLINT EASTWOOD AND GORDO DOING TOGETHER IN THE TOILETS OF MICHELIN-STARRED RESTAURANTS ACROSS FRANCE?
Clint zipped up, looked across and said…
You’ll have to buy the book for the rest.
AND I WANT YOUR NAME IN IT.
1,000 First Edition hardbacks, signed and numbered.
Founding Readers get their names printed inside.
Not on a list that disappears.
In the actual book. ( If you’re shy, you can elect not to be included.)
£30.00 plus P&P.
Proceeds go to rebuild Confidentials for the AI age.
Gordo’s Memoirs.
Coming Spring 2027.
Become a Founding Reader. Reserve your signed, numbered First Edition – name included.
*possibly
** According to Ernest Hemingway
