Sleuth gives a voice to the mouthless

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city each week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious, but not often... @mcrsleuth

Sleuth: "How are you feeling?"

Beetham Tower: "I feel very low."

S: "But you’re so tall, you’re 159 metres or even 554 feet into the sky."

BT: "Yes, but now I’ve got those cluster monkeys looking over my shoulder. It’s like they’re creeping up on me."

S: "You mean the Deansgate Square towers?"

BT: "Well, particularly that South Tower. That arrogant bastard, couldn’t bloody stop itself, could it? Kept on going until it was 32 metres taller than me. That’s 105ft in old money. I’ve been the top dog in this city for more than a decade. Nobody looked down on me. Nobody but the clouds. People on the moors surrounding the city would wave at me, photographers made me a star, politicians and celebrities were interviewed from inside me with the city as a backdrop. I was so proud. Not only was I top dog in Manchester but anywhere outside London. This new fella has really got me down."

2018 11 14 Deansgate Square 2018 11 14 Deansgate Square Dsc 0055
Deansgate Square: 'lanky streak of piss'

S: "Cheer up, you’re still the second largest building outside London."

BT: "Who wants to be second? That’s a loser’s number."

S: "By the way, how old are you?"

BT: "I was born in 2004 and was fully grown by 2006. In early 2005 I was exchanging insults with the CIS Tower, he was sneering saying there’s no way he’d be beaten. Old codger. He’d been the tallest building in the city for 43 years at 122m (400ft). Puny. Then later that same year, he was crying his eyes out. Good times."

S: "But you've had some unhappy moments before Deansgate Square. What about your windows?"

BT: "Now steady on, we all have our health issues. And it’s not as though any of my windows fell on anybody’s head, is it? Not that I’m happy with all these rubber clamps all over my body put there to ensure the windows stay in place, they’re itchy in warm weather. But what really annoys me is the attitude of one of my residents..."

S: "Which one?"

BT: "The one that designed me: the black clad Mr Ian Simpson. How can he live on my top floor and then design something so close that’s taller? What sort of respect is that to show me, especially after all I’ve done for him? He has a lovely duplex here and I also shelter those olive trees he has. He looked down on everyone else and now Deansgate Square looks down on me. I might just shake my head and get him out of my hair, or the next time he emerges from my feet blow the bastard into an oncoming bin lorry."

170616 Sleuth Beetham Tower
Beetham: "I’ve been the top dog in this city for more than a decade."

S: "Cheer up. There’s one quality you have which Deansgate Square hasn’t got?"

BT: "What’s that?"

S: "You can sing."

BT: "Of course, of course. That’s put a smile on my facade. I forgot about that. That lanky streak of piss can’t do that can it? In fact I might give it a go now. Show it what’s what."

S: "No, please, you don’t have..."

BT: "Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh"

Beetham Tower

Like that? Good. Here's something completely different... Code of conduct: how to behave in Castlefield