EXTREMES make you think about opposites.
Movies with too many special effects can begin to grate, it's the same with menus.
On an Italian holiday in Naples last week the best meal was so simple and purist it was almost ascetic. Everything at 28 cover La Locanda dei Borboni was about Naples and its region Campania, the food, the wine, the service. We were offered the four dishes the chef was cooking and we were told, with a radiant smile, there was no beer only local vinos such as the Falanghina – a marvellous Falanghina it must be said.
Neapolitan delightThe result could have been a parochial horror show with limited choice and no room for manoeuvre. Instead the whole experience was wonderful, the paccheri pasta (like fat macaroni) with clams and mussels being a marvel.
The diametrically opposite approach is taken at Artisan, the huge restaurant in Spinningfields from the prolific Living Ventures (LV). This is about taking 'rustic' influences from everywhere, experimenting with them and creating a spectacle.
In terms of design this works.
And Artisan is very big. The 290 cover first floor venue is so large if you walk all the way aound it you pass through Yorkshire. It stretches across three sides of a former 1960s’ office block, then takes a leap over an arcade to an entrance area and the toilets which – ho, ho – include a ‘Bitching Room’ for the ladies.
The bric-a-brac decoration is clever across the concrete space, softening the square-cut floorplan while adding interest. There’s a lovely stretch of herbs growing in mini-hothouses, and fresh art and cunning fittings. The private dining area looks like an apothecary’s lab from a Harry Potter movie.
Stirking decor
The bar is a series of handsome tables offering a range of LV’s hallmark cocktails, plus a good range of bottled beers.
A boss of Living Ventures, Tim Bacon, told me he defined the design as ‘industrial romantic’. Fair enough.
There’s nothing industrial about the LV staff in Artisan.
As usual for this company they resemble the cast of 90210 taking a break in Manchester to get some catering experience. They’re so youthful and good-looking you keep twisting your neck looking for the cameras – surely these boys and girls are straight out of drama school, acting out the role of happy smiling waiters and waitresses? They're so full of positive mental attitude you suspect were they to grip a light bulb it would illuminate automatically.
Part of their joy might be down to LV's award-winning training programmes, chocker with incentives for staff and with career progression routes. LV is to be congratulated on their training.
But maybe not on their menu. Not here.
There’s excellent stuff to be eaten but the range is bewildering in its complexity - although on the first few visits it intrigues you with its curiously titled dishes. Here are a few of the oddities: whole mackerel baked on pine (£12.95); smoked salmon in a can (£12.95); artichoke petals with garlic and herb vinegar dressing (£4.50); baked bread mussels with curry and spinach (£7.50); chorizo and potato pizza (£10).
These are set alongside steadier types including all day breakfasts (£8.95) and gammon, egg and chips (£12.95).
Big big menu
There are stars.
The artichoke is fiddly but a great sharing food. The baked camembert with spiced sugar nuts and beetroot and red onion chutney (£6.50) is a real winner, the salt and pepper pork crackling with apple sauce (£3.50) is a piggy symphony.
Artichoke star
But the mussels is a dish too far (main picture at the top of the page). Yea, it’s fun to put the seafood under a crust but doing so doesn’t do much for the mussels and becomes annoying as you fish for the molluscs. Similarly with the mackerel nailed on its piece of pine, the visual effect might be ‘rustic’ as Artisan requires, but the fandango needed to get at the fish and eat it, makes you wonder why the kitchen bothered (and also how they wash all their rough hewn timber).
Hay baked chicken with lemon, garlic and thyme (£14.95) reveals other problems. If the hay is supposed to add aroma, flavour and help deliver lovely moist flesh then on a couple of recent visits it hasn’t delivered. Instead it’s been dry and bland.
Mostly bland
Indeed, the kitchen at Artisan as a general rule needs to be far more careful across its range of dishes with the seasoning – too much salt is being used – and its timings.
For example they shouldn’t be getting the all day breakfast wrong. On the last visit the dish was saturated with fat with the mushrooms especially greasy and unwelcome. The black pudding had been ruined and the skimpy bacon was as brittle as uncooked spaghetti. The vast pile of bread seemed intended to pad the dish out, make it look value for money.
All day fatfest
That said, other staples such as the steaks, the salads, the desserts are, so far, very good - a baked banana dessert is excellent. The gammon, pineapple, egg and chips is another correctly executed dish.
The underlying problem is that the crazy menu is not necessary and should be pared down. The mackerel should climb off its pine coffin and lay itself on the plate. Seasoning, timing and attention to detail in the kitchen - maybe even the correct use of vast fiery furnaces - should be the priority.
Fine gammon
You can see LV's problem here.
They want the menu to stand apart from its other mid-range dining experiences such as the Grills (Grill on the Alley, Grill on New York Street) so they've gone a bit 'crazy guy'. Tried to do too much, when the design of the place already makes it feel very individual.
Food points of distinction could be achieved more subtlely. Maybe Artisan should concentrate on fish, maybe pursue the comfort food gammon and breakfast line.
Certainly ditch the pizzas - the chorizo and potato effort was a dry and dead thing and should have been called chorizo and crisps. Pizzas on restaurant menus usually denote a panicky attempt to please everybody rather than a focussed restaurant approach.
Chorizo and potato pizza - maybe find some other work for those raging fiery ovens in the kitchen to do
In the end as stated above, given the service levels and design the menu doesn't need to try so hard. Movies with too many special effects can begin to grate, it's the same with menus.
Artisan is intriguing at present rather than appealing. It remains good for groups of friends wanting wide open spaces for spreading out and chatting.
As for the 'industrial romantic' concept it may have helped turn a 1960s' office block into a destination but the menu has yet to complement the look.
La Locanda dei Borboni knows exactly what it wants to be, Artisan is clearly trying to find itself.
You can follow Jonathan Schofield on Twitter@JonathSchofield or connect via Google+
ALL SCORED CONFIDENTIAL REVIEWS ARE IMPARTIAL AND PAID FOR BY THE MAGAZINE.
Artisan, Tower 12, Bridge Street, Spinningfields, City. M3 3AB. 0161 832 4181
Rating: 14/20
Food: 6/10 (crackling 7.5, artichoke 7.5, gammon 7.5, camembert 8, pizza 4, breakfast 5, mackerel 6, chicken 6, mussels 6, banana 7.5)
Service: 4/5
Ambience: 4/5
