‘NICE’.
It’s a misunderstood, unloved word. How we treat ‘nice’ is not nice.
Wood isn’t a restaurant so much as a place to order some food to go with your wine. The star turns are the platters which are really just about selection and assemblage.
Take for example, a text I received about a friend’s new chap:
'He treats me really well and I feel happy and relaxed, but ‘nice’ is the word for the sex.' Ooof poor bloke. He might as well don that cassock now.
But in a world where an ISIS militant is infecting children with Ebola and won’t resign from his post even though he really ought too because he took the ice-cream out of the freezer and then posted nudie pics of it all over the internet (sounds like a fever dream but this is reality people, or at least the Reader’s Digest version) – in this world is nice really so bad? Couldn't we do with some nice? Can't we give nice a chance?
Wood. Wine & Deli
Here’s another word that’s suffered, not overuse and degradation, but instead almost complete neglect. Which is not that surprising really seeing as my friend's mother-in-law made it up. But it is a word which once you know becomes essential to the lexicon. That word is 'turve'.
Turve /tɜːv/
Verb (used with object, preferably alcoholic): To drink with greater speed than your companion, followed by topping up your own (empty) glass and their semi-full one at the same time to ensure you receive a greater percentage of the wine while appearing to be a generous and sociable dinner date rather than a ravening and miserly alcoholic.
Related forms:
Counter-turve: to drink more slowly, thereby ensuring your companion’s greater drunkenness for reason nefarious or otherwise.
Tospy-turvy: result of a night of hard turving.
Origin: Terf (Old English): mead thief.
Both ‘nice’ and ‘turve’ are essential for any review of Wood. Wine & Deli. It simply is an extremely nice venue in which to indulge a spot of turving.
Wood is the new-ish venture from the owners of Cord and Simple, occupying the quarters of what used to be Fyg on Tib Street. It gets its elemental name from the lavish quantities of timber which decorate the place, from the Jenga-inspired bar to the rough-hewn tree trunk stools (luckily there are also comfortable sofas made out of regular sofa materials). All the drinks are served in hollowed-out conkers and the waiting staff wear aprons made of bark. Well, maybe I made that last part up, but it is all terribly deciduous. Warm and rustic yet clean and industrial, quite a feat to pull off with a few old bits of tree.
Wood. Wine & Deli
Wood’s thing is wine. So wine we drank. The list is shorter than perhaps you might expect, but gives the appearance of being carefully chosen and with a good spectrum of reasonable to expensive (by expensive I mean £85 for a Châteauneuf-du-Pape, not Gordo expensive).
We ordered a glass of the more level-headed Cullinan View Chenin Blanc (£4.30/175ml, btl £26.50), described simply as dry and refreshing, but to me was more young and fruity; plus a gorgeous Gewurztraminer (btl £26.50), which tasted of peardrops dissolved in fragrant herbal tea - much nicer than it sounds.
We then moved on to the Marilyn Merlot Bordeaux (btl £42.50), described on the menu as having plummy fleshiness alongside flavours only found with maturity, which sounds like a night out with Brian Blessed, but I can assure you is a good deal less shouty. The wine, while not quite a droplet of the river of human history, is well-made and eminently turvable.
Wood isn’t a restaurant so much as a place to order some food to go with your wine. The star turns are the platters (more of which below) which are really just about selection and assemblage.
Arroz con Pollo (£7)
In order to test some actual cooking, we ordered a couple of dishes from the tapas menu too. The Arroz con Pollo (£7) which was spiced chicken cooked in beer with rice, topped with fresh coriander and lime, served with toasted flatbread and the Spanish tortilla (£6.25), topped with chive cream cheese and smoked salmon. The rice was hefty and satisfying, if not a standout. The tortilla was decent though a little underseasoned, upgraded to pretty decent by the generous ribbons of smoked salmon on top.
On to the eating boards. We ordered The Fyg (pictured top and below, £26) board featuring (deep breath): Serrano ham, Napoli salami, Parma ham, Milano salami, Chorizo, Drunken Goats Cheese, Mrs Kirkhams Lancashire cheese, Blacksticks Blue, Cheddar Barbers, Goats Cheese, Delice de Bourgagne, Brie and White Stilton with Mango and Ginger served with breads, olives, fresh salad, hummus, taztziki, red onion marmalade and sunblushed tomatoes. Phew.
This came very beautifully presented on (what else?) great hunks of wood, ideal for couples to nibble on while gazing into one another’s eyes, playing footsie and all the while trying to viciously out-turve one another. Two things I wouldn’t have minded – a quick explanation from the waitress as to which cheese was which, and some oil for the bread.
Everything is of good quality and well chosen, but also nothing to surprise you here. Instead it’s a roll-call of old reliables, like your favourite band getting back together (and not just to pay a tax bill either).
FYG board
I would strongly recommend Wood for a first date. In this tastefully lit environment you could either meet the love of your life over a platter of delicious morsels or weed out the duds because they don’t drink wine priced over £5.99 and prefer a packet of cheese and onion crisps to all this stuff on wood.
I mention this theory to my companion, who tells me that if other bars in the vicinity are Tinder, then Wood is Guardian Soulmates. It’s true I can’t imagine a hot, sweaty hook-up here. It’s just too darn comforting, well-executed, unthreatening, middle-class, solid, reassuring, polite, lovely.
Maybe I’ll tell my friend to bring her man here for a platter and an education in the benefits of being nice.
Spanish tortilla with smoked salmon (£6.25)
ALL OUR SCORED FOOD REVIEWS ARE IMPARTIAL AND PAID FOR BY MANCHESTER CONFIDENTIAL. REVIEW VISITS ARE UNANNOUNCED AND COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT OF ANY COMMERICAL RELATIONSHIP.
