Week 39 of Sleuth's sideways look at the city

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city each week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious, but not often... @mcrsleuth

Manchester gets another Peterloo 

Sleuth has been hearing a couple of rumours about the premiere of Mike Leigh’s film Peterloo in Manchester at HOME. The 17th October screening has been organised by the London Film Festival (LFF) which in turn is run by the British Film Institute (BFI) and will be the first premiere staged by the festival outside the capital. This is just as it should be because the film is all about the events in Manchester in 1819. Peterloo was where a peaceful protest about a lack of the vote and representation in Parliament was attacked by the local yeomanry leading to fifteen deaths and hundreds of injured. The premiere just had to be in Manchester. Let's hope more premieres come North especially ones that feature and are set in the North.

Peterloo Film
Peterloo by Mike Leigh

Inappropriate movie extra 

Sleuth is a little alarmed there’ll be a red carpet between for the Peterloo screening. A film commemorating a solidly working class crowd being cut down requires its stars to parade down a red carpet.  Somehow seems like a contradiction. Or even a betrayal.

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HOME: unfandangoable

Crap souvenirs are back

Sleuth is an avid collector of terrible Manchester souvenirs as revealed in recent columns. This week though, in the newsagents behind Central Library, a new high of a dreadful set of lows has been reached. Sleuth bellowed in laughter. Here it is; a commemorative plate with Manchester emblazoned across the centre. It depicts very south Manchester and includes Big Ben, a London bus, a reference to the Royal Family with a crown and a headless horseman. In fact the pictures are so south Manchester they are London. The plates are worth every penny of the £12.99 they cost. Sleuth bought three. They broke beautifully as a tram ran over them. Sleuth will be sure to have plenty on sale at the Peterloo premiere in October, it could be quite a hit.

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Pure Manchester

Sleuth and the time travelling restaurant

Sleuth is pleased to see that Manchester's first ever time travelling restaurant is due to open in Ancoats this October. According to Sleuth's mates in the know, as well as hyper-local fermented pond scum and square Dairylea Triangles, time travel is the culinary food trend for 2019. As demonstrated here by Mana, which is promising to serve, as part of its £100 per head, fifteen course menu, 'Next Year's Cucumbers'... with lemon thyme (talk about thyme travel). Sleuth hears the chef is already busy creating new dishes for last years’ menu, including Maine Lobster from Donald Trump’s 2020 election victory dinner and the unleavened bread from Christ's last supper.

Mana Menu

These boots were made for burying

Last week saw the Sacred Spaces convention in Manchester with hundreds of Church of England bishops from all the C of E cathedrals in the UK. Sleuth was in the Crowne Plaza on Shudehill as they were gathering. Two people were chatting about breaking in Doc Marten’s and admiring the new black pair one was sporting. The best line was: “Doc Marten’s are very good, very hardwearing, and especially great for the graveside.” Sleuth wonders if Doc Marten’s have ever seized this niche marketing opportunity. Anyway Sleuth is relieved to learn there was no violence or muggings while the bishops were here. Mancunians will be proud to learn that no bishop was beaten - at least not on the street.

Sleuth's pub quote of the week. 

Sleuth was in the marvellous local that is the Unicorn on Church Street in the Northern Quarter taking a well-earned FIKA, doing no work but complaining how busy he was. He noticed a quote written on the wall. “Kirsten,” he said to the landlady of that name, “Is that your own quote?” “Yes,” she said, “one of the regulars insisted after I said it, that it should be made permanent.” The quote reads: ‘The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink. Kirsten 2014’. Ah yes, the wisdom of landladies.

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Pub wisdom

Sleuth and the Swedes

Sleuth learns a new Swedish-themed bar is to open called FIKA. 'FIKA' means to take a break in Swedish. Sleuth asked a friend, Stephen, who has worked for long periods in Sweden over many years about what a FIKA entails. The reply was surprising: “Having spent so much time there I can conclude with great authority that FIKA doesn't mean take a break. It means taking most of the morning off to drink terrible coffee, eat cake, do no work but complain about how busy you are.” Er, right thanks. Sleuth understands now.

Fika Liverpool
...'but mostly do jack shit'

Sleuth's restaurant promo video which has nothing to do with the actual restaurant of the week.

Geisha walks through a garden, wets her hand and gets naked for some reason. Young muscle man wakes up in Manchester. Geisha (who doesn't look very Japanese, by the way) is now dressed and someone is playing violin. Now someone is banging drums and it might be snowing. Geisha still getting dressed (she's milking this), now she's walking past a pond and playing with a fan. Drums again. Man walks around Manchester. Looks lost. Faster drums now. Geisha stands next to smoke machine. Man is still walking. Someone has a tattoo. Geisha is back in a room. Lots of people playing violin now. Man is there. Geisha is there. End. 

Now please come to our restaurant... er what restaurant?

Lidl's banger out of order

Sleuth was amused this week by the mystery surrounding a giant missing, er, well... make your own mind up, in Albert Square this week. Sleuth attended the launch of the Manchester Food and Drink Festival 2018 on Thursday night, and while the food, booze and music was all well and good, the real star of the show was this banger by Lidl, which mysteriously disappeared overnight following a few gags on social media. Sleuth reckons it's either ended up in a student dorm or bosses removed it after realising that it kinda looked a lidl like a giant sausage turd penis.

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There Thursday night...
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...gone Friday morning

Sleuth and the Bee in the City event: an idea

Sleuth liked how the Bee in the City event engaged so many people and has an idea for how it might be continued. Sleuth’s favourite sculpture ever was the B of the Bang in east Manchester, that giant metal explosion in the sky, by Thom Heatherwick, that stood 56m high, until bits of it started to fall off and it was dismantled. Sleuth thinks in the same place there should now be placed a giant Bee of the Bang, a 56m high worker bee, to mark the success of Bee in the City. Whether bits fall off or not could be optional.

B Of The Bang 5
B of the Bang (RIP)
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Bee of the Bang?

Sleuth and the Northern Monk hipsters

We’d like to say it’s becoming a habit but Northern Monk’s newly opened Northern Quarter bar is only their second after the original ‘Refectory’ at their Leeds brewery and a £1.5m crowdfunding jackpot. Expect to see it rammed with large bearded blokes following the one true gospel. We know that’s usually Port Street Beer House, but that hopster mecca has a major rival now with the Monks taking over the old Kosmonaut site on Tariff Street. After which it’s over to our own Beatnikz Republic Brewing Co opening their own taproom from October 5 a swift stagger away on Dale Street. Now what the hell do those Craft Beat Dudes dress like?

"You know where we can get an Imperial Double IPA sharpish?"

Spice up yer life

PR person: “We want to bring something to Manchester for the Spice Girls exhibition.”

Great Northern Warehouse: “Oh yeah, like what?”

PRP: “The Spice Bus.”

GNW: “A Spice Bus, in Manchester, in the current climate?”

PRP: “Yeah.”

GNW: “Do you not read the news?"

PRP: "No, of course not."

GNW: "Fair enough, can't see a problem with this."

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Spice bus