SCHOFIELD, Confidential's Editor In Chief, decided that Gordo was going to do a review of a brand new gaff in the Northern Quarter. Rosylee.
Look at the pictures, they don't lie. They were really gorgeous, outstanding pastry work with the choux, whilst the sponge would have been given near top marks from Paul Hollywood.
The Fat One had forgotten about this, arriving in the office ready for a meeting at the very grown-up hotel that is The Lowry. He was resplendent in his Caruso pin stripe suit, Church brogues and a tie from Milan. To others, he may have looked like a twat, but the Maestro certainly didn’t think so. Babe magnet was in his mind.
The Lowry meeting was cancelled and Gordo found himself, three hours later, standing on Stevenson Square sticking out like a sore thumb in that beardie Hipster paradise. 
Rosylee
"You can't miss it,” says Schofield. That statement is guaranteed to ensure the bloody place is invisible. (Ah that explains the expletive laden rant you left me as a message. Ed.)
And so it was. Not quite invisible, as it happens, just disguised cleverly as the mentalist cocktail scrum bar, Tiki, amongst a sea of umbrellas selling Mumm champagne.
There it was, the exterior painted freshly white. Rosylee was described to Gordo by Schofield as tearooms “all nicely black and white, sort of Harrogate-ey with French music playing in the background.”
French music? Is it a French cafe?
"No, just go, even you will get the idea".
So Gordo sat down outside, ready to see what it was all about, ordering a pot of tea (£3.50) and a small bottle of Hilden Still (£2.50). The seats are solid, good quality. The teapot, proper heavy metal along with a good-sized china teacup and saucer. The tea is own brand and good. Leave it alone for three to five minutes and your patience will be rewarded. Can we have a jug of very hot water for a fill up as well?
The ladies serving are wearing retro black outfits, with interesting white collars; they look dead cute. Turns out they are pretty cute when it comes to service as well; on their toes with welcoming smiles.
Nice staff
The menu is not an easy one, a number of things look confused and are confusing. Sections themselves are baffling. As a good example;
Steak Crostini (£10.95): Hand carved Marinated Bavette on a Basil Pesto Crostini with Sweet Chili Courgette Fritters, Micro Rocket and Confit Cherry Tomatoes.
Is it usually carved by foot, this Bavette? What, for the majority of the British public, is Bavette?
Actually it's Flank Steak, along with forequarter beef, it’s exclusively used, for example, by MacDonald’s to make their (in Gordo's humble opinion) rather excellent beef patties.
It is also eaten as a cheap cut of steak by the French, cut against the grain, to sort out the toughness and flash fried in most of their 'steak frites'. Again, one of Gordo's favourites.
Now, Gordo decided not to have this. If it came rare, blood dripping on to thickly buttered toasted crostini, maybe a big dollop of Dijon mustard, he would have been on it. But, basil pesto? Chili courgette fritters? Confit cherry tomatoes? Sounds like a nightmare. Gordo knows the chili will destroy the basil and the tomatoes will just get off home depressed.
So Fatty chose Rosylee Rarebit (£6.95). 'Open Toasted Granary Bloomer with Grilled Plum Vine Tomatoes, topped with Rosylee Rarebit, Rocket and Balsamic Vinaigrette'.
Gordo does not have a clue what an 'open toasted' granary bloomer is. Whilst, like most of the menu descriptions, there is far too much information, Gordo thought that in a tearoom, the rarebit, Rosylee or Welsh, would be top of the pride list.
It wasn't, it was a shocker, all bloomin' bread and very little rarebit, Rosylee or not. What there was, was tasteless.
Dead rarebit
The tomatoes were nice mind you, all warm and juicy. But Gordo was led to believe there was a rocket salad going on, with a balsamic vinaigrette. Fine.
However it was just a few bits of cheffy green stuff, with a few cheffy drops of vinaigrette blobbed about and some cheffy balsamic blobs squeezed out of a cheffy squeezy bottle onto the vinaigrette.
Gordo was feeling depressed.
As a matter of interest, Gordo considers Ferguson Henderson's rarebit example, at St. John in London the best he has had. And the easiest to replicate in a domestic or pro kitchen. There's a hint there, get the book.
Fish and chips followed. (£11.95). 'Cod Steak, Battered with Twice Cooked Chips, Manchester Caviar, Rosylee Tartar Sauce and Saffron & Lemon Mayonnaise'.
Excellent fish and chips
The plate looked the business, the two small steaks of cod, lightly and crisply battered, turned out to be things of wonderfulness, the cod cooked just so. The twice cooked chips were good; but why ‘twice cooked?’ What does that description bring to the party? All chips are twice cooked, every one in the land who cooks knows that. Some lucky little chips are ‘thrice cooked’ in the Heston manner.
Gordo is starting to believe that whoever is writing this menu is a frustrated poet.
The lemon mayo was an utter honey and the tartar sauce better than Gordo's. Gordo breathed a sigh of relief. A lovely dish he will eat again.
Two puddings were ordered. Chocolate éclairs (£3.75) and Victoria Sponge cake with fresh whipped cream and jam (£5.25). Now folks, look at the pictures, they don't lie. They were really gorgeous, outstanding pastry work with the choux, whilst the sponge would have been given near top marks from Paul Hollywood.
An attractive pair of red topped mouth pleasers
The descriptions did the business here. Chocolate Eclairs £3.75.10/10 to whoever wrote that description. Just the two words did it for Gordo.
Rosylee is a contemporary take on the great tearooms of fifties London, but the menu has been overworked, the descriptions over-flowery and with not enough classics. And the classics must be delivered immaculately; that Rosylee rarebit was a poor effort. But, it is a soft opening and Gordo feels the place can only get better.
There is a short and very reasonable wine list by the glass and bottle. It shan't be winning any medals soon, but good enough and mostly under twenty quid.
Service was slightly mis-timed but enthusiastic, and when those girls wear their shoes in, it should sing.
Whoever is writing the menu, a quick point. Remember less is more. And think about your ingredients, currently you have more than many fine dining establishments. When you get busy, whoever is on the tools is going to have a nightmare getting this lot out quickly.
Unless he/she gets the brigade in two hours early. Breakfast anyone?
You can follow Gordo on Twitter here @gordomanchester
ALL SCORED CONFIDENTIAL REVIEWS ARE IMPARTIAL AND PAID FOR BY THE MAGAZINE.
Rosylee, 11 Stevenson Square, Northern Quarter, M1 1DB
Rating: 14.5/20 (please read the scoring system in the box below, venues are rated against the best examples of their kind)
Food: 7/10 (tea 8, rarebit 3.5, fish and chips 8, eclairs 7.5, Victoria sponge 8)
Service: 3.5/5
Ambience: 4/5
Rosylee
Rosylee
