IT'S the biggest and most keenly awaited day of the year for the UK restaurant industry - and yet another shitty one (for those that give a monkey's) for Manchester as the Michelin Guide 2016 is published, well, leaked by a bookshop and rushed out on twitter.

Still, chins up, eh? Silly, befuddling, impenetrable tome...

Yes, yes, another year, another snub from those highfalutin Michelin inspectors as the likes of The French and Manchester House and so on fail to bag Manchester one of those elusive little stars for the 41st year on the trot (The French being the last to do so in 1974).

Fifteen new One Stars and two new Two Stars made it into this year's guide. Here they are:

Two Stars: Araki (London), Umi (London).

One Stars: Lyle's (London), Bonhams (London), Portland (London), Dining Room at the Goring (London), Man Behind The Curtain (Leeds), Carter's of Moseley (Birmingham), Gravetye Manor (West Sussex), Woodspeen (Newbury), House of Tides (Newcastle), John's House (Loughborough), The Cellar (Fife), Eipic (Belfast), Ox (Belfast), Greenhouse (Dublin) and Loam (Galway).

Closer to home, Simon Radley at the Chester Grosvenor, Nigel Haworth's Northcote in Langho, Fraiche in Birkenhead, Simon Rogan's L'Enclume in Cartmel and the Box Tree in Ilkley all retain their stars.

The French snubbed for a third yearThe French has been snubbed for a third year

Good news then for Big 'Boro-born chef Michael 'Hair Metal' O'Hare as he bags a well deserved star for his frankly genius restaurant, Man Behind The Curtain, in Leeds (reviewed here by Gordo); while it's another almighty kick in the goolies for Simon Rogan (who holds two stars for L'Enclume and one for Fera in Claridge's) and Head Chef Adam Reid of The French, who surprisingly come away without a star for the third year in a row despite being named the 17th best restaurant in the UK by the Good Food Guide earlier this month (the highest scoring non Michelin-starred restaurant of the lot).

Elsewhere, the Brassica Grill in Heaton Moor (reviewed here) and the White Swan in Fence (reviewed here) are awarded Michelin Bib Gourmands (a recognition of high quality and value), while the Waggon in Bury, the Joseph Benjamin in Cheshire and the Hearth of the Ram in Ramsbottom all retain their Bibs.

It's particularly galling to see Birmingham (Manchester's 'Second City' nemesis) score another star, taking their grand total to five.

Still, chins up, eh? Silly, befuddling, impenetrable tome, put together by a bunch of musty inspectors who probably haven't had actual fun in a restaurant since they last went to a Wimpy in 1973.

Ok, ok, a star is good for prestige and tourism and so on, but in dining-out terms we've never had it better, and how many of Manchester's four million annual visitors do you think would spurn the city because "They ain't even got a ruddy star, luv"? None. Well, maybe three.

And anyway, one of the leading French restaurant critics, Gilles Pudlowski, recently said Michelin had 'lost the plot' - and when the French lot start turning against you surely you're buggered...

GORDO RESPONDS:

Michelin Again. Groan.

Well it’s another year and more results from Michelin, self-styled King of reviewers. Again, Manchester scores no coveted stars. A few well-deserved Bib Gourmands here and there and I, for one, need to take a good look at the guide for new entries and the like.

But currently I’m writing this from a barge/ship/boat (yes, I haven’t got a clue and frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn) on the Canal du Midi in South West France where I am part way through a busman’s holiday. I returned to the place that cemented my love of French food and service, near Bordeaux after a 30 year absence. It’s called Les Pres d’Eugénie, still run by one of the titans of French cooking, Michel Guérard, aged 82. The point being to see where classical French cuisine had got to. 

Guérard is a superstar chef here in France. To be honest, I'm almost wishing I didn’t make the pilgrimage; but more of that in a future article. In the meantime, having re-read my piece from last year's Michelin ‘snub’, I have little more to add. Recent visits by myself and colleague to Manchester's two leading Michelin hopefuls, The French and Manchester House, saw scores nudge up slightly if anything, particularly in the case of Manchester House.  

Regarding Simon Rogan's The French, I am with The Good Food Guide here, who rate it amongst their top twenty UK restaurants. I suspect Michelin inspectors look too deeply into the fit-outs and are not overly keen on Mancunian flash, nor Roganite Ikea. Because one thing I will say, I’ll take Rogan’s food at L’Enclume (maintained at two stars) over Guérard’s at Eugénie-les-Bains in South West France any day. 

After a test meal at L’Enclume this year I would have bet the farm on a third star for L’Enclume. But the difference between two and three stars seems to me to be no more than how much a chef spends on fit-out and perceived comfort. 

In the meantime, what about the rest of Manchester’s restaurants? No-one else this year has come anywhere near the requirements for a star, indeed, most are too obsessed with this dirty food nonsense; a trend that will collapse in on itself in due course whilst real cooking, using the best ingredients available cooked with care, will blossom.

I can’t see what more Aiden and Simon can do to please the Michelin inspectors. But do they need to? Even the mighty (in his own mind) Gordo was refused a table on a recent Thursday evening at both restaurants. To my mind, that is the real achievement for both chefs. Bugger Michelin, Mancunia is awarding stars with its wallet. 

Mark Garner

Publisher, The Confidentials

The Michelin Guide Great Britain & Ireland 2016 is published on 17 September priced at £16.99

michelin.co.uk