YOU COULD say that it’s impossible to swing an elf for fear of hitting a market at any given spot in Manchester city centre this winter.

The market is by no means a whopper. You could certainly make your way around in less than five minutes, should you be in a hurry that is. But why would you be? It’s not that type of affair

Breathe in: Albert Square, Corn Exchange, Exchange Square, New Cathedral Street, Exchange Street, St Ann's Square, King Street, Brazennose Street, Corporation Street, Spinningfields Avenue, Piccadilly Gardens, Greengate Urban Market and now the Manchester Victorian Christmas Market, which is, in effect, the Castlefield Market (the one formerly beneath the arches by Dukes92) holed up for winter. Breathe out.

View from the HiltonView from the Hilton

Manchester has seen more stall action recently than Dot Cotton. Does she work on the market? A laundrette? It doesn’t matter, you get the analogy.

If you’re one of the brave and hearty thousands that have greased yourselves up and squeezed into the frantic hustle-bustle of the city’s official Christmas Markets, and somehow managed to eke out an inch of space for yourselves in which to spend seven hours waddling around the aisles, glancing at stalls but never quite making it there before the lurch of the people wave carries you off again, then first and foremost, well done. You made it out.

Secondly, you may now be hankering after a more serene affair. A festive market experience in which chewing the hair from the back of a stranger’s head is not part and parcel. Fear not, there are alternatives. And not too far away to boot.

The tree takes centre stageThe tree takes centre stage

The Manchester Victorian Christmas Market has set up shop on the corner of Liverpool Road and Deansgate, opposite the Hilton Hotel, in the splendid Victorian Upper Campfield Market hall, sister of the Museum of Science and Industry’s Lower Campfield Market hall, home to the museum’s Air and Space Hall. Both were constructed in the late 1870s.

That’s a lot of halls to take in, but this one has a couple of conspicuous bulb-lit glowing signs outside, making the market easier to find than a Reindeer burger in Norway.

On the inside the market feels as though someone has popped a country fete into an airport hanger. The airy cast-iron ceiling with partly-glazed windows and corrugated sheeting make the scutterings and trade-offs below seem inconsequential, yet, antithetically, all the more personal than the enclosed and hectic goings-on outside Town Hall.

Market stallMarket stall

All too often, markets get fobbed off with this simple tagline: Arts, crafts, music, fashion and food. It’s boring, lazy, a cut and paste job that covers practically every market ever. So you’re not going to get fobbed off, you’re going to get an exhaustive and hefty list of everything we saw. Eh hem:

A lady reading tarot cards, craft beer, a War of the Worlds vinyl record, mulled wine, homemade goulash, vintage dresses for £10, pecan and parsnip cake, a man in a top hat, English lavender cushions, Greek gyros, an old withered wooden mirror, pie and custard, sport bags from the 1982 World Fair, cheese and crackers, craft cider, china teapots and crockery, cherry liquor served in mini chocolate cups, glass tankards, real fur coats for £70, Christmas stockings, personalised stitched pillows, ham and cheese crepes, gold photo frames, trilby hats, Black Cat coffee (served by a beautiful brunette, which helps), curd, cake stands, tweed jackets, a Fanny Bramble cocktail, a bird cage, sheepskin coats, handmade greetings cards, knitted babywear, homemade Cantonese sweet chilli fish sauce, leather boots, silk scarves, framed photography and artwork, recycled nomadic rugs, feather boas and more old jewellery and trinkets than you’d find at my Granny Pegs.

Victorian? Still, who caresVictorian? Still, who cares

Bits and bobsBits and bobs

Yes, you could say that food from ‘Saigon Delights’ and sportswear from 1982 are about as Victorian as an iPad. True. But the Victorian arcade hall that hosts the Victorian Market could barely be more Victorian so, to be frank, they could be shifting robots and laser scopes and it’d still technically be a Victorian Market. Humbug.

And yes ‘Artisanal’ is an ominous name to have hovering above any entranceway. We don’t have an answer for this one. It refers to that which relates to an artisan (a craftsperson). Still, don’t trust it.

ArtisanalArtisanal

The market is by no means a whopper. You could certainly make your way around in less than five minutes, should you be in a hurry, that is. But why would you be? It’s not that type of affair. There’s no rush, no mad push, no need to wing your way around 37 locations in less than an hour desperately attempting to soak up every last sprinkling of festive merriment.

Browse the stalls, have a cuppa, sit yourself down in an armchair, browse some more, try on a fur coat, have a mulled wine, maybe even a slice of cake. Relax. Remember: this isn’t Albert Square so you’re allowed to relax.

Open every day from 10am – 8pm until Sunday 22 December

Follow the Victorian Christmas Market here or @CastlefieldMrkt