Comedy: Jimmy Carr: Gagging Order, O2 Apollo, Friday 21 June
That bloke from every show that Channel Four has churned out in the last ten years or so is embarking on his tenth national tour, Gagging Order. The moon-faced, deadpan, tax-dodging comedian has been known to stray into the dark and controversial now and then - much to the delight of the tabloids (his joke in 2009 about amputee servicemen and having a ‘f**king good Paralympic team for 2012’ went down particularly well). Having said that, Carr’s popularity doesn’t appear to be waning, that’s probably down in no small part to the constant stream of TV and stage appearances. You can say what you like about Jim - but he’s a grafter.
Just don’t go and see him if you’re likely to be outraged by the odd paedophilia joke and brazen use of the word c**t.
£28.50. Get Jimmy Carr tickets here.
Art: Spaceship Unbound, Castlefield Gallery, Opening Friday 21 June
Co-curated with the NQ’s dork-haven MadLab, this contemporary art project uses Margaret Atwood’s seminal post-apocalyptic novel The Year of the Flood as a starting point, exploring the issues of survival in a world turned back to year zero. The exhibition will feature a plethora of artists, creatives, designers, collectives and all-round eccentrics with works exploring survivalist culture and creation mythology, through storytelling, writing, gaming, performance and sculpture.
If the above all seems abit overwhelming and well… wordy, then instead you can head down to the Castlefield Gallery on Saturday 22 June and make your very own solar jar by capturing the power of the sun in silicone. Voila, you’ve got an endless supply of light. Silicone ay – eternal light, car airbags and fake funbags – what will it do next?
FREE, solar jars £5 (booking essential). More info on the Castlefield Gallery here.
ET's finger in a jar should fetch a fair few quid on Ebay
Film: World War Z, Various Cinemas
Blood, guts, ravenous rampaging zombie hordes and Brad Pitt. Hold on… Zombies and Brad Pitt? Will Smith maybe, Andrew Lincoln definitely, but not so much Brad Pitt, he’s too, well… handsome (the utter bastard).
The film loosely revolves around former UN investigator Brad, sorry Gerry, travelling between various locations, Wales, Israel, Korea, Russia, New York and Grimsby (ok, maybe not), attempting to find the source of a global pandemic that has turned billions across the globe into those pesky perennial man-eaters. Shortly after the film was supposedly complete, there was a significant plot rewrite, an entirely new third act added and an extra seven weeks of filming in Budapest – Bet Brad was happy, then again I wouldn’t be particularly happy if something dragged me away from Jolie for seven weeks – less so their 47 children.
Showtimes for World War Z here.
Market: Beer and Bazaar Weekend, South West Manchester Cricket Club, Chorlton, Saturday 22 June - Sunday 23 June
Chorlton Bazaar and SWMCC have joined forces to present the Beer and Bazaar weekend at one of the most picturesque and only cricket ground in Chorlton. There’ll be a range of specialist beers from local and national brewers to whet your whistle, second-hand goodies for hoarders and thriftos, collectable records for musos, food for those gastros, cocktails for wineos and an array of vintage thread for hippos (hipsters). And of course, soundtracking the proceedings are Chorlton’s very own Eighty Six DJs, who rather disappointingly, are neither 86 in number or 86 in age.
The Beer Bazaar: An excuse to be bizarre through beer - It's pretty much goading us to.
£2. Kids free. More information on Chorlton’s Beer and Bazzar weekend here.
Bazaar Beer
Tour: The Only Dark Tour In MCR: The Haunted Underworld, Meet at St Ann's Square War Memorial, Saturday 22 June, 1.30pm
Now and then our editor Jonathan Schofield, not unlike Gollum from LOTR, likes to lead unsuspecting folk down into the murky depths of underground Manchester where he then chains them up and leaves them for dead like the Jigsaw Killer from Saw. Half of this is a fib – I'm afraid it's up to you to find out which half.
Leading you through a dark and mysterious undercroft of the city centre, old stories come alive. There are tales of dead artists, sinister magicians, tragic lovers and demons. You will find the stories moving, tragic but incorporating a few laughs as well.
The tour is conducted in the dark with just the faintest of light to encourage 'activity' of a spooky kind - and to make it easier for our editor to pounce and chain you up.
£8 (not recommended for children under ten). You can book tickets for the Haunted Underworld tours here.
A little known MCR fact: The whole underbelly of the city glows an ethereal blue
Art: Unseen Side of LS Lowry, The Lowry, Opening Saturday 22 June
No, not paintings of his arse, but previously unseen works found scattered around his home posthumously.
As London prepares for its first major LS Lowry exhibition in more than three decades, The Lowry in Salford presents a new exhibition, revealing over a hundred of the artist’s works on paper, oil sketches and paintings that have never been seen in public before. This exhibition will show another side to the artist and his work, one that has until now been largely hidden from view (again, not his arse). The featured works were found in Lowry’s Tameside home at the time of his death in 1976 and include some of his earliest sketches as well as drawings completed in the 1970s. They cover the whole range of his subject matter - seascapes, landscapes, portraits, industrial scenes, surreal figures sketches and a series of mannequin figures - including a sketch of a girl in the stocks being whipped by a smiling conehead.
Laurence, you saucy bugger.
FREE (donations encouraged). More information on Unseen Lowry at The Lowry here.
Lowry's new Paul Smith blazer was buggered - he knew he shouldn't have painted pissed
Kids: Kiddie’s Craft Days, Dock Bar, Media City, Salford Quays, Saturday 22 June, Workshops run from 1pm – 4pm
After the success of the independent artisan fair held at the Corn Exchange last month, the Crafty Exchange has teamed up with Dock Bar at Media City to offer a day of family workshops for all ages. This Saturday families are invited to venture to Dock Bar to be creative and learn together. Each workshop is designed to inspire ideas, encourage creative discovery and spark fresh activities to try at home.
Three workshops are available on the day: Recycled Paper Bead Jewellery (making bracelets and what not. £8), Diddy Giddy Goghs (drawings, paints, glues, collages – and a fair amount of Persil. £10) and Tea Cup Candles (does what it says on the mug. £6).
Best part is the event takes place within a bar – so give the whipper-snappers some crayolas and snatch a smidge of weekend for yourself.
More information on the Crafty Exchange here.
The tea had an almost waxy texture
Music: The Who: Quadrophenia and More, Manchester Arena, Sunday 23 June, 6.30pm
Pete and Roger aren’t ‘alf getting on for rock’n’rollers who once screamed from the rooftops ‘Hope I die before I get old’ in seminal rock anthem My Generation. In fact, they’re both nearly 70 now, I’m pretty sure that constitutes old.
Regardless of their age and penchant for Werther’s Originals and Julia Bradbury from Countryfile, the moddiest of the moddy boys are still touring and still packing-out stadiums worldwide. This time around it’s to celebrate the four decades since the release of their much lauded and emotionally rich 80-minute rock-opera double album, Quadrophenia. The whole masterpiece is to be played in its entirety, back to back as one big story, the way that Quadrophenia was meant to be played.
Yes the vocals aren’t what they used to be (once again, nearly 70 – and Daltrey has had more throat issues than Dot Cotton with chronic tonsillitis), yes Townshend’s guitar windmills are less frequent (wouldn’t want to put his back out) and no there aren’t going to be any exploding drum kits (there's no Keith Moon to add extra explosives) but how many more times are you going to have the chance to see one of rock’s all-time greatest bands? Plus, they play Baba and Who Are You in the encore – keep the CSI’ers happy.
£67-£78. Grab the last few remaining tickets here.
Music: Kings of Leon, Manchester Arena, Monday 24 June – Tuesday 25 June, 7.30pm
KOL have lost a little steam of late. It was at one time that you could barely turn on your TV, radio, computer, mobile or kettle without seeing or hearing something by those Oklahomans. In fact, the band were so omnipresent that in 2009 I once left my house only to be happy-slapped by the whole damn bunch of them.
At their peak, KOL’s Sex on Fire was the UK’s second most downloaded digital single ever as they all rode horses off into the Tennessee sunset to marry various supermodels. It wasn’t all plain sailing though – There was the St Louis Pigeon incident of 2010 which saw a renegade pigeon plopping some guano into bassit Jared Followill’s mouth (show abandoned – lightweights), lead-singer Caleb Followhill’s Dallas Vomit-induced meltdown of 2011 (whole tour abandoned – lightweights) and that stroppy head-shaking worst-performance-ever incident at Reading festival (song abandoned - shiteweights).
But the boys are back touring and with a new album to boot, Mechanical Bull, a record supposedly inspired by definitely-not-gay Hollywood actor John Travolta’s film Urban Cowboy – no I haven’t heard of it either, but you know what these rock types are like, all sex, drugs and tenuous references to influences like Mr Beaver from Narnia and Pat from Eastenders.
£32.45-£71.50. Tickets for Kings of Leon at Manchester Arena available here.
If any of you mention Reading i swear to God I'll...
Film: Point Blank, Cornerhouse, Wednesday 26 June, 1.30pm
Quite simply, one of the coolest and most menacing films ever made. John Boorman’s classic of 1967 remains a landmark crime movie. A high-octane, face-thumping, toe-stomping, bullet flailing Hollywood action movie with just a touch of European style and substance.
Gravel voiced on-screen and off-screen drunkard Lee Marvin starred in the most violent and hard-hitting films of his age including The Dirty Dozen. In Point Blank, Marvin plays Walker, a robber shot and left for dead by his criminal associates in the abandoned ruins of Alcatraz prison. Marvin then basically spends the rest of the film punching, shooting and shagging everyone until he gets his damn $93,000 from the shady criminal ‘Organisation’.
A macho womanising Hollywood boozehound, Marvin once famously got so shitfaced that when hailing a cab and forgetting whereabouts he lived, bought a famous stars’ homes map from a boulevard street-seller and pointing to his gaff slurred “that’s me there”. On arrival Marvin was greeted by the new owner of the house who said but Mr Marvin, you sold me this house four years ago.”
Buy tickets for Point Blank at the Cornerhouse here.
Who ever nicked his rowing boat was in for a shock
