SLEUTH: Hooters For Nuns, Abercromby Protest, Germans Tourists, Swearing

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious @mcrsleuth

'KNOW BELGO WAS YOUR ENEMY'

Say the words 'Belgian Restaurant'. Go on. Odd isn't it? Sleuth doesn't think he's ever been to a Belgian Restaurant. Maybe in Belgium, but Sleuth's not sure even that was Belgian. Italian, probably. But now Sleuth hears a bonafide Belgian restaurant has its sights set on Manchester. Belgo - which sounds a little to Sleuth like some Shakespearean buffoon (doesn't Belgo have his head lobbed off in Richard II?) - is a Belgian bar and restaurant brand that's been slowly seeping across London since 1992. Belgo specialise in rotisserie, mussels and beer. Sleuth's pal, who visited Belgo last year, said: "The mussels are decent enough, but all the staff are made to wear monk habits - which makes it feel like a Hooters for nuns."

Belgo: a Hooters for nuns

SERIOUS SLEUTH AND THE ABERCROMBY PUB

The two hundred year plus Sir Ralph Abercromby pub looks set to bite the dust if plans by a Gary Neville-lead consortium for the Bootle Street police headquarters (main image) go ahead. So a petition has been set up (click here). Sleuth thinks landmarks that go to the heart of what makes this city should be preserved. Especially landmarks that are useful and add variety to the life of the city. The Abercromby is more though than that. Ok, it is a rare remaining Georgian building, along with the Friends Meeting House, in this area, but much more importantly, again with the Friends Meeting House, it is the last witness of the Peterloo Massacre. It was there when this epoch changing event took place in 1819, a victim died in the pub. It is a physical reminder of a vital stepping stone to full British democracy. To demolish it would be short-sighted and morally wrong. It would be embarrassing for a city as ambitious as Manchester, showing how careless we are of the context which created us.

Is The Abercromby doomed?

COMPARE THIS QUOTE WITH ABOVE STORY

The Lord Mayor Abel Heywood said this about the expense accrued building Manchester Town Hall in the 1860s and 1870s: 'We cleared a vast area, and Mr Waterhouse’s beautiful design rose, stone on stone and pillar on pillar. We spared no expense. Every detail we desired to have perfect. To have been parsimonious, to have neglected corners or recesses which were obscure, to have allowed ornamentation which was tawdry, would have been for ever to brand Manchester as a city given up to no higher thought than the quickest accumulation of wealth.'

To smash down the Abercromby for another residential development would betray the sentiment of at last sentence.

SLEUTH & THE CITY'S 'MAIN LANDMARKS'

Last year The Lowry began offering guests fly-fishing lessons outside the hotel. At least that’s what the marketing people told Sleuth. Of course, that was before all the trout made a break for it down Chapel Street on Boxing Day. Now Sleuth hears The Lowry have a brand new unique experience to offer guests… jogging. Sleuth’s told one of the most common questions asked of the concierges at the hotel is ‘where’s the best place for a jog in Manchester city centre?’ “So we’ve created a handy guide to be worn around the neck and used as people run,” says General Manager Adrian Ellis. The route is 3.2km and takes in a number of the ‘city’s main landmarks’, including the ‘Beetham Tower, the Museum of Science and Industry, House of Fraser and Manchester Cathedral’.

Hold on… House of Fraser? Really? That's the best we've got? There's nothing to see from Beetham to House of Fraser? John who...? Sleuth gives up. Though I suppose it’s handy if you need trout bait, the department store San Carlo does a lovely bit of crayfish.

SLEUTH AND THE SAN JUAN

San Juan in Chorlton is a fave with the Beech Road crowd. It was originally opened by a feisty Spanish chap called Lorenzo and then after trouble following lots of late night partying and loud music, Lorenzo left, and it was taken over by an ex-staff member. It is still flourishing but with less noise. Sleuth was in a taxi being told all this by a friendly cabby. “Funny thing is,” said the cabby, “it turns out Lorenzo wasn’t Spanish at all. He was a fella called Richard from Coventry. He’d pretended he was Spanish to give the place authenticity. I once asked what his Spanish had been like. “Terrible,” one of the waitresses had said.”

Lorenzo

SLEUTH AND ANOTHER CABBY STORY

“I picked these Germans up the other day,” said another cabby. “Nice people, good manners. They were staying in Manchester but travelling over to Liverpool for their Europa League game against Augsburg. Weird thing was they’d been to Deansgate Locks and the bouncers at Revolution wouldn’t let them in? Guess why?” Sleuth thought they might have been drunk. “No, they’d just gone out. First bar and all. The bouncers wouldn’t let them in because they were German, told them straight out that was the reason. Terrible isn’t it.” “Shocking,” said Sleuth with a clear idea which way those bouncers will be voting on June 23rd. “Still,” said Sleuth, “the Germans should have known better... the Locks are crap."

Germans locked out

TC REVEALED?

Ever since Giles Coren reviewed Damson at MediaCity, the food and drink rumour mill has been flooding out theories as to the identity of Coren’s Manchester friend TC. As one person who had no idea of the identity said to Sleuth of the review: "...and this guy is supposedly a proud Manc, a 'dynamic restaurateur', if he's so tapped into the scene why's he having to search online for new Manchester restaurants on the train up from London? Only to suggest Hawksmoor and Iberica... two recent arrivals from London. Lazy. Perhaps he should come to Manchester and show us all how it's done.'

Thing is, Sleuth thinks he is. Sleuth hears Coren’s ‘friend’ TC is allegedly Jonathan Downey, but it’s just a rumour of course. Downey, restaurateur, bar owner, and street market creator, is said to be eyeing up market locations (Campfield, most likely) in Manchester, his home town. Strange that he was given the pseudonym TC by Coren though, rather than being up front. Sleuth hates pseudonyms. And so does Gordo.

TC: "This one's shit Giles, oh and this one, oh yes this one is really shit..."

SLEUTH'S MOST RELAXED INTERVIEW

This week, Sleuth’s colleague L’Oreal Blackett travelled to Hale Spa and Country Club to interview the world’s most famous fitness instructor, Shaun T, who’s ferocious workout plan, Insanity, has become somewhat of a phenomenon, selling tens of millions of DVDs across the globe. Mr T was on the road, leading a mass workout class at Trafford’s Event City later in the day, but for the time being he was taking a break by the pool.

“You don’t mind interviewing me in just my robe and pants do you?” T asked, squeezing a flustered Blackett into a tight squeeze.

“His positive energy just radiates,” Blackett would later tell Sleuth. "You can really feel it..."

"I'm sure you did," replied Sleuth.

'Can you feel the positive energy?' 'No but I can almost see it..."

SLEUTH'S DAFT LAW