YOU CAN tell Stockyard is an Americana-themed restaurant in Britain: there are planks on the walls.
This is intended to transform the otherwise genteel Victorian brick surburban semi into a theme, in this case a stockyard, or 'enclosure for gathering cattle'.
Take a closer look at the menu and rub your eyes and sigh. Amongst the ribs and wings you find a whole Canadian lobster with fries and salad for £20
To help us realise it's an American stockyard, as in cowboys, not a British one, as in a Pennine hillfarm with two tractors on bricks awaiting gentrification into 'three country retreats from urban life', there are neon signs with words such as Coors on them.
It works.
All in all this is a very impressive fit out complete with a good looking bar.
The menu reads a bit like Reds True BBQ's and a bit like Almost Famous' in the city centre, in otherwords burgers, ribs, wings, skins and those apologies for food, hush puppies. These are deep fried cornmeal batter and are the lowest life form of nosh. They exist on some plain of food Hell below even grits and nightsoil. You'd rather eat a shoe, indeed a whole Hush Puppie boot. Cornmeal hush puppies give authenticity a bad name.
Eat this Hush Puppie first
Do not eat these hush puppies - the ones above are not from Stockyard by the way
But take a closer look at the menu and rub your eyes and sigh. Amongst the ribs and wings you find a whole Canadian lobster with fries and salad for £20. Downstairs in Stockyard you'll also find a lobster tank with the critters lobstering about. This is set above a huge footpedal-operated sink for washing hands that have rummaged through a cooked crustacean.
All good news.
I have no problem with the pandemic of Americana restaurants sweeping the nation - business is business - but a point of difference is a delight. And this was a delight. Look at the picture at the top of this page, look at the ones below, look at the roe in my Canadian baby.
I ate one claw, then the tail, then the roe (eggs for the initiated) with lemon and garlic butter, then more tail. I finished things off in triumph with the other claw. The cold North Atlantic waters make the flesh firm, succulent and properly sturdy in the tail, but the claws hide the sweet flesh. Here lies the true goal of dismemberment in lobster eating. This is why you are provided with all the strange tools, the claw crackers, those long fork thingies for prising out and poking at the meat. The ceremony of winning the flesh is part of the joy of whole lobsters.
For the record the large salad was worthy, while the mound of seasoned fries added fire and salt to the occasion. The only gripe was I could have done with a bigger metal plate to make the chaotic eating of a lobster a little easier. There were fries shooting all over the place.
Actually I could have done with another lobster but that would have been greedy.
Another main, a Smokey Mountain burger (£11) also came with fries. This was a pulled pork number with decent consistency and good flavour on a brioche bun made much better with a very, very good house barbecue sauce. Fries were fine again, but the whole experience has become very familiar to the diner across the country in the last couple of years. The lobster is the draw in this place, the USP.
A shared pudding of Key Lime Pie at £5.50 showed the level of care in the kitchen. The pie here came with cracked meringue worked back into the mix. It was excellent and we finished the bowl. The wine list is fine but needs more options by the glass to complement the lobster, maybe an Albarino. The Sauvignon Blanc (£4.45) was too blurred, definitely not crisp enough.
The service in the Stockyard on a busy Sunday over my untraditional meal was very good. There was plenty of knowledge shown by the staff who were fully versed in all the ways of the lobster.
Thursday 11 June is National Lobster Day in America - I've had about four press releases about it already. Apparently it's the date US lobsters rose up against British lobsters before becoming independent on 4 July 1776. Or something like that, who knows with these artificial celebrations?
Anyway, I'd stick it to those Yankee rebels if you intend celebrating and go to Stockyard and celebrate the day there with this deal. Remember the lobsters are Canadian and thus stayed loyal to Britain.
Enough of the nonsense.
What with the superb Altrincham Market just down the hill, now this, it appears things are improving for the first time in the plush south west Manchester suburbs since Michelin-starred chef Paul Kitching upped sticks and left for Edinburgh in 2009.
Certainly the decision to put lobster on the menu seems inspired at Stockyard. As I polished off mine at least seven more lobsters were circulated around the room. The music of claw crackers rang out.
The flag of independent lobsters You can follow Jonathan Schofield on Twitter @JonathSchofield or connect via Google+
All scored reviews are unannounced, impartial, paid for by Confidential and completely independent of any commerical relationship.
Stockyard, 106 - 108 Ashley Road, Hale, WA14 2UN. 0161 928 2343
Rating: 14.5/20 (remember venues are rated against the best examples of their type - see yellow box below)
Food: 7.5/10 (lobster and fries 8, burger 7, lime pie 7)
Service: 3.5/5
Ambience: 3.5/5
PLEASE NOTE: Venues are rated against the best examples of their kind: fine dining against the best fine dining, cafes against the best cafes. Following on from this the scores represent: 1-5 saw your leg off and eat it, 6-9 get a DVD, 10-11 if you must, 12-13 if you’re passing,14-15 worth a trip,16-17 very good, 17-18 exceptional, 19 pure quality, 20 perfect. More than 20, we get carried away.
