IS MONTON the new Chorlton? But surely everyone knows Urmston is the new Chorlton? No wait, that’s Levenshulme, and it has been for the last ten years, in fact ever since Chorlton became the most recent current Chorlton (that was when the cum-Hardy got dropped in a rebranding exercise, because it was making people snigger too much). Maybe it’s Salford’s Didsbury. Or will be if you invest in property now, before it’s too late. Though that’s what they said about Levvy…
So I’m happy to report that Monton hasn’t tipped over into jam jars and slates-for-plates territory just yet
Seriously though, what does all this estate-agent waffle have to do with a recently opened Turkish joint in a village near Eccles? And why all the chat about chuffing Chorlton (pardon my chs)? Well (adjusting my socioeconomic commentator hat) that is just one, highly pertinent example of how restaurants follow potential homebuyers and homebuyers follow restaurants in a vicious cycle of gazumpmanship and sharing platters. Burton Road - that West Didsbury artery now permanently furred up with temples of gastronomy - is another case in point, demonstrating how a place just needs to reach a critical mass and it becomes a foodie ‘destination’ and unaffordable suburb concomitantly.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Well of course it’s good to attract (hat starts spinning furiously, falls off head) 'footfall' and broaden the amenities available to locals and visitors alike; but bad if it means stretches of identikit eateries dedicated to trends over taste.
La Turka, MontonSo I’m happy to report that Monton hasn’t tipped over into jam jars and slates-for-plates territory just yet, at least if the latest opening La Turka is anything to go by. This place is not chasing the cool factor (unless those drinks menus are a new ironic fad I’ve missed). Being the elegant creature I am I headed straight for the ‘classy martinis’ section of the menu (a genuine cocktail subcategory) and ordered myself a pornstar (as in the drink, we are in Monton, not Miami, people).
Our visit was on a Tuesday night: Monton clearly doesn’t need any life injecting into it if the crowd was anything to go by. The place was so overwhelmed our drinks didn’t arrive until well after our shared starter, the Lux mezze sharing platter for two (consisting of hummus, spinach with yoghurt, Circassian chicken, aubergine salad, salmon bruschetta, feta triangles, halloumi, Turkish sausage and stuffed vine leaves, £13.95) which proved to be a mixed bag.
Lux mezzeThe hummus was quite thin (which I didn’t mind) but the flavour tipped decidedly away from garlic and much more over into the sesame than I am comfortable with. The halloumi and sausage were good, the stuffed vine leaves were pretty standard (i.e. good if you like envelopes made of damp leaves filled with cold wet rice). The salmon bruschetta was an unusual but enjoyable addition.
On the downside, the Circassian chicken tasted like those weird little pots of sandwich filling your nana buys, the yoghurt spinach appeared to be made with decidedly more mayonnaise than is strictly authentic and the feta parcels were more like tepid parcels – the oil had clearly not been hot enough when cooking, resulting in pale, greasy pastry, definitely a sign of a rushed kitchen which is a shame as the filling was delicious.
For mains we chose paprika lamb (£13.95, main image), which was served in a pie dish with ‘seasonal vegetables’, which oddly made it look like a pub dinner that had lost its way somewhere around the Bosphorus, but the lamb was fantastically tender, if a bit underseasoned.
The homemade doner kebab (£12.95) looked like a dog’s dinner but definitely tasted like a human’s. No one expects beauty from a doner and the flavour of the lamb was good, and the meat nicely crisped. It was basically a superior version of that end of the night ‘treat’ without the lashings of guilt and chilli sauce which add so much to the experience.
I did suffer some menu-envy though – the table next to us ordered Lord of the Grill (£31 for two), a huge heap of charcoal-grilled flesh which brought me out in the meat sweats just looking at it. When Confidential does the top ten meatiest feasts that is definitely going on the list.
Paprika lamb
Doner kebabThe portions are generous at La Turka, so we skipped desserts and went straight for Turkish coffee (£2.30), which was served thoroughly, genuinely, right down to its deoxyribonucleic acid, black; and even though I shied away from ‘strong’ (realising this is code for teeth-dissolving rocket fuel from hell), ‘medium’ had plenty of pep in its step.
The best thing about La Turka is that it somehow effortlessly summons up that I’m-on-holiday-everything’s-great feeling without doing anything in particular to bring it about. It’s not the décor, as although that’s a light, airy space which looks pleasant enough, it certainly hasn’t been themed or designed to death (unlike, say, Palate). The food was pretty average, if hearty and in plentiful proportions. I can’t say why I enjoyed myself really, just that alchemy that comes together sometimes. If I was an estate agent I might say it was ‘brimming with character’ or had ‘a good vibe’ but then you would assume I was lying so I won’t.
If I lived in this neck of the woods (which sadly looks increasingly unlikely as the hype intensifies) I’d possibly visit again in the evening, if only to try out the Lord of the Grill, and definitely in the day for the amazing looking Turkish breakfast menu. The Monton dream is just a Rightmove away.
All scored reviews are unannounced, impartial, paid for by Confidential and completely independent of any commerical relationship.
La Turka, 168 Monton Road, Monton, Eccles, Greater Manchester, M30 9GA
Rating: 12.5/20
Food: 5/10 (mezze sharing platter 5, doner 5, paprika lamb 5)
Service: 3.5/5 friendly, likeable but rushed off their feet.
Ambience: 4/5 A shot of sunshine in Eccles
Recommended: the breakfast (or brunch if you’re Montonista) menu looks great
Give a miss: Wavering veggies might struggle.
PLEASE NOTE: Venues are rated against the best examples of their kind: fine dining against the best fine dining, cafes against the best cafes. Following on from this the scores represent: 1-5 saw your leg off and eat it, 6-9 get a DVD, 10-11 if you must, 12-13 if you’re passing,14-15 worth a trip,16-17 very good, 17-18 exceptional, 19 pure quality, 20 perfect. More than 20, we get carried away.
La Turka
