NOW, this may seem like an odd statement given that currently any empty space in the city has at least a dozen restaurateurs and venture capitalists banging down the doors ready to plug the hole, but Manchester is rife with lost restaurant opportunities.
...any glamour within Brown’s is all of Heathcote’s making
The Whitworth Gallery, for example, one of the city’s most stunning dining spaces, cantilevering out as it does into the trees of the surrounding park, doesn’t open at night. Madness. Neither does the Royal Exchange’s restaurant (at least past curtains up), or the Town Hall’s stately Sculpture Hall, which packs in at 4pm.
What else? Why the Hilton still persists with Cloud 23 instead of a restaurant I don’t know. And what happened to the Le Mont dining space on the top of Urbis?
Well, Brown’s, like much of upper King Street, has long felt like a wasted opportunity.
Brown'sHoused within one of Charles Heathcote's most opulent Edwardian Baroque buildings, Brown’s (you might remember it as one of the worst boozers in the city – Athenaeum) is a brasserie by Mitchells & Butlers, the operator behind such fellow King Street mediocrities as All Bar One and Miller & Carter, as well as Sizzling Pubs, Harvester and Toby Carvery.
And it feels like it. Whilst a brasserie should have whiffs of Parisian glamour, of bow-tied waiters whirling high trays of steak tartare and Fine de Claire oysters between tightly packed, white table clothed tables occupied by drinkers, thinkers and smokers (Covent Garden’s Balthazar does this fantastically, not smoking, that's still banned), any glamour within Brown’s is all of Heathcote’s making. Detail is an afterthought, a distraction. Cocked chairs peep out from tables, the backs of menus glisten with the imprint of sticky thumbs, while up high the time zone clocks representing LONDON, PARIS, ROME and NEW YORK range between three and six hours out of whack.
Service meanwhile is polite enough, but amateurish and practically mute. On entry we wait to be seated by (possibly) a manager who first has to finish chomping away behind the bar like a camel chewing giant thorns.
ScallopsA starter of scallops were gritty to taste and smelt overly fishy – so had probably come in frozen. Which is fine, I suppose. Though at nearly ten quid for three measly scallops you’d think they'd been hand-dived by virgin mermaids and shucked in a Radox bath, rather than ploughed off the seafloor (along with everything else) by three inch spikes and clanking chainmail.
Smoked haddock, spring onion and chive fishcakes (£11.50) were small, uninteresting, strangely smooth throughout and, again, too expensive. Whilst a chicken, tarragon and grain mustard pie (£11.50) lacked any personality and proved to be more flaky than a leper colony, a mere hint of fork stirring up a tornado of pie scales covering anything within a 30cm blast radius. An accompanying bubble and squeak, mind you, was pretty good, and punctured by a cute pair of crispy, salty prosciutto crisps.
Pie The current state of Brown's is a crying shame, because the interior remains a wonder – a sumptuous medley of mahogany and marble, brass and stained glass. You get the impression they’re hoping diners will become so entranced by the venue they’ll have no interest in what’s happening on the plate. They want taste to relinquish all sense to vision.
Brown’s is still worth a visit, mind, but stick to the wets (the cocktail and wine list remains impressive), or better yet, pop in to use the splendid lavs, do a lap, and go have a much better and much cheaper meal elsewhere.
Brown's, 1 York St, Manchester M2 2AW
Rating: 10.5/20
Food: 5/10 (scallops 5, fish cakes 5, pie 4, bubble n squeak 6)
Ambience: 3/5 all of Heathcote's making
Service: 2.5/5 polite enough but amateurish
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