Sleuth week 4:, Japanese tourists call police after beer in NQ

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city each week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious, but not often... @mcrsleuth

The Greatest Tourism Idea Ever

Sleuth was surprised last week to see Manchester City Council last release a new guidebook to Manchester Town Hall on the day it closed for six years. Seemed very curious timing. A guidebook to something you can’t visit. 

Right, thought Sleuth, let's have a go.

Sleuth has produced the perfect booklet to the 1857 Manchester Art Treasures Exhibition detailing the artworks and where to see them in the galleries closed in 1857. Might prove useful. 

He’s also got some tickets for the opening celebration of the Ship Canal in 1894 if anybody wants to go along - although they’ll be 124 years late. 

He’s particularly proud of his timetable and guide to Manchester Central Station which should prove very useful to commuters from fifty years ago when it closed to eventually form the Exhibition Hall of Manchester Central. Don’t miss the 6.20pm for Liverpool. Oh you did, by decades. 

Finally Sleuth has managed to get some tickets for the next Fall gig. 

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A guide to Manchester Town Hall has been released... just as it closes for six years

Sleuth’s Disturbing Inflatable Doll

Sleuth was talking to a hotel manager and he was recounting a curious recent tale from one of Manchester’s finest establishments (which didn’t want to be named). A maid one day came down from one of the rooms and said, “There’s a body in room 238.” The manager took a concierge to investigate and there in the darkened bedroom was a prone figure that was unresponsive to the shouts. “You open the curtains and I’ll call the emergency services,” said the manager. When the curtains were opened the body turned out to be a doll... a sex doll. Very odd. 

The item was removed to the office where a short time later a call was received by phone. A male voice said, “I left something in room 238.” “We know you did,” said the manager, “lots of people leave things like gloves and hats but we're not used to, er, that.” “I wouldn’t have left her but we’d had an argument,” said the man about an inanimate plastic doll. “May I come and get her?” “Of course,” said the, by now, bewildered and bemused manager, “but I advise you don’t leave the doll in bedrooms for maids to find and think they are dead bodies.” “Right you are,” said the man, as though he’d just had a conversation about buying teabags. 

180128 Sleuths Doll Face Printed Stickers Stars Face Chongqiwawa P35912429 9874140 Gallay
Dead hotel guest was, in fact, a sex doll

Japanese tourists stung in NQ

Four Japanese tourists have gone to the police after getting charged £24.80 for four cans of poncey beer in the Northern Quarter.

One of the tourists, who'd just been stung £1100 for a steak dinner in Venice, causing an international scandal, told Sleuth: "You expect it in Venice, at least there's nice things to look at while you're being ripped off. But in Manchester, charging £6.20 for a mediocre 330ml can of American pale while a tramp relieves himself on the window you're sat at - now that's taking the piss."

The bartender, who'd just broken off a fifteen minute conversation with one of his pals to serve Sleuth, said: "Yeah it costs three times as much as it should, and yeah it all tastes like metal, but the label design took three years to perfect and you expect to pay more when the beer was brewed down the road."

Craft Beer Cans
Japanese tourists called police after being charged £24.80 for four cans of crap craft beer in the Northern Quarter

Coo-coo by Koons

Sleuth hears Jeff Koons is coming to Manchester. The controversial but popular artist is famous for his vivid and large artworks, such as Balloon Dog, which it appears no self-respecting city can be without. 

Sleuth spoke to Koons over the phone and asked him what he had planned for Manchester. “I bet it’s going to be a big bee,” said Sleuth. “It’s going to be a pigeon, I never saw any living bees” said Koons. “Ah right, a shiny, glitzy, camp chrome representation that will shine in the Manchester weather,” said Sleuth. “No,” said Koons, “a drab grey mouldy one. With one leg.” “Oh,” said Sleuth.

180128 Sleuths Jeff Koons Balloon Dog Magenta 1994 2000 Mirror Polished Stainless Steel With Transparent Color Coating 307 3 X 363 2 X 114 3 Cm Versailles 2008
"Manchester's getting a pigeon... with one leg", said Koons