GORDO is Confidential's bon vivant, food oracle and enforcer. Gordo does not do PC, Gordo spreads foie gras on PC and swallows it whole with a nice bottle of Château Mouton Rothschild @GordoManchester

EL GATO NEGRO

The second-longest opening of the new century finally threw back its doors to the press on Thursday (Agreed, not many of those left). There were three great things about this one. Firstly, the place itself. It’s been well thought out, the interior particularly warm, Madrid-like and contemporary at the same time. 

Within two hundred metres there are also Iberica, La Bandera, Lunya, La Vina and La Tasca. Iberica is probably top dog, followed by Lunya, with La Bandera being the homeliest of the lot in Manchester, owned by boys from the Canary Isles. The latter two are decent as well to be fair. There is also Evuna and Raffa’s El Rincon down the bottom of Deansgate, with a another, Tapeo, planned for the old model shop opposite Hawksmoor, and Sandinista, a late night gaff that does pretty serviceable tapas just off St. Ann’s Square. 

In fact, Gordo likes Sandinista as they actually let him in when he’s steaming at two in the morning. He knows he’s been in there as he always finds the receipt in his wallet on the way back into work, festering, the following lunchtime on the bus. 

El Gato NegroEl Gato Negro

The second thing Gordo likes about El Gato Negro (it’s Spanish for 'Black Forest Gateau' by the way, they’re big on puddings) is the staff. One of Gordo’s all-time favourite waitresses is there. 

Finally, the PR team, Rule 5. The lady who telephoned Gordo for the tenth time to check if he was going to come to the party said ‘amazing’ seven times in one telephone call. In a Kensington accent. And not ‘South Ken’ either, it needs to be said. And don’t let Gordo forget the gaffer, Julie ‘Laughing Jules’ Wilson. 

Jules fell in love with The Fat Magnificent One immediately and wouldn’t leave him alone all night, even though he didn't know what a bike was. And, she kept laughing at all his jokes and feeding him drink. Gordo is looking forward to a brief romance and marriage (FFS Gordo, she’s a bloody PR lady. She’s paid to laugh with you… the rest of us are laughing at you, Ed.) 

NOM

Right. Do you use the term 'nom' at all? Especially on social media? 

You know, “ooh, the pan fried calamari with truffle shavings and rose water… Nomnomnom”. 

If that’s you and you talk with a Cheltenham accent, please be present in the car park at Old Granada HQ at three o'clock on Wednesday 24 February. Just in front of the chain guns over by the cycle sheds. The bonus is we may well catch a couple of cyclists off guard at the same time. Gordo will ensure that his future beloved, ‘Jules the Bike’, isn’t anywhere near.

 

SAM’S CHOPHOUSE 

Roger Ward, the egg chasing gaffer of Manchester's Chophouse group, established 4367 BC, was having a word with Fatty. 

Sam’s opened originally to feed pagan Bronze Age hippy volunteers, pulling stones the size of large motor cars on the way to a place called Stonehenge. These were then erected into a circle to act as a landing pad for the alien spaceships that were visiting on a regular basis at the time. 

These fellas were very good with wormholes and space-time fabric folding, but shit at designing undercarriages by all accounts.

 

Back to 2016. 

Roger, who hasn’t spotted the clue in his restaurant’s title ‘Chophouse’ for a while due to watching too much rugby, has enticed chef James Gingell - formerly of Piccolino and Restaurant Bar, Steam Room, Sauna and Grill - onto his team. Apparently, Gordo’s old pal Ian Donald, again ex-Individual Restaurants, has been on the board for a while as well. 

Some new ideas were afoot. Gordo was rather hoping they didn’t include crispy fried calamari, grilled asparagus and poached egg, along with that other great rarity, pan fried sea bass with fennel. 

Nope, they’re bringing back roasts on the trolley. 

THANK GOD.

Sams ChophouseSam's Chophouse

 

SOLITA 

Franco ‘The Truth Ma’am, Just The Truth’ Sotgiu has been to That There New York to look for inspiration for his soon-to-launch New York Steak House on Deansgate. Before he went, he asked Fatty to think up some names for him to consider.

‘Gordo’s’ was one of Fatty’s favourites, closely followed by ‘Jimmy Wingies’, ‘Mickey The Axe’, ‘Tut Tuts’ and ‘Fat French Eric’s’, all close associates of Gordo’s Dad (AKA Shady) back in the early sixties. 

By the time Franco landed, he’d come up with one he thought was a blinder. 

“Eh, Gordo,” beams Franco, “I’ve got it!” 

Gordo, a little miffed, waits to hear the masterpiece. 

“Solita Steakhouse!” 

'Bleedin’ hell', thought Gordo, 'If I see crispy fucking calamari on the menu I’m going to swing for the bastard.'

 

DANCING 

There’s a new dance craze arrived in Manchester... Market street to be precise. Here it is folks, beef up them thighs and get right on it… Gordo is in fashion after all! 

 

MANCHESTER TRAFFIC 

Gordo posted a tweet last week, having spent ONE HOUR AND TWENTY SODDING MINUTES trying to get out of the Manchester Royal Infirmary and drive to Quay Street. Normally a ten-minute journey. That was on a bus, by the way, before the fascist cycling brigade get on their not-so-high bicycles. 

As you can see, that one twitter message gained over 20,000 impressions and over 450 people engaged with it. Sir Richard Leese appears to have embarked on a mission to completely bring Manchester to a standstill. With his 'Cyclist, greenie' sidekick, Councillor Kate Chappell (Executive Member for Environment, a remit which includes transport, apparently) the city is becoming a place not to visit by anyone with a car. 

Last week, Gordo tried out the BBC Radio 4 podcast after a visit to the office by an old acquaintance, Matt White. He happened on a debate about the idea of The Northern Powerhouse. Sir ‘Tricky’ Leese was on the panel and was giving some good opinion on how the Northern Powerhouse should come about.

Good stuff, but Gordo’s heart soon sank when he heard Sir Richard’s position in this great proposed powerhouse: ‘Sir Richard Leese CBE, Chair of Transport for the North Partnership Board'. 

W.T.F. 

Gordo started weeping.

 

SOME POETRY 

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,

By each let this be heard.

Some do it with a bitter look,

Some with a flattering word.

The coward does it with a kiss,

The brave man with a sword.

Know it? Tweet Gordo, he’ll pull a winner out of the hat with a £100 voucher to one of his favourite restaurants.

 

GORDO GO'S

FUMO 

For: Cocktails 

Dress: Smart casual

Part of the San Carlo group, Fumo is currently suffering from traffic-itis. The Council, with the complete balls-up on Peter Square, is effectively hiding this gem. Go and have a cocktail. It’s pretty cute. 

.Fumo's signature pigeon pate

BAKCHICH

For: Super-healthy grub with flavour 

Dress: Casual

Lebanese restaurant by a team of middle-eastern Scousers; stop whinging you veggie loonies, there is a great offering here. Arguably the best bread and hummus in the city. 

.Bakchich falafel

ASHA'S

For: Premium Indian subcontinent 

Dress: Smart casual

Curries on acid. No argument here, the absolute best in the region for high-end Indian cooking. Not street food (a misnomer soon to be put right by Indian Tiffin Rooms on First Street) but the kind of stuff Maharajas would put on for Clive of India. 

.Now that's how to poppadom

THE FRENCH 

For: Foodies and celebrations 

Dress: Cocktail

Arguably the best food in the city. Michelin-starred Simon Rogan of L’Enclume fame is the boss, but Front of House Kamilla and the chef ‘on the tools’, Adam Reid, are at the top of their game and have been rewarded with a mini refurb, giving a better atmosphere and posher bogs. They've also just added a new a la carte menu from midday to 1.30pm which recently brought Gordo to his knees. Wrap your peepers round these...

.Bread and butter
 
..Flaked Cornish crab, chicken skin, apple discs, kohlrabi and dill juices

 

 
.Turbot, lobster tail and sprouting broccoli
 
.Forced Yorkshire rhubarb, yoghurt sorbet, fir syrup and toasted oats

 

That’s about it for this month.

Happy Trails,

Gordo

@GordoManchester