SO help me God I'm giving up clichés this year. I’ve had it up to here with them. I'm putting them out to grass, letting them lie fallow - if you get my drift?
This had been cooked to perfection and was a real crowd pleaser. With the snails it was the best dish we had. There was a very toothsome herby sausage and a runny duck egg that packed a punch.
My main New Year's resolution is to physically assault the next person who says 'with a twist'. Or worse, says, 'pop-up with a twist'. I'll beat the buggers with an Oxford English Dictionary - a big, heavy one - till the despised phrase exits their body through their bleeding ears.
View from Bottega to the CIS Tower at sunset
I'm starting the purge with food clichés.
These infest magazine reviews and 'blogs' like Japanese knotweed in an abandoned railway cutting.
The clichés are often included in reviews that have that particularly prissy food writer's style. You know the one: a sexually repressed Edwardian tone as though the writer is a minor Oscar Wilde having high tea with bone china, cocked little fingers and an air of quiet desperation? It's a weak, simpering, stylistic technique that at its worst sounds like a prim piece of Edwardian erotica.
This is a real quote from a nearby provincial magazine back in 2011.
'Across the table my delightful companion was still toying with her divine main as the dishy Italian waiter delivered a simply scrumptious pannacotta that had us both quivering with anticipation.'
Oh dear Lord.
Inside Bottega
So for this review of Bottega I've decided to rid myself of food clichés once and for all. I'm going to put every one of them in this article. Purge myself.
BUT. This is still a real food review, accurately scored.
Here we go.
Bottega is on the second floor of Selfridges and occupies the space previously occupied by the much-loved Aubaine. It has a lighter and brighter feel than Aubaine, and looks very like the award-winning Cicchetti in House of Fraser - particularly the marble counter. The difference is Bottega is elevated by about eighty feet into the sky, giving stunning views across Exchange Square.
The menu in this eatery reads well with drop-dead dishes that read yummily. The food is a combination of Italian small plates with southern French small plates. Why there's this particular combination is a little puzzling but it does the trick (although, The Redhead thought an Italian/Danish combination might be more amusing - Scandi food is so on-trend atm).
First up we had nibbles - on the house - of big, luscious olives with rich, silky flesh. Good bread too - on the house again - better for being dunked in a drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
For starters yours truly plumped for the snails (£7.50). Snails play hard to get in Manchester but are delectable additions to the food and drink scene, all unctuous, rustic and earthy. Oily soil you could say, but lovely all the same, with good mouthfeel.
Over the way The Redhead was savouring the beef carpaccio (£7.95), which was very approachable with its attractive riot of green rocket on red beef. The meat was meltingly tender, nicely tart and very tasty. Never sure about an excess of greenery though, surely the chef could tone this down, it's not rocket science after all?
Next up from the bill of fare was the stick to your ribs Toulouse sausage and duck egg (£6.95). This had been cooked to perfection and was a real crowd-pleaser. With the snails it was the best dish we had. There was a very toothsome herby sausage and a runny duck egg that packed a punch. Chilli in the bed of woody spinach added grown-up heat.
Toulouse sausage and ducks eggs
The fillet of seabass (£8.15) came at a weird price and was a miss. As The Redhead across the table said, "It's tasteless, needs more garlic, more definition, more interest; it needs to be more zingy."
"And more zesty?" I offered.
"Zingier."
"Zestier."
"Yes, it needs to be more zingy-zestytastic," she said.
The moment was rescued by the dolci Bottega (£9.95 and main picture above), a mouth-wateringly decadent, cornucopia of sinful pleasure that was simply to-die-for. It boasted artisan apple strudel, tempting tiramisu, lush lemon cake, panting pannacotta and some blissful berries. Nom.
The two large glasses of Syrah Astoria (£6.05) from Sicily were bang on the money, as full-bodied as a 32-year-old Sophia Loren. The Syrah appeared on a list with a wide range of well-chosen wines.
Sophia Loren or Syrah Astoria Loren as her best friends called her
Service came with a smile, and the service charge of ten percent on the bill was not an issue.
Bottega, with that gorgeous view and the generally high standard of food performs well in Selfridges. It's a winner. It's hard to say the food is better than the previous tenant here, Aubaine, but it's certainly better for people watching as the San Carlo fairy dust delivers a constant stream of seemingly happy punters.
And it has snails which is a clincher.
(Good. Got those clichés off my chest. If you let me know how many there are in the article then you can win a £50 voucher for Bottega. Entries to jonathans@theconfidentials.co.uk by Monday 13 January. PS: I've missed the cliche of 'shown the pan' but then we ate nothing that was flash fried.)
You can follow Jonathan Schofield on Twitter @JonathSchofield or connect via Google+
ALL SCORED CONFIDENTIAL REVIEWS ARE IMPARTIAL AND PAID FOR BY THE MAGAZINE.
Bottega, Selfridges, Exchange Square, City centre. Please note that Bottega opens during shop opening hours: 10am-8pm Monday to Friday, 9am-8pm on Saturdays and from 11am-5.30pm on Sundays.
Food: 7/10 (snails 8, carpaccio 7, sausage 8, sea bass 6.5, dolci 8)
Service: 4/5
Ambience: 3/5
