Prospective mayor says 'we will be asking for a referendum before the Scottish have another go'
Confidential hears the leaders and chief executives of all the North Western councils of England met in secret at Manchester’s Briton’s Protection pub this week.
They have decided to follow Nicola Sturgeon’s lead in Scotland and push for the North West to be an independent country.
Prospective elected mayor for Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham, said: “We’ve been backed into a corner over this, the government has consistently cut services in our councils, they have not included our voice in any Brexit conversations and they refuse to give us HS3 before HS2. It’s time to make a break. We will be asking for a referendum before the Scottish have another go because it’s our turn and we have a bigger population than them. None of our leaders have fish surnames either.”
Apparently the Cooperative Bank will take over the duties of the Bank of England because the Manchester-based financial institution has been so successful recently. The new national football team will play in light blue and dark blue halved shirts with red shorts and socks to reflect the dominance of United, Liverpool, City and Everton in the region. The national anthem will be Fools Gold by the Stone Roses.
“Some proposals we’ve had to reject,” said Cllr Dickie Leese. “One person came up with the suggestion of crowning departing Manchester Chief Executive Sir Howard Bernstein an interim king.
“He’s certainly covered in enough gold,” continued the councillor, laughing hard “but we don’t think a King Howard would be credible.”
Everybody agrees there needs to be a change of currency.
“We’ll have our own currency,” said Sean Anstee, diminutive leader of Trafford Metropolitan Borough Council. “The currency will be The Bobbin. There will be twenty bobbins to the pound to begin with and we want to make sure everybody in the region has enough bobbins to make ends meet or at least to buy National Lottery tickets, cross their fingers and hope they may have a better future. We want there to be so many bobbins in circulation the whole region will be known as bobbins.”
Confidential asked whether Yorkshire might be asked to join to make a much mightier Northern English independent country.
“No,” said Joe Anderson, the mayor of Liverpool, “Yorkshire can just fuck off.”
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