WHAT's the worst food and the worst value food you've ever had?
I felt like asking if they did something tastier, maybe a cat food version
I know what my choice would be and I know who the chef is.
It's Ebenezer Scrooge.
He's got to be the food consultant for Starbucks. That's the only explanation for the vilest sandwiches known to Man and their extraordinary meanness.
He's charging £3.49 for a sausage sandwich which probably costs less than 20p to make. He must be laughing his head off when he offers customers a small flattened taste-free soggy bap without butter and two and half tiny ‘Lincolnshire’ sausages. These resemble the wrinkled fingers of a corpse that’s been in the ground for six months, exhumed and then cannibalised. It's the ugliest food you'll ever see.
Starbucks' consultant chef looks forward to another rewarding day at workI know this because - fool that I am - I bought one of Starbucks Scrooge's efforts. I was in a rush and hungry and that is the case for the defence. I was late for a train and there was a Starbucks next to the ticket barrier at Victoria Station.
“Do you want it hot or cold?” said the young man behind the counter, waving my sausage sandwich around; the horror cunningly concealed under an attractive wrapper, clearly the only way they sell these little abominations.
“Hot,” I said, surprised by the question.
This was a mistake. By having it hot I missed the train.
So I sat on the platform, opened the sandwich and laughed hysterically at the miserable workhouse food that glared back at me. I ate it to see if it was as bad as it looked. It was. I felt like going back and asking if they did something tastier, maybe cat food.
The horror: cannibalised dead fingersJust in case this was a one-off I bought another the following day at another Starbucks. It was the same £3.49 and the same ugly waste of money.
I took one look and asked for a refund which the staff immediately provided. I tried to get an opinion from the Starbucks workers about the dire offering they are forced to serve. One of the older members was sympathetic, the younger member, the supervisor, was on-message.
"They're one of our bestsellers, very popular," she said, as if that were an excuse but at the same time proving once again you can never under-estimate the public.
It also proves how many big corporations treat their customers with utter contempt. While the marketing departments are trying to create 'online communities' and other fluffy treats, beneath it all is a machine that cares nothing of ripping people off with low value products at premium rates. It's cynical and not any less so because they know we know deep down this is all they are up to. If they're going to rip us off then why don't they forget all the sweetening kidology.
Next time at Victoria I'll eat my ticket receipt rather than anything from Starbucks. Or maybe I'll bring some cat food.
Starbucks said in response to a Confidential enquiry: Nothing. They couldn't be arsed.
