Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious @mcrsleuth
SLEUTH'S BEST STAGE EXIT
Sleuth dived head first into the Manchester Food and Drink Festival Gala Dinner in the Palace Hotel Ballroom on Monday, where organisers had assembled a line-up of celebrity award-givers, including Cold Feet star John Thompson, the ‘bard of Salford’, Dr John Cooper Clarke, The Smiths' drummer Mike Joyce, and Oliver Hardy of the legendary silent-era comedy duo, Laurel and Hardy.
Hardy, who was sadly lacking his sidekick (due to his death in 1965) and by this time nine Highballs to the wind, began to experience technical difficulties during the presentation of ‘Best Neighbourhood Restaurant’, so, in desperation, resorted to the only thing he knew would bring the 350-strong crowd back on side...
...the classic arse-over-tit gag.
(by the way that’s Confidential’s Gordo)
Confidential gaffa Gordo falling backwards off the stage at the Manchester Food & Drink Awards 2016 from Manchester Confidential on Vimeo.
SLEUTH'S INTERIOR DECORATERRR
Following the awards bash the guests assembled in the hotel’s recently renovated bar, lounge and restaurant space, now called The Refuge, where former-DJs Luke Cowdrey and Justin Crawford (The Unabombers), owners of Chorlton’s Electrik bar and Didsbury’s Volta restaurant, have been brought in by the hotel owners to make sure all the resident suits are offset by hip, South Manchester luvvies. Just as Sleuth was discussing the subtle finesse of the revamp with Hardy and Joyce – who’d been ribbing the fallen man since his tumble (‘Oh what difference does it make’ said Joyce, ‘But that joke isn’t funny anymore’, replied Hardy) - came a wretch in the corner. Turns out Levanter’s Joe Botham, who'd drank the Palace dry of wine following his award win, had been less impressed with the new fit-out, proceeding to ‘decorate’ the bar in his own inimitable and fragrant fashion.
Botham perhaps drew inspiration from this Refuge feta and beetroot dish
SHOES OF A NEAPOLITAN
Earlier in the evening, at the pre-drinks, Sleuth had bumped into the proprietor of Salvi’s and eventual winner of 'Food Retailer of the Year', Maurizio Cecco, and that mistress of wit and charm, his wife Claire. Naples-born and raised Maurizio had used a degree of licence in opting out of the regulation black bow by going for a pencil tie. But it was lower down where the true individual spirit of the native Neapolitan dominated. Sadly there was no award that evening for 'Restaurateur With The Fewest Socks', otherwise it would have been a double-bubble win for Maurizio and Salvi’s.
Claire and Maurizio
Restaurateur With The Fewest Socks
CAUTION: LAZY BASTARD FILM CREWS
After the excess at the Gala Dinner Sleuth woke up in a wheelie bin in Back Piccadilly and brushed the burger wrappers off his tux (careful not to wake Joe Botham in the bin next door). As it was noon he wandered down to Be At One cocktail bar under the Barton Arcade. He was thinking there was a lot of sun about so he needed a brooding basement space for a couple of double Bloody Marys. But it was closed. Michelle Keegan was filming her TV show Our Girl. Outside was a sign that read ‘Caution Filming Ahead’. Sleuth wondered what on earth people had to be cautious about during filming: a luvvie charging around hugging people to death while telling them they were ‘marvellous darling’? Meanwhile, opposite sat a row of crew and actors almost all on phones being interviewed by a pigeon. One of the cast and crew was asleep. Sleuth found the nearest empty folding chair and joined him.
SLEUTH'S RECOMMENDATION FOOD OF THE WEEK
Sleuth woke up hungry from the Keegan shoot at Be At One and decided to pop to Rusholme where there is one of the great regional specialities of world food available at Uncle B's. No, not Indian/Pakistani/Arabic food, but Scottish. The deep-fried Mars bar. Total genius. £1.25. Battered goodness in five mouthfuls and the only ones available in Manchester. Sleuth has contacted all the nutritionists (freelance ones above booze-shops who won't tell which university they got the letters after their name from) and they recommend a deep-fried Mars bar as part of your 5-a-day.
Scrummy
SLEUTH’S ARMY RECRUITMENT MANNEQUIN OF THE WEEK
Revived by his tasty treat Sleuth walzed off to HOME arts centre to discuss Immanuel Kant’s Categorical Imperative, Gary Neville’s First Law of We’ll Build It Anyway and finally the debate over this huge question: Is Brexit Stealing our Marmite? En route he passed the new Armed Services recruitment centre. Sleuth paused and took a picture. Interesting mannequin in the window. Nice moustache. Clearly the army want soldiers to model themselves on the Village People. How enlightened.
'Young man!'
SLEUTH’S UP TO DATE SIGN OF THE WEEK
Sleuth got bored in HOME because all people wanted to talk about was Strictly Come Dancing and stupid Kim Kardashian’s jewellery so he ran to a proper pub, the City Road Inn. There was a delightful lady in there reminiscing about all the times she’d taken drugs before nipping over to the Hacienda years earlier. Very entertaining. There was also a sign on the wall which Sleuth considered antique and charming. Didn’t that ban come in around July 2007? Do we really need to be reminded?
In case you'd forgotten
SLEUTH’S GENTS OF THE WEEK
Sleuth decided to continue with another day carousing and threw himself into the Peveril of Peak pub to play the oldest continuously-used table football machine in the UK, dating from the 1950s. That is a true Manchester fact. He lost about 19-0 to a girl much, much younger than him, or was that in Refuge by Volta at the Palace Hotel with machines manufactured earlier this year? Either way she was ten times better. Sleuth, a stickler for good historic detail, got in a bad mood in the Peveril because he spotted this adaptation of the wonderful early twentieth century detail in the pub.
HOTTEST MANCHESTER 'HOT SPOTS'
Leaving in a huff, Sleuth was in need of more leisurely action, so hopped on a tram to East Didsbury, where he alighted and headed for Fletcher Moss Botanical Garden. There’s nothing that gets Sleuth going quite like watching a willow-warbler frolicking amongst the butterbur and stitchwort. But when Sleuth got there the place was full. Turns out someone had recently posted a piece on BuzzFeed listing the ’16 Hot Spots In Manchester The Locals Don’t Want You To Know About’, including Fletcher Moss Botanical Garden and equally hopping Manchester ‘hot spots’ like Chetham’s Library, Paramount Books and the Working Class Movement Library.
Salford's Working Class Movement Library is so hot right now
SLEUTH'S REVIEW OF THE WEEK
Sleuth was clearly going to have to find action elsewhere, so was pleased to hear of a new rock n roll exhibition, Oasis: Chasing The Sun, opening at Granada Studios. If Sleuth couldn’t get his rocks off amongst the chiff-chaffs at Fletcher Moss, he could certainly galvanize himself amongst the sex, drugs and fury of Manchester's sweariest band. ‘I’m heading over now,’ said Sleuth to Gordo, who’d just been to the exhibit, ‘How was it?’
‘Lots of pictures of two Burnage scallies who were quite good musicians who copied the Beatles who were quite clever at selling themselves with reverse psychology and couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag in reality. Do you remember the boys in the music room at school learning to play the recorder? Right fucking wimps’, replied Gordo.
'Any videos of them falling off stage?' texted Sleuth.
'Oh fuck off!' replied Gordo.
One more time then...
SLEUTH'S COUNCIL PRIORITIES
Lastly, Sleuth sees members of the Council’s Executive have published their priorities (shown below) for the period up to 2020 in a move to enhance the overall and individual accountability of Executive Members. Here's some of the more notable entries:
Leader – Sir Richard Leese
- Tackling the North/South divide
- Ensuring that devolution delivers for residents
- Economic development
Deputy Leader (Housing and Regeneration) – Cllr Bernard Priest
- Affordable housing
- Housing and links to business and employment
- Reducing worklessness
Deputy Leader (Our Manchester) – Cllr Sue Murphy
- Reducing family and child poverty
- Fairness and community cohesion, and engaging the voluntary sector
Executive Member for Traffic and Transportation - Cllr Barry Bodge
- Continue, without any clear logic or reason, to dig up and close as many city centre roads as possible
- Install multiple new one way systems, just for a laugh
Executive Member for New, Shiny, Tall Things – Cllr Bob Builder
- Rubber stamp as many new proposals as possible before the money runs out, particularly those proposed by Peel, the Chinese and anyone that used to play for Man United
- Ensure all new residential schemes have at least one 'roof garden'
Yes just like that...
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