LISTEN, we love burgers. Of course we do. When you're as hungry as a Demogorgon, there's little more satisfying. It's just, well, we're tired. Tired of dislocating our jaws on quadruple deckers, tired of the slop puddle in our crotch, and tired of being stabbed in the eye by those little f**king flags.
What's more, the cow farts caused by our insatiable hunger for beef are accelerating global warming much more than any dodgy German emission test. In fact, over in California, bovine bum burps now account for half of the state's methane emissions... no joke.
In which case, we thought we had better offer you lot six of Manchester's best alternative burgers - from popcorn cookie buns to BIG gay bagels - only one of which contains cow (but wait 'til you see the bun).
NO.1: BANGERS & BACON - THE FULL ENGLISH PANCAKE BURGER
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Start your day with a Bang-ers and Bacon with this full English whopper from the Spinningfields piggy pushers. Two spongy buttermilk pancakes take on the role of bun here - as Bobby's bangers sausage patty, crispy bacon, drippy fried egg, crunchy hash brown, homemade black pudding and maple syrup fight for elbow room.
Available at Leftbank, Spinningfields, today only - £6
NO.2: MILKJAM - THE POPCORN COOKIE CHOCO ICE CREAM BURGER
Put your hand out the window... feel that humidity? That ain't conducive to hot, sloppy beef. Salvation comes then via Manchester's new milk and dessert bar, Milkjam, which for one day only is offering this popcorn cookie choco ice cream burger with fresh raspberry sauce playing ketchup and blue cheese pretzels instead of, well, cheese.
You can pick one up at 85 Oxford Street for a cool five notes
NO.3: ALMOST FAMOUS - THE BIG GAY BURGER
Ok so there's beef, lots of beef, and bacon, and fried 'trailer' onions, and baconnaise (the bastard child of bacon, mayonnaise and twiddling fingers), but will you look at that bagel! To celebrate this weekend's Pride Festival, Almost Famous - the Americana-soaked upstarts who kicked off the city's burger rush back in 2012 - have unleashed 'THE BIG GAY BURGER', featuring their usual jumble of unidentifible, finger-licking goo encased within a fantastical rainbow bagel.
The Pride special will be available all weekend in the Almost Famous and Home Sweet Home restaurants at Great Northern and in Northern Quarter, as well as the Almost Famous pop-up in Sackville Gardens - £8
It’s a pretty tough break being a Billy goat. Considered a waste produce of the dairy industry, most Billies usually end up at the wrong end of a Captive bolt pistol. However, thanks to former River Cottage chef James Whetlor and his meat company Cabrito, Billy has - for the last few years at least - been meeting a rather nobler end (that is if you consider ending up in a sausage noble). Here in Manchester, new premium restaurant Grafene are turning Whetlor’s Billy goat meat into surprisingly tender, lean and juicy little burgers, accompanied by a healthy dollop of goat’s cheese.
You can grab a £5 'Our Kid' burger from Grafene at 55 King Street
Premium Spanish pig specialists Iberica have pulled out something a little sneaky for National Burger Day. Group head chef Cesar Garcia has created this special Asturian burger using Secreto Iberico de Belotta (aka the ‘secret’ Spanish butcher's cut), Manchego cheese with red peppers and fresh, herby chimichurri sauce, served with skinny Iberica fries.
You can order this secret Iberica burger for one day only by slapping £10 on the bar with a Flamenco stamp and tap. Olé!
This one has made the cut, not on novelty value (in fact it's rather ordinary looking), but on taste alone. And we've got no beef (geddit?) with that. Evelyn’s signature crab & shrimp burger is a crisp patty bulging with whole shrimp and brown and white crab, putting some of its more meaty compatriots to shame. Seasoned with lime, chilli and ginger, it’s then dressed in a basil alioli, sandwiched in a seeded bun and served up with a generous pot of fennel chips.
Find Evelyn's on Northern Quarter's Tib Street - £14
Prefer your burgers with a little more moo? Here's last year's NBD round-up.
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