GORDO is Confidential's bon vivant, food oracle and enforcer. Gordo does not do PC, Gordo slaps foie gras on PC and swallows it whole with a nice bottle of Sauternes... @GordoManchester
Then he cut off the snout and ate that whole, plucked out an eye, swallowed that, and finally, broke the poor bugger's jaw...
GORDO AND THE LANDLORD
GORDO and Man Con’s current landlord, Michael Ingall, the socially dyslexic money botherer behind Allied London - owners of Spinningfields and Old Granada Studios - were shuffling out the front door of the HQ Building the other evening.
“Hello Gordo”, mutters the Merciless, whose face was not quite as miserable as the Labrador’s on the end of his leash, a dog clearly not as desperate as his master to go to the pub. “Did you buy that jacket in the Oxfam shop?”
“You cheeky bastard,” thought Gordo, looking at Ingall’s drab padded cotton Chairman Mao jacket, “did you get that on The Long March?”
“I'm going to the pub,” says the shifty one, whose eyes suddenly narrowed. This, from anyone else, would have been followed by “fancy a pint?” But no. “You can’t come Gordo, it’s a business meeting,” says MIngall The Merciless, rattling change in his pocket as he turns and shuffles down the steps, followed by the Labrador and a good-looking blonde.
This dog ain't 'appyTRIPADVISOR AND WAHACA
Now and then Gordo uses TripAdvisor for hotels, it can be quite useful. He doesn’t, however, use it for restaurants, or chippies for that matter, ever since reading that his local, Chings, had been given five stars for service. This being three days after Fatty was thrown out by Granny Ching for being too pissed. Granny called him ‘Gaijin’ - that’s Chinese for ‘foreign devil.’ That’ll be a fat, bald, pissed-up Gaijin to you Grandma.
Anyways, back to ShitAdvisor, as it’s known in the business. A southern restaurant chain called Wahaca, who serve dumbed down Mexican food for the English masses, have moved into Manchester’s best-kept secret, The Corn Exchange. That’s the former Triangle to you and me folks, they simply forgot to tell us they'd changed the name back to the original... or is Gordo going deaf to boot?
It’s co-owned by Thomasina Myers, winner of MasterChef 2005, whose husband is a merchant banker. Yes, dear reader, one of them.
WahacingApparently, the PR and marketing team for the restaurant, whose name, Wahaca, is uncomfortably close to Gordo’s bedroom habits as a teenager, Wahacing, gave Confidential's commercial team short shrift when approached.
“Shut up you Northern Monkeys,” squealed the Roedean-educated lady in charge of PR, still living in Prince Harry hope land. “We don’t need any help from your sort, Manchester is gagging for some Wahacing and will be very, very grateful."
Two days after opening, Wahacing reaches number one on Shitadvisor, having achieved 83 triple five star reviews. That’s better even than chef Simon Rogan’s two star Michelin restaurant, L’Enclume.
Quiet you lot at the back. Gordo is not saying that Chrissie Bentley-Grantham, the PR lady and wannabee Mrs. Harry Windsor, has written all those glowing reviews herself. Oh no sir.
TOP SCRAN
Let's start off with All Star Lanes. The bowling alley with food and a good bar in the fast-becoming groovy Great Northern Square is on form. Gordo took the animal behind City Spa Escapes, Ashleigh Guthrie, to All Star before heading to the AMC to watch some shit movie. The buttermilk fried chicken was ace. Try it.
Onto Australasia and the lamb chops. Good God Almighty these scored 10/10 and what service from Jess. Oh Boy.
Now Rosso. These guys are getting better and better. ManCon were having a straightener in the bar one evening when Rachel, sales lady (sometime extraordinaire) asked for the prawns. Sasha, the gaffer, brought out a bowl of King Prawns lightly poached in butter, lemon and a touch of herbs. Oh yes.
All Star fried chicken
Australasia's lamb chops
PIE WATCH
In September on a trip through France, Gordo stayed overnight in Lyon. The Paté en Croute with Sauternes jelly at Lèon de Lyon was totally historic, like the best pork pie you’ve ever had, riddled with foie gras. The taste still lives in the memory, and all that while The Fat One was half way through a nasty bout of viral laryngitis.
Gordo has decided to start naming and shaming pie manufacturers who don’t put jelly in their pork pies. But, in the meantime, has to congratulate Clayton Park Bakery for some absolutely bloody fabulous steak and kidney puddings. Great suet pastry, simple to cook, balanced seasoning with good quality steak and kidney along with lush gravy. The meat and potato pies would cure gas gangrene. Have a butchers at www.pietastic.com
Anyone who has a suggestion regarding great pies, where to get them in a restaurant or bakery, please make a comment below and share the intel. Gordo will pick a winner out of the hat at the end of the month and send you a £100 voucher for one of his favourite restaurants.
PietasticLUNYA
Morgan Leahy, the not-so-gentle Irish giant and owner of the Barton Arcade, was keen to get Gordo and food commentator, Hungry Hoss, to try Lunya and their suckling pig. Now folks, Peter and Elaine, the owners of Lunya, a Catalan and Spanish restaurant and deli that is more authentic than most Spanish owned restaurants, are well known to Gordo over in Liverpool. Their new gaff here in Manchester is handsome indeed.
The suckling pig arrived, dissected by Peter with nothing more than plates (if cooked correctly, that’s all that is needed). It was fabulous. But Gordo was out-Gordo’d by Hoss.
Pre-Hoss pinky“I’m 'avin an ear” says Hoss, taking a grip of Pinky’s head and pulling one off. He then ate the whole thing. “Good that," grunted Hoss, “anyone want the other?” Squire Leahy, all six foot seven of him, was looking distinctly green around the gills. Gordo wasn’t feeling too sweet either.
Hoss polished off the other. Then, cut the snout off and ate that whole, plucked out an eye, swallowed that, and finally, broke the poor bugger's jaw, tore out the tongue out and ate that.
Hoss, Gordo bows to you... and does an encore down in the bog.
Post-Hoss pinkyQUILL
The debonair and handsome James Cunningham, ex-Abode Hotels and lover of glossy Mancunian printed ads, has surfaced at the newly opened Quill on King Street.
The gaff, according to its PR peeps, who all live in Cheltenham, soon to be twinned with Salford (once they’ve been taught how to shoot 9mm berettas and drive fork lift trucks), is very ‘high end’ with a ‘Michelin-style’ chef.
The press release reads:
‘The dining concept promises fine dining and high levels of gastronomy in a comfortable and relaxed environment, without the restrictions formal restaurants once had, and food that plays on perception and touches on nostalgic memories.’
Chef Curtis, Owner Longmate, GM CunninghamThe chef's a young good-looking fella called Curtis. He hasn’t replied to Gordo on his request for a copy of his CV, which is probably because he’s been terribly busy and not because the Cheltenham PR ladies have been over-egging the pudding as someone in the Confidential offices intimated.
More news from Cheltenham…
'Expectations are high and the food is set to be of an exceptional quality with the 27-year-old having worked in fine dining establishments, multiple 4 AA Rosette and 3 AA Rosette restaurants and a number of venues with 2 Michelin Stars.'
Blimey.
The Cheltenham gigglers have been successful in getting those charming ‘ladies’ from the telebox’s ‘high-end’ proposition, The Real Housewives of Cheshire, to the opening night with invites stuck to £29.90p bottles of champagne.
Gordo fears that those blushing Southern Roses haven’t actually watched the program. Let’s hope young Curtis does a Leeds-style Man Behind The Curtain trick and bring us a Michelin star, eh?
QuillNEW OPENINGS
Gordo recommends Burger and Lobster with a third visit showing consistency. Cottonopolis on the outskirts of the NQ looks a winner, as long as they can deliver the Asian fusion menu as well as Tattu and Sakana are doing. The Daddy is still Australasia.
Scene, the Indian street food restaurant in Spinningfields, has improved over the last three months. Management were concerned that consistency was lacking, but the chef has come up trumps, if the former comment was indeed the case.
Ashas, the smartest fit out of any Indian restaurant in the North West, is out of this world - look out for a Gordo scored review. In the meantime, if you fancy a great cocktail opposite The Midland, that’s the place. Plush.
Bakchich, next door to Zouk, is a little beauty if you are looking for Lebanese and don’t need a beer. Zouk next door has polished itself up and, according to one of Gordo’s colleagues, is ‘bang on’.
Asha's - plushA READER WRITES...
Dear Mancon,
Don't know if any of M.C. have visited this upstairs bistro on Deansgate (it was originally Nicholas, then changed hands), I went this Saturday lunch time and was disappointed.
A guy appeared and I asked what was available. He took me to a glass cabinet, priced as follows:
3 for £12; 5 for £17; 7 for £26.
I opted for 3 at £12; there were 3 types of sausage and about 10 cheeses. I had 2 types of sausage, one type of cheese. For wine I had a Valpolicello, £3.75 for 125 mls.
I pointed out the anomaly in the pricing, which he did not understand.
For those without a calculator:
5 for £17 = 1 for £3.40
7 for £26 = 1 for £3.71
On my way out I explained that it seemed odd that if I wanted 35 items, I could have 7x5 for £119, or 5x7 for £130.
Why could I save £11, when there was the same number of items? They tried to say that it was because of the bread and relishes.
I gave up.
David
...Hmm. Blimey. Gordo.
Gordo imagines David looks something like this...PICCADILLY GARDENS
One last thing; has anyone else noticed what has become of Piccadilly Gardens? Gordo walked through after midnight a couple of Saturdays ago. It was like a scene from Escape from New York. Gordo returned the following day, thinking, like Paris and Lyon (where the public squares are immaculate) cleaning squads would have moved in.
But no, the place was rank with the smell of weed, flowerbeds were rotten and pigeon shit caked the broken fountains.
This is an utter disgrace. Watch this space...
Pigeon toilet
