THE reason
A little while ago a reader said she loved Confidential but thought there “were too many words and not enough pictures” which was a problem because she wasn’t “really a fan of reading”.
As we like to appeal to a cross-section of Mancunians we've done a series of photomontage reviews including this one of Red Hot World Buffet on Blackfriars Street a couple of years ago.
This time to mark the start of the Ashes cricket tests in Australia we've invited four well-known Aussies - Elle McPherson, Nicole Kidman, Shane Warne and Hugh Jackman -to be our guest reviewers. They are reviewing that well-known Quay Street establishment Walkabout of course.
There's a little rhyme with each picture – an idea stolen from the old Rupert the Bear cartoons. These reviews are another example of Manchester's cutting edge pioneering spirit, surely to be measured against the 25 Nobel prize winners from the University of Manchester.
The review
As the Ashes begin four Aussie friends in the city are excited,
The men cry, “Let’s go to Walkabout and all get inebriated.”
Says Nicole to Elle, “This place is ugly and empty, like an outback shed.”
But Warne replies, “Ah quit moaning, it sells beer and we’ll get fed.”
First up starters, plates of peri peri wedges and chicken chilli strips.
Wedges are drab but there's a problem that really makes them flip.
The plates have been washed but not dried, the friends are upset.
The chicken on sticks are dry on top but beneath, cold water wet.
Elle picks up her chicken burger and starts to munch,
"It's just a dry chicken breast in a bun, a very poor lunch.
"Shame I can't stop the supermodel smile," she beams at Hugh.
"After so much catwalk grinning, it set like this in '92."
Warne looked at his food, said, "I don't want to offend you girlies
"But this pair of 'dogs are stacked like Liz Hurley."
But it soon turned to tears, Warne's buns were moist at the base
Soggy bread, just like the chicken, they'd been put on wet plates.
Nicole next to Shane discovered a much better bet
She's found the halloumi wrap is dryer, not soaking wet.
"This tastes quite good," she says as she chews.
"I even prefer it to my ex, Tom Cruise."
Meanwhile Jackman's having a problem with his roo burger...
"This food isn't nice," he says, "it isn't even funny.
"Dry, over-cooked, makes me want to throw up in the dunnie."
Jackman throws down his knife in a fuming rage
"Look out," cries Warney, "He's starting to change."
McPherson says with a smile, "You're taking Movember too far."
Wolverine starts to text, "aargh", "aaaargh" and "aaaaaaaargh."
"I knew that would happen," says Warne pulling a face.
"Even these puddings are a fair dinkum disgrace."
"The cheesecake tastes plastic, the jam's too runny
"Like the rest of the food it all tastes funny.
"And the meringue is flat in a frightening Pavlova."
The Aussie chums all sigh, “For Walkabout, it’s over.”
Wolverine sums up. "It's clear what's the deal
"Walkabout has a particular lunchtime appeal.
"It's for when I'm a mutant, with my drinking mates,
"Watching footy and acting like apes."
ALL SCORED CONFIDENTIAL REVIEWS ARE IMPARTIAL AND PAID FOR BY THE MAGAZINE.
Walkabout, Quay Street, City centre, M3 3HN.
Food: 2/10 (chicken strips 0 (£4.45), peri peri wedges 2 (£4.45), chicken burger 3 (£6.95), roo burger 3 (£8.95), hotdogs 3 (£5.95), Halloumi 5 (£3.95), cheesecake 1, pavlova 2)
Service: 4/5
Ambience: 2/5
Walkabout is nothing to shout about
Soggy, overdone dogs
Weird wet starters
Halloumi - if there were a best dish this was it
Horrible cheap jam on a factory produced cheesecake
Frightening Pavlova
