“IF anybody asks we met on holiday.”
Let’s get this cleared up from the start; I would prefer that the story of how I met my future partner not to begin with a mobile phone dating app famed for quick casual relationships and anonymous sex. If it ever came to that, I'd lie.
Depending on your own intentions, you'll be able to decipher which characters are in it for the banter, the bang or both.
Yet let’s not get ahead of ourselves, this is not an article exclaiming romance or an admission of promiscuity either, and, as I fear this will sound like an excerpt from a Carrie Bradshaw Sex In The City column, I’ll get my Carrie bit out of the way now:
Why should we rule out online dating as a legitimate way to meet the one? Could it be that waiting for destiny to deliver the right guy with the perfect height, a sizeable package and a good personality actually leaves us with too big expectations and very alone? Should I give Tinder a chance?
There.
Let's get the Carrie Bradshaw bit out of the way
On the face of it Tinder is not for the romantic type, the app is a shallow and casual approach to dating. Deemed the 'hook-up' app and the ‘hetrosexual answer to Grindr’, it has grown massively in popularity since it was launched in September 2012.
Designed by two American twenty-somethings with a profitable Mark Zuckerberg idea, Tinder has gained plenty of investor attention too, as they’ve notice a surge of people letting curiosity get the better of them.
Regardless of its reputation as a slutty alternative to Match.com, Tinder has been proven to help people meet like-minded people for a variety of reasons: from friendships, new relationships and yes, getting a leg over.
It’s a no nonsense way to getting dates. Matches are purely established based on a few criteria: Are they old enough? Do they live within walking distance? Do you like this person’s face?
Swipe left for no, swipe right for yes. Are you hot or not to me? Basically.
It’s that easy. And you end up in this therapeutic swiping rhythm of no, no, no, no, yes, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope...
Once a yes has been given, Tinder then lets you know if that person has liked your profile too.
That’s where the fun starts.
After a good 30 mins sifting through the profiles of sweaty teenage boys on Ayia Napa beaches, the bad selfies, the selfies just of the abs, the dudes posing with bottles of Ciroc, men who are probably married, the penis pictures, I ended up, somehow, with 60 matches. This was likely due to the fact I posted a digitally boosted, on the beach, party-girl picture – this is mostly a vain exercise after all.
You can find me on Tinder. For now.
Along came a barrage of ‘Hi, how’s it going?’ messages and a few attempts to be funny with predictable 'L’Oréal, because you’re worth it' jokes. Boredom ensued and I realised how much I hate small talk; it’s equally awkward over text as it is face to face.
Even so there were a couple of the more interesting flirtation techniques.
Swipe right for yes?Tinder Match 1: "Those lips could smother and kill a small child."
Me: "Haha, I like to see them more as like face pillows"
Tinder Match 1: "For the face to rest on the lips or the lips to rest on the face?"
Tinder Match 2: "What’s the difference between an erection and a Ferrari?"
Me: "I don't know and doubt I'll ever find out."
Tinder Match 3 (unfortunately I swiped yes by accident): "Greetings L’Oreal. Perhaps we should meet sooner rather than soonish?"
Me: ........................................
The one match that caught my eye was from a guy who appeared normal and seemed, wait for it...interesting.
He’d read my profile, asked good questions and we found that we had things in common. We exchanged numbers and then we went on a date. Done.
To my relief, I’d met a person who wasn’t a maniacal sex pest.
Quite the contrary actually, by fluke I had been matched to a good-un.
I had clean fun: the classic movie and drinks combination. The conversation flowed with some obvious flirting and as the night went on a few tequila shots were had - there were a few cheeky moments - but all in all a first date that would rate 12A on a cinema certificate at most.
Evidently the app is what you make of it. Even if your chastity belt is wound so tightly you can barely breathe you could use an app like Tinder to meet people - just with a little more dilligence than the 'free love' type. Depending on your own intentions, you'll be able to decipher which characters are in it for the banter, the bang or both.
Let’s face it, Tinder is also handy for those who fear being lonely on the 14th. Given that no sooner did the dregs of Christmas evaporate and the last of the January sales self-combust then advertisements for Valentine’s Day blossomed. It’s coming: St Valentine and his bloody love, Cupid and his bloody arrows, Match.com and its bloody loved up taunts about finding love.
Match.com the less slutty alternative?
So it would seem, for us tragically single types, there’s no harm in at least trying Tinder. Without the hastle of having to commit to a meeting or the riskiness of completely blind dates Tinder cuts out a lot of the effort. It's matchmaking 21st century style.
In fact, Tinder's developers believe it's 'solving humanity's problem of meeting people'. Alongside online dating machines such as eHarmony, lonely hearts are using the app because relying on eyes meeting across crowded rooms and regrettful romps with co-workers at Christmas parties are no longer cutting it. Just this year, Match.com reported that it has 21,575,000 members all over the world. That's a lot of potentials.
At its best, yes, Tinder is making encounters more frequent, but it is by no means solving humanities growing romance deficit. It's all about whether you think someone is fit, not whether they have a glowing personality. Yet there's fun to be had with Tinder; the mix of excitement and anticipation of meeting someone new, plus the prospect of something sexy occuring with someone handsome does not get old.
So yes, you're unlikely to find your perfect match, but you will find some sort of match, slutty or otherwise.
Follow @LOreal_B on Twitter.
