Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious @mcrsleuth
SLEUTH & THE MYSTERIOUS WOOD
Sleuth was interested this week to learn that following Sleuth’s suggestion last week that Manchester City Council smarten things up around Piccadilly Gardens by installing a massive kebab, something is finally to be done about Manchester’s largest and most miserable public square. In exchange for more land in Piccadilly Gardens (which by the way was donated to the people of Manchester by the Mosley family), the owners of the One Piccadilly Gardens building and the pavilion, Legal & General, have agreed to pump £10m into the garden’s makeover, including the removal of the infamous wall, an increase in lawn area and the construction of two new and larger pavilion buildings.
Now, aside from the fact that to Sleuth the below CGI image looks suspiciously similar to what we’ve already got, just with the brightness dialled up, grass instead of swampland and larger commercial units replacing the wall and encroaching onto the gardens, Sleuth did wonder when and how that full blown woodland went up outside Burger King and Primark?
Now L&G wouldn't be using creative licence in order to give the impression of a much greener Piccadilly Gardens following the revamp, perhaps to draw attention away from the increased commercialisation of this public square, would they? Nah.
The mysterious wood
SLEUTH INTERVIEW EXCLUSIVE: ALBERT SQUARE’S FATHER CHRISTMAS
Sleuth managed a few words with Albert Square’s Father Christmas this week and asked about his retirement this year.
Sleuth: “So you’ve been around there for a few years at Christmas, have you enjoyed it?”
Santa: “It’s been ok but I did get sick of people calling me Zippy from some old TV show or worse just staring at me and saying ‘What the fuck is that supposed to be?”
Sleuth: “Anything you’ll miss?”
Santa: “Well it was nice watching the people coming to the market and having fun. But…”
Sleuth: “Go on.”
Santa: “But Jeez if I have to smell gluhwein or bratwurst again I’ll go mad. What is that overpriced shit all about?”
"Stop staring at me"
SLEUTH AND SANTA PART TWO
With Santa back in Albert Square Sleuth recalls a story he was told by a man on a Manchester tour. “It was the fifties and I was six-years-old. A Santa used to come to Albert Hall (now the gig venue) and give out presents when it was a Methodist meeting place. Santa sat me down and said, “Give me your name and I’ll give you a present.” “Albert Hall, I said, because that was my name.” “No, not the place where we are, give me your name or I can’t give you a present,” said Santa. “Albert Hall,” repeated Albert Hall and started to cry. His mother explained things to Santa and so, finally, Albert Hall got his present, a toy car, in Albert Hall. “It’s a shame you never married into the aristocracy,” said Sleuth. “Then you could have been Royal Albert Hall.”
(Note: This is actually true)
Hello, my name is Albert Hall
SLEUTH AND SANTA PART THREE
A few years ago Sleuth’s friend was a head teacher in a primary school in Greater Manchester. She’d arranged for a Father Christmas to come in during an assembly, as a festive surprise, to give out pressies. An old man arrived with a suitable and real white beard. He got changed and the school gave him a cup of tea. He then sat in the staff room as the assembly started waiting for someone to get him. Sleuth’s friend as the main assembly was finishing nodded to a teacher and she went to get Santa. She came back, pale, shortly after. Sleuth’s friend followed her back to the staffroom. Santa was there and he was all dressed up, but he’d had his last sleigh ride, said goodbye to his last elf…or even just his health. “I think he’s dead,” said the teacher. And he was. And since the visit was a surprise the kids were spared the news that Santa Claus had quietly died in their school over a cup of sweet tea.
(This is also true)
SLEUTH AND MORE CHRISTMAS
Meanwhile, former Corrie actress Sherrie Hewson asks Manchester City Council's Christmas spokesperson, Councillor Pat Karney, if they're really charging five quid for a small mug of mulled wine...
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"And we make them pay a deposit for the mug!"
SLEUTH'S DAFT LION OF THE WEEK
This is a medieval missal from the remarkable collection at Chetham's Library. Sleuth found on one page a lion with gold leaf mane, a dopey expression, pulling his tongue. It reminded him of someone. Of course, Donald Trump.
"Wassssssssssup"
SLEUTH'S HUMAN CONDITION POEM OF THE WEEK
Sleuth found this stuck to a wall close to the School of Art on Higher Ormond Street. Sleuth occasionally knows how the anonymous poet feels.
So I went to the doc and asked for something large and cosmetic...
SLEUTH & EVEN MORE CHRISTMAS
Meanwhile, former Corrie actress Sherrie Hewson asks Pat if the council - facing up to yet more budget cuts - really spent £50,000 sticking Zippy on top of his plinth in Albert Square.
"Well why do you think the hotdogs are £5?"
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