Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious @mcrsleuth
This is Sleuth...THE SPANISH ARE COMING
If you're anything like Sleuth, you'll have noticed a lot more Spanish folk knocking about the city. Sleuth thinks this is great. Not only are we sucking in streams of young, educated Spaniards paying into the system and adding to the city's rich cultural melting pot, but Sleuth's dropped all the dead weight from his Sunday football team and replaced them with tricky Spaniards (not much cop in January, mind). The food has also jumped up a notch: Iberica and La Bandera have already raised the stakes, with Lunya and El Gato Negro soon to follow. Now Sleuth hears a new Spanish restaurant, Tapeo, will be next to open at 209 Deansgate - formerly the Model Zone shop. This means, joining La Vina, Evuna, La Tasca and El Rincon, there'll be nine Spanish restaurants on and around Deansgate. NINE. Now for the Running of the Bulls from Beetham to the Cathedral. What a show that'd be... In fact we're changing the name of Deansgate to Calle de la Puerta de Deán.
Deansgate: 2016SLEUTH'S NEW MANCHESTER DICTIONARY
To be cornbrooked: phrasal verb. To find oneself abandoned in a lonely spot. Example: The tram just seemed to stop and we were cornbrooked next to an old canal and a scrapyard.
Crosstreet: noun. A completely blocked but once popular thoroughfare. Example: Until they put a crosstreet on it there were tourist coaches and people everywhere.
MIFshock: noun. Withdrawal from al fresco drinking and dancing. Example: The patient was suffering from MIFshock. He'd been used to endless drinking and dancing in a major public square with a pointy tent and then they stopped it and he's never recovered.
Shop: noun (1). A bar. Example: This is where all the shops are...oh wait a minute they've all turned into bars.
Shop: noun (2). Another bloody coffee shop. There is no need for an example the definition is the same as above with no alcohol but extra smugness.
Lost and cornbrookedSIR RICHARD LEESUS CHRIST THAT HURT!
Manchester City Council leader, Sir Richard Leese, gave a presentation this week on Manchester's new £110m arts space The Factory. Leese said not only would this be the best arts space in the UK, but 'the finest arts space anywhere in the world', with the ability to transform from 'the Royal Opera House in the morning to the Warehouse Project in the evening'. Suddenly part way through the presentation, Leese, in his jubilant state, lost his footing and tripped over the St John's Quarter 3D model in Old Granada Studios. It took firefighters seven hours to prise RBS Spinningfields from the Council Leader's backside.
OuchSLEUTH'S COLLEAGUE BECOMES PORN PURVEYOR - SORT OF...
Sleuth’s colleague L’Oréal Blackett recently befriended Cameryn Moore, an American playwright playfully known as ‘The Smut Lady’ as she was selling personalised short erotic stories from her typewriter in the Northern Quarter. They formed a fleeting bond as they talked dirty (it’s vulgar stuff, read here). So much so Cameryn entrusted L’Oréal with her typewriter, emblazoned with the sign ‘BESPOKE EROTIC – smut while you wait’, while she nipped off to the loo in Cane and Grain bar and restaurant. Passers-by thought our bashful Blackett the 'smut lady' in question. Prudes looked down their nose. She swears round-hipped matrons appeared wagging their fingers and shaking their heads.
NEW NQ BAR SHOCK
There's a new 80-cover breastaurant (bar/restaurant) coming to Northern Quarter. It's called Cottonopolis, first coined as a nickname for Manchester in the nineteenth century when the city controlled 80% of the world's finished cotton, and will open on the corner of Newton Street and Dale Street (above the new Black Sheep skate shop and across from the incoming new easyHotel). The man behind the new 80-cover breastaurant is architect Nick Muir, who wants to steer away from hackneyed burgers and pizzas by offering 'Japanese junk food'. Though Sleuth isn't sure how many Cottonopolis mill workers were knocking back dried yakisoba or fugashi inbetween shifts.
Cottonopolis siteSLEUTH’S MASSIVE ITALIAN SAUSAGE OF THE WEEK
Sleuth was at Salvi’s Cucina to look at the plans for their Corn Exchange restaurant due to open in August. There was a terrifying mortadella. Then a waiter stood in the wrong place. He was clearly excited to be so close to the sausage.
SLEUTH'S DISH OF THE WEEK - NO IT'S NOT A BRAIN
This unlikely looking thing is not a brain but squid laid over parmentier potatoes in an exquisite salty seadog sauce. It's beautiful and is from Iberica in Spinningfields. Sleuth says try it, even though it looks awful, like an out-take from an Alien movie that was rejected as too horrific.
INTERIM ELECTED MAYOR’S SHOCK OPINIONS
Sleuth got this on Wednesday from the Councils of Greater Manchester. ‘News release: Mayor of Greater Manchester joins world leaders to say no to climate change and modern slavery.’ Next week Sleuth hopes to receive: ‘News release: Mayor of Greater Manchester joins world leaders to say no to war, pestilence and famine.’ And the week after: ‘News release: Mayor of Greater Manchester joins world leaders to say no to cancer and jam jars as drinking glasses.’
SLEUTH'S MOST PAINFUL PROMO VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Goes to this clencher from The Hallé...
SLEUTH'S CONFUSED...
Sleuth picked a copy of Manchester's new fashion mag, A Magazine, this week. Sleuth was confused. Listen, Sleuth is no expert on X Factor, but unless Ella Henderson has opened a micro brewery selling an exclusive selection of Punk IPAs recently, Sleuth would wager his dinner money that that isn't Ella Henderson...
