Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious @mcrsleuth
MAN BEHIND THE GLASS
When Sleuth first read Michelin starred Chef Michael O’Hare’s contentious comments in the run up to the opening of his debut Manchester restaurant, The Rabbit In The Moon (pictured), he took them with a pinch of salt. Surely this was just PR posturing, he couldn’t really think all bartenders were ‘sleazy’ and ‘gross’ and not in a ‘real job’. No, of course not. A chef would never say such things, after all, who’s going to pull him out the weeds with an ice cold Red Bull in the middle of service when he’s three chefs down and all out of unagi eel croissants?
But no, turns out he really doesn’t care for them, so much so he’s locked the restaurant’s one lone bartender in a glass prison on the top floor of Urbis, lest he attempts to break away from the bar and rampage through the restaurant, groping diner's breasts and farting into the soup.
The Man Behind The Glass
PAIN AU FISHY
Oh, by the way, the unagi eel croissant is a real thing. Sleuth ate it at The Rabbit Vs The Baboon last night and it was quite remarkable, speared as it was by two prone little pilchards. The other thirteen or so dishes (£65 a head) on the night included rabbit ear crackers in moon dust, 'electric lime leaf' and a bao bacon butty, each whipped over and away in a matter of seconds by a swarm of leather-aproned S&M chef-servers, trotting in-and-out of the kitchen to a soundtrack of THUMPING hip-hop. Sleuth didn’t know whether to kiss the chef (young protégé Luke Cotterill) or hide in the khazi.
You can find The Rabbit Loves A Banging Tune through Manchester's most nondescript doorway located on the ground floor of the National Football Museum... there's a young girl outside smoking a fag.
The Pain Au Pilchard
SNAKE DIY
Sleuth was in a hardware store on Upper Chorlton Road looking for a washer for a bike. A woman was at the counter and a man was waiting behind her. They were the only three customers in the shop. “I need the part for a cage. I keep a snake, non-venomous of course,” said the woman. “I keep a snake too,” said the man. What were the odds in Manchester, thought Sleuth exchanging a look with the shopkeeper. “It’s an eight foot boa constrictor,” the man continued. “Mine’s not as big as that. Do you let it out?” said the woman. “Oh yes, he loves the garden,” said the man, pausing before continuing, “and television. He loves watching TV with his head on my lap. Strictly’s his favourite.” “That’s sweet,” said the woman. “Yea,” said the man, “people don’t realise how loving and affectionate snakes are.”
TAKE-AWAY FAIL
Sleuth was in Shoryu Ramen, Piccadilly Gardens. He was loving it and spotted the Ontama sous vide egg. “Look,” he said to the waitress and the editor, “there’s an egg in a bag here.” "I'm sorry," replied the waitress, “We don’t do take-away.” “No, I meant it’s cooked sous-vide, cooked in a bag in other words,” said Sleuth. The waitress looked puzzled and moved off. “Do you really think she thought I wanted to take-away a single egg in a bag?” said Sleuth, amused by the mental image of him exiting the shop with a large bag containing an egg, just an egg.
The egg is out of the bag
ADDRESS FAIL
Sleuth knows where Manchester is. It’s in the North of England. But now he’s not so sure. On the Shoryu Ramen website it says how this ‘is our first branch outside London bringing authentic hakata tonkotsu ramen to the Midlands’. The Midlands? Like Birmingham? God no. Shame on them.
The Midlands? Er
IF ONLY, IF ONLY, THE GARDEN VILLAGE WE ALL WANTED
There has been much talk nationally about new garden villages with the nearest proposed to Manchester being at Halstead on Merseyside. Sleuth continually pines for the one that got away from Manchester 108 years ago that would have knocked Port Sunlight, for instance, into a cocked hat. This would have been in Withington where the Old Moat Estate sits but covering a much larger area. It was designed by Edgar Wood (here’s the story). Look at the pictures. Art galleries, spacious boulevards, fountains, modernist houses and more traditional semis, dreams, dreams, dreams. Such a shame it was never built thinks Sleuth, it would have been an international tourist attraction by now.
Edgar Wood's Immaculate Dream
UNITED NEED UP-TO-DATE CARROTS
Word from the United dressing room and from the MEN is that Jose Mourinho intends to strengthen his squad during this January transfer window, starting with some thoroughly sturdy root veg.
Despite their rise to the top, the carrots remain grounded
SLEUTH'S WEIRD MANNEQUINS OF THE WEEK
Finally, bosses at the Corn Exchange, sick of all the commotion and mess caused by the skateboarders stationed permanently outside in Cathedral Gardens, have finally had enough. "We've had it up to here with all the noise and the litter outside our restaurants," said Corn Exchange boss, Arthur Botherington, “so we’ve inexplicably put up these weird mannequins dressed in Great Gatsby-inspired 1920s flapper girl outfits and surrounded them with bottles of hot sauce, menus and cookbooks… that should shift them."
And off they buggered
