Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious @mcrsleuth
EXPERIENTIAL HOTEL LAUNCHES AT THE TRAFFORD CENTRE
Sleuth is pleased that the new 220-bedroom hotel next to the Trafford Centre is underway. It’s a modular hotel made entirely from shipping containers. To quote (and the Land Rover fact is Sleuth’s fave of the week): The containers, ‘weighing around 20 tonnes each - the equivalent of eight Land Rovers - are individually stacked, with all 220 guest rooms being installed within a two to four week period.’ Speaking to Sleuth, the manager of Tower Hotel Management, said: “Given how the migrant issue is dominating the world customers can now sample stowing away in a dark shipping container in the hold of a ship travelling to an uncertain future in a possibly unfriendly country. We think it’s a breakthrough in immersive accommodation but fortunately with little chance of sinking.”
The new Holiday Inn Express - the equivalent of a million Land Rovers
SLEUTH’S SNEAKY TRAM OF THE WEEK
Of course, the manager in the above story about the shipping container hotel said nothing of the sort. This is going to be just another normal budget hotel which will open in 2017. But Sleuth loves the sneaky tram at the bottom right of the artist’s projection. As our story here revealed the Metrolink might come along in 2020/21 but nothing is certain, so don’t hang around outside your container waiting for a tram into a real city centre.
DEAD RAT FOUND, LIB DEMS UP IN ARMS
Sleuth was shocked to learn that a dead rat (pictured top) was discovered by a lady in Withington this week. The lady discovered the ‘DECAYING RAT’ on a wall outside a ‘family home’ (not any old house, but a family home, where children play) on the corner of Davenport Ave and Hill Street, and naturally the Lib Dems are up in arms. Sleuth received a not in any way sensationalist press release from the office of Manchester’s sole opposition councillor, John Leech, who said the rotting rodent’s dangerous proximity to residences was the absolute fault of the Labour council, who earlier this year swapped bigger bins for smaller bins to promote recycling. He said: “This is going to be a massive inconvenience and could cause infestations when overflowing bins are not collected… the bin saga has gone too far as families, especially children, are now put at risk”
…of one rat. A dead one. Sleuth says lock up the kids.
Oh, wait, Sleuth’s inbox has just pinged. Oh dear…
COUNCILLOR WANTS TO BE SHOP
Despite the daft press release Sleuth does like to hear from the former MP, particularly at Christmas time. Sleuth just loves his fuzzy festive ads. Hold on...
SLEUTH’S LEAST APPEALING FAST FOOD SNACK BAR JOINT ABOUT TO OPEN
Sleuth has been to Holland and can remember a fast food and snack bar culture dominated by hot dogs, waffles, chips, mayonnaise, really dodgy kebabs and unending sweet bbq sauces. So he’s not exactly sure how the new Dutch Fast Food outlet on Whitworth Street West is going to perform. Still he hopes that snert is offered. Not only because snert sounds vile but also because it reads very nicely being a thick pea and veg soup complete with rockworst (smoke sausage) and katenspek (Dutch bacon). Sleuth bets though it just serves kebabs, hot dogs, pizzas and waffles.
Fresh out the Dutch oven
SLEUTH’S ASTONISHING DUTCH FACT OF THE WEEK
Sleuth was taking some Dutch footy fans around the city centre the other week after they’d been to a United match. They kept giggling about an incident at Old Trafford. “Go on tell me what happened,” said Sleuth. “Jan did the swaffelen on the Old Trafford stadium,” said one chap about another. Sleuth was confused. “You don’t know what swaffelen is?” Sleuth shook his head. He was in no way prepared for what came next. “It is when you hit your penis against a famous building,” said our man, “it is very well-known in the Netherlands.” And it is, much to Sleuth’s astonishment. In fact it was the ‘word of the year’ in 2008 in the Low Countries following a student getting suspended from college for ‘swaffelening’ the Taj Mahal and uploading the incident to YouTube. Sleuth thinks it was only really a matter of time before Old Trafford suffered the same ghastly fate. “Is your friend Jan a City fan?” asked Sleuth to more giggles.
Old Trafford has been swaffelended
SLEUTH’S POINTLESS SIGN OF THE WEEK
Oh come on when do they ever bother about this sort of sign, and Sleuth is a cyclist so he knows. Indeed as he was taking this picture a man in his forties dressed all in lycra flashed past, saw Sleuth taking the picture, laughed scornfully and said, “Not stopping me.” Lycra on an older male cyclist with an expensive bike mused Sleuth can for some of them be a bit like movie and TV series Westworld, where otherwise placid and safe modern folk dress up in costume, assume a new persona and take out their frustrations on robots.
Pointless sign
FACTS, SIR, CONCRETE FACTS
The worthy people at the Manchester Modernist Society have launched a crowdfunding campaign of £7,500 ‘to enable the publication of Manchester Modern, a book twenty years in the making by Richard Brook of the Manchester School of Architecture’. Sleuth loves this part: ‘There will be four editions to choose from including a 'concrete deluxe' collectors’ edition which will come with a custom formed concrete book cover and will be limited to only 20 copies.’ Excellent, a concrete book cover. Sleuth recommends Manchester Modernist Society use part of the Piccadilly Gardens Wall when it comes down. And as Sleuth always says, 'you should never judge a book by its cover but by how much it weighs.’
Sweet concrete patterns in the Manchester School of Art. Maybe a cover like this
SLEUTH AND THE LEADER
Sleuth bumped into the Council Leader Sir Richard Leese at an event at the Principal Hotel. They talked about 2017’s elections for elected mayor for Greater Manchester. Leese was clear that the region is doing well under the Combined Authority (all ten boroughs talking together). So if, say it’s favourite Andy Burnham who wins, Burnham will be heading up an established organisation with few powers of his own. “In reality mayor is the wrong name in this case and gives the wrong impresssion. The title should be leader,” said Leese. “Er…like the Fuhrer," said Sleuth doubtfully, alluding to the fact fuhrer means leader in German. The knight of the realm, gave Sleuth a steely look, “We wouldn’t be calling him Leader in German, would we? We wouldn’t really be calling the elected mayor, the Fuhrer. We’d be calling him leader in English.”
Sir Richard Leese: a real leader
BEER MAN LOVES CAMERA
Sleuth was at the launch of the new Seven Bro7hers Beerhouse in Ancoats this week with the editor, who was trying to capture some footage of the new venue for a first look piece. "Problem is..." said the editor, "everywhere I turn this one bloke in a camel jumper manages to get into the shot. One minute he'll be at the bar, the next he's coming through the front door... are the seven brothers twins?" "Unlikely," said Sleuth, "but there is a man in a camel jumper swimming in my pint."
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