Week 50: in which Sleuth almost steps on an alien after a date with Kerry Katona
Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city each week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. Sometimes Sleuth even gets serious, but not often... @mcrsleuth
Aimless gossip and Kerry Katona
Sleuth was in the remarkably good and brand new Mamucium restaurant in Hotel Indigo close to Victoria Station, try that deconstructed Lancashire hotpot, wow. Mamucium was the Roman name for Manchester and means ‘breast-shaped hill.’ There was filming going on in the restaurant. It was Celebs go Dating and there was Kerry Katona, of Atomic Kitchen and a million-zillion print miles of aimless gossip, talking to some Joe Normal who looked way out of his depth. There were at least ten production staff all wondering is this really the type of work I wanted to do when I graduated from media school? You could also hear them all thinking, no, it really wasn’t. They seemed to enjoy the food though.
Dating aversion therapy
Kerry Katona was working really hard for Celebs go Dating and could be heard, asking, Joe Normal questions such as, “Are you are a morning or a night person?” or “What’s your favourite exercise?” He didn’t seem to have much conversation but at that last question stood up eagerly and raised his top so she could see his abdomen which may or may not have sported a tattoo. He looked for all the world like a male primate performing a mating ritual. Katona took that moment to turn her head away, she may have vomited. Ah thought Sleuth, what happened to old fashioned wooing. Given the restaurant’s name the ‘couple’ looked a right pair of....
How to win friends and influence people
Restaurant Mcr opened in the former Manchester House space this week. Chef Aiden Byrne had invited movers and shakers including fellow chef, the colourful and effervescent Andrew Nutter, and footballers such as Juan Mata, the Spanish player of Manchester United fame. Or maybe not fame. Nutter was clearly not up to speed with a who’s who of United players and completely oblivious to the goal-scoring midfielder’s international status, grabbed Juan Mata by the face, gave it a little shake and bellowed, “Aren’t you cute?”
On the pavement no one can hear you scream
Sleuth doesn’t want to spoil the Christmas spirit but he was shocked to find this small dead Alien from the movies of the same name on the pavement. So he went to Mamucium, see the above stories, and ate one of the best meals he’s had this year just like a Predator. You should have seen the mess.
Father Pissmas
We live in a cynical age where childish beliefs in entities such as Father Christmas are being undermined daily. So much so, that Santa has now let himself go completely, given himself the sack and hit the bottle which can’t be good for his ‘elf. Sleuth found him next to a bin close to the Barton Arcade, clutching a bottle and splashing his boots.
Bong Bong celebrity
The voice of Rochdale is to be heard at last. Not since the glory days of Lisa Stansfield has it resounded so lyrically and beautifully. At 6pm on Radio 4 on Christmas Eve the traditional intro bongs to the main news will come not from Big Ben but from Rochdale Town Hall. Rochdale Council Leader, Allen Brett, has said the broadcast will provide ‘a huge boost’ for the area. Sleuth isn’t sure about that. What with high indices of deprivation across the borough, six bongs, ain’t going to change that much. Still, it’s good that the mighty Northern Powerhouse (remember that) will ring across the festive country. Sleuth would rather have had HS3 though, the high speed rail link between Liverpool and Hull. Yet let’s be thankful for every little gift that gets handed down.
Peaky madness
Despite being set in Birmingham and relating the story of vicious criminals Sleuth learns there are three places in Manchester with a Peaky Blinders theme: the new bar on Peter Street; Porky Blinders sausage seller under the Arndale; and Peaky Blinders Rum in the Xmas Market. Apparently the council are considering a new TV themed car park with no markings, called Parky Blunders. And with one fell swoop of wit Sleuth yet again wins the Manchester Comedian of the Year award 2018.
Pankhurst statue to be erected
Sleuth was passing the wrapped up statue of Emmeline Pankhurst preparing to be unveiled. At last there will be a statue to mark this influential and intellectual heavyweight of feminism in her own city, he thought. Still, looking at the shape of the wrapped up statue he couldn’t help thinking of something else not quite in keeping with the serious mood.
