We’ve all done it – that obviously feigned smile of gratitude when unwrapping a thoughtfully presented gift which leads us to question whether the gift-giver knows us at all.
You smile, you over-enthusiastically give thanks, make up reasons why said gift is just what you’ve always wanted and examine it’s every detail, closely and obviously.
It’s a yearly Schrödinger's Cat scenario where a sheath of festively decorated paper hides unknown and exciting possibilities. Tearing away the paper can often result in pleasant surprise, sometimes euphoria and undying gratitude. Other times it reveals a dead cat, in a manner of speaking.
Then follows the most common seasonal dance of all, The Embarrassed Waltz of the Gift Exchange.
You smile, you over-enthusiastically give thanks, make up reasons why said gift is just what you’ve always wanted and examine it’s every detail, closely and obviously. Overall this makes a spectacle more entertaining for knowing onlookers than an Only Fool and Horses special.
Schrodinger's MiceLast Christmas my own dead cat came fittingly in the form of six silver plated cocktail sticks, each topped with a gleeful dancing mouse.
“Oh thanks Dad, this is just what I’ve been looking for.” I have not seen the mice since.
Also, whether you know it or not, no matter how good you think you are at buying presents, you’ve put someone through this. Although, unless you’re the ultimate Christmas cynic, I’m sure your heart was in the right place.
Year on year, people get their loved ones gifts so wrong that it's led to Highstreetvouchers.com conducting a national survey to find out people’s worst gifts. And here is the offending list...
Who buys the worst gifts - Top 5
1. Partners 19.3% (171 responses)
2. In-Laws 15.8% (140 responses)
3. Friends 14.4% (128 responses)
4. Parents 13% (115 responses)
5. Aunts/Uncles 10.7% (95 responses)
Worst Gifts - Top 10
1. Jumpers
2. Irons
3. Perfume
4. Saucepans
5. Slippers
6. Diet books/memberships
7. Socks
8. Chocolates
9. Clothes in the wrong size
10. Granny knickers
Top 20 responses:
“On my first Christmas as a married woman my husband bought me a packet of 3 sponges from the pound shop. I got told blue was for washing the car, green was for the bathroom and pink was for the dog” Jacquelin, Isle of Lewis
“A pair of ear-rings that had been previously worn - they weren't on a card or in a box but were wrapped in toilet roll!” Wendy, Kent
“A hand knitted jumper from an aunt. She had used all her odds and ends of wool and it looked like vomit.” Alistair, Ceredigion
“A diet book when I was 9 years old and a bar of soap when I was 10.” Aby, Mid Glamorgan
“New lead for my dog that died two weeks before.” Sandra, Cheshire
“An embroidered cat suitcase, it was the ugliest thing I have ever seen!” Sarah, East Midlands
“A white fleece jumper covered with large gold metal stars from which leather tassels hung!” Lisa, Fife
“Stretch mark cream.” Michelle, Lancashire
“A Turkey Recipe Book - it was a bad idea as I've been a vegetarian all my life.” Debbie, Glasgow
“Hair salon vouchers, because I'm bald.” Jonathon, Lancashire
“Pyjamas off my husband because the top was a size 22 and the bottoms a size 14. I am a size 10.” Paula, Mid Glamorgan
“Perfume that smelt like a wet dog.” Michelle, Merseyside
“A pair of scissors, because I'd asked for something shiny and this is what I got! I was thinking earrings?” Jennifer, West Midlands
“A book on how to survive diabetes. Which I don't have!” Tom, Somerset
“A packet of cigs and I’d just come out of hospital after having heart attack.” Sandra, Norfolk
“A diary that was 3 years out of date!” Clare, Oxfordshire
“A Leo horoscope book, I'm a Virgo.” Mikaela, Lancashire
“Women’s knickers – I’m male!” Mike, Leicestershire
“Gloves, the worst gift ever as I only have one hand.” Carol, Pembrokeshire
“A tube of toothpaste and toothbrush… what were they trying to say?!” Leigh, Oxfordshire
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