WITH THE FIFA World Cup Brazil ’14 upon us faster than Cristiano Ronaldo on a three-way inside the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue party bus, you may be wondering where in Manchester to catch the action from Brazil.
Those tiki-botherers down at Keko Moku NQ are claiming they're going to screen every match possible – including the biggie of Bosnia vs Iran at 5pm on Wednesday 25 June. Bring your krmez.
Of course, you could always stay at home and watch the games, but then, you’d save way too much time and money. Where’s the fun in that? And who are you going to swear at? The kids? That’s not cricket.
This is the World Cup. You need beer down your neck and elbows in your face. You need to start chants that nobody else joins in with and sit needing the khazi for 80 minutes because there’s no bloody way you’re giving your spot to Gary.
So go get sand in your eye at ITV's Old Granada Studios beach stadium, or go big-shot and book out a private box with bubbles and fancy bites at the Malmaison.
'Watching the game at home are you boi?' says Roy Hodgson several years ago with a stylish bouffant bonce
If you’d rather handwash Rooney’s bum-huggers than stand up for the game, The Comedy Store on Deansgate Locks are throwing in entry with a comfy seat and two beers for £5, while in the Northern Quarter, Montpellier’s basement bar will be showing the matches on a big high-definition projector screen.
There’s free pizza throughout all England games (so three) at Black Dog NWS, NQ and Dog Bowl, while the more discerning punter can score a personal screen and table service at the private member's Milton Club.
Almost Famous at Great Northern have installed TVs in their two private rooms available for group hire with a World Cup burger special on offer (currently bubbling in the lab), while those tiki- botherers down at Keko Moku NQ are threatening to screen every match possible – including the biggie of Bosnia vs Iran at 5pm on Wednesday 25 June.
Makes sense, you can’t move for Bosnians and Iranians in the Northern Quarter.
Vindalooo.. Vindalooo... Na Na:
ITV's Fever Pitch at Old Granada Studios
The former car park of Granada's old headquarters on Quay Street has been transformed into an ITV World Cup fan park with 450 tonnes worth of imported sand, a 3,000 capacity beach stadium and a whopping 40 square metre screen. Most of the FREE tickets for the game have already been snapped up, but there'll be a small number of tickets avaliable on the day, on a first come, first served basis. More here.
ITV's planned Fever Pitch beach stadium
Two drinks and a comfy bum for £5 at The Comedy Store
Confidential have teamed up with The Comedy Store on Deansgate Locks to offer our readers this offer: entry, two beers (or soft drinks), a guaranteed view and a comfy bottom - all for a fiver. The venue will be showing England vs Uruguay (Thurs 19 June 8pm) and England vs Costa Rica (Tues 24 june 5pm) in the theatre. Tickets here.
World Famous
The city's chief pattie pushers Almost Famous will be showing the big games in the separate bar upstairs and are offering up their two private dining rooms, one seating twelve and the other 22, for private hire. Each room has TVs inside so you can pick whichever game you want - watch Eastenders if you wish - you're pals will probably be miffed, mind. They've also slung together a World cup special that will overwhelm your peepers like a stroll down Rio beach. Where's the rest of her cossie? @AlmostFamousGN
Famous Gorilla is backing Japan
Free pizza from Black Dog NWS, NQ and Black Dog
The Black Dog trio have got the pizzas in and slung up a bunch of new TVs in preparation for Brazil '14. Black Dog Northern Quarter, New Wakefield Street and Dog Bowl will be dishing out free pizza throughout all England games, alongside Brazilian beers, cocktails and grub - they're also be throwing a World Cup sticker bash party on Thurs 12 June on the NWS roof terrace, but you won't be interested in that - because you're not seven. Drinks offers include £3 cocktails, £2 bottles of Tuborg, £2 bottles of K2, and £3.20 bottles of Fresca. Info here
Watch from the private box at the Malmaison
Not the cheapest one this - but you're unlikely to find a more lavish World Cup option in all of Manchester. Private rooms with 50 inch plasma screens can accommodate up to 88 people, with private hire rooms starting from around £100 (pennies if everyone chips in). Buckets of twelve beers can be purchased from £40 and Mal Classic Buffets can be bought from £15.95 pp. Who wants to mix with the oiks anyway? More here.
Malmaison oooo
FREE booths at All Star Lanes
All Star Lanes are offering the chance to book a booth in the venue for FREE - you don't even have to go bowling (you can always knock a few pins after the game, mind). There'll be table service on hand to keep the buckets of beer flowing and scoff from the new menu, including Buttermilk Fried Chicken and NYC Salt Beef Reuben, should you want it. Which you will, naturally. Call 0161 871 3600 or see here.
Kaka Moku
Regardless that you can perhaps fit a full-eleven in this Northern Quarter tiki bar at a push, bosses at Keko are claiming that they're going to be showing more of the World Cup than anywhere else in Manchester. True? Who cares. They're giving it a go. Whether anyone actually turns up at 11pm for Honduras vs Ecuador is another matter, but like Fraser Foster, they'll always be there should you need them. @KekoMoku
Another goal? Down these...
Albert's Chop House all-in offer
Confidential has again teamed up with one of our partners to offer this cracking all-in World Cup offer at Albert Square's most consistent and handsome restaurant, Albert Square Chop House. For £49.95 you'll get a 'Manchester Plate' for 2/3 people, a bucket of ten beers and a table in the bar to watch the game. Bargain. Enquire here.
Mont-Pele-ier's
Montpellier is not only the capital of the Languedoc-Roussillon region in southern France, the eighth largest city in the country and home to the Montpellier HSC, where former Manchester United and '98 World Cup winner Laurent Blanc (got there in the end) began his career, but also a Northern Quarter alleyway bar showing all the World Cup action. Downstairs in Montpellier's basement bar you can book a table or even the whole area and tuck into their food and booze packages starting from £9.95. More here.
Albert's Chop House have an all-in World Cup offer
The Beautiful Game in style at Milton
Perhaps the last place you'd expect to be watching the footy in Manchester - besides Chetham's Library - this Deansgate private member's club has leapt from behind the velvet rope and dived into the occasion with personal HD screens in the bookable booths. Good on 'em. Besides, if they weren't showing the footy, they'd only have a club full of buxom, lonely.... Hold on... Info here.
Somebody had pinched Neymar's seat
