"HARD or soft? Medium-hard, then? City or country? Stranger or someone you know? P*ssy or c*nt? D*ck or c*ck?"
Nobody knows more about sexuality than a phone sex operator - we know there's no limits to sexual fantasy
In order to compose my own personalised erotica, American playwright and performer Cameryn Moore is firing across an artillery of vulgar questions. "Answer honestly," she says. "Don't be chicken shit."
I'd somehow found myself exploring the very base levels of sexual fantasy in the middle of Thomas Street on a pleasant sunny Friday afternoon. After ten minutes, Moore stands up to recite my finished short-story, proudly - and to my inwardly held dismay, very loudly. It includes the words 'cum' and 'salty trails'. Kids are about. People stare.
I'd first met Moore the previous evening sat in the same spot dressed in cowboy boots and a dangerously low cut dress, while rapidly typing on a small typewriter at around 10pm. ‘Bespoke erotica FAST. Abrupt erotica, smut while you wait' reads her makeshift sign. There was a queue forming, some were drunk, many were artsy kids with ‘open’ and fluid sensibilities. Cameryn Moore had a sh-t-load to write and tells me to come back the next day.
The intrigue got the better of me so I returned. As Manchester's street buskers goes this one even beats 7ft men dressed in white sheets handing out lollipops.
"It helps pay for grocery money," she explains, with her straight-talking, low-registered, American accent. "I'm touring the UK for the Manchester Fringe festival and I need to eat, so this is what I do."
"Last year I sat on Canal Street - I thought it would be gay friendly and sex friendly but it was madness. It was full of hen parties and no offence that wasn’t the sort of crowd I wanted coming down to my show. Of course, I do get a lot of attention. When people get in my face, I pick up my shit and my typewriter and I get out there – I’m not going to stick around."
Originally from Boston, Moore is an award-winning playwright and, in another bizzare twist of life, a professional phone-sex operator. As a performer she combines the two on stage with her upcoming show Phone Whore, a one-act play with frequent interruptions, which she'll perform to an audience at the King's Arms on 22 - 24 July. Cameryn’s titles also include Slut fucker and Slut (R)evolution. F-bombs and an extensive pornographic vocabularly spoken so plainly they take you back a bit.
"This show is underground. Really underground," she stresses poker-faced.
"I'm looking for the type of person that’s brave enough to approach a woman with a typewriter in the middle of the street and let her ask you questions about dicks and cocks. They're the people probably brave enough to handle the show – until it gets really weird," she adds.
"This isn’t a tits and giggles farce, it’s a scripted play, exploring four different scenarios. It's not a comedy but a drama with comedic aspects."
Phone Whore will allow the audience to ask Moore questions about her other job. Although Moore continually warns that this play may lead you to rethink everything you think you know about sex and fantasy.
"Nobody knows more about sexuality than a phone sex operator - we know there's no limits to sexual fantasy," she explains. "It's likely you'll be disturbed by what you hear. I take inspiration from real-life calls I've had."
While Moore reiterates that her show will leave some of the audience disturbed and emotionally violated, again the intrigue gets the better of me. Moore is naturally funny, in a dead-pan, straight-talking way. She's also extremely encouraging, private, allowing customers a temporary safe-place to be a little more unabashed than usual.
Moore's Phone Whore joins Manchester Fringe Festival controversial line-up which this year includes Women Who Wank. She's previously headlined Fringe festivals across the UK including Edingburgh. Online she has a generous fan base and she's striking up attention here in the city too - she's just tweeted that she's been booted off the BBC as I type. There's something about this woman, her smut and typewriter that makes you want to learn more.
Still, the jury's out on this one.
I leave Moore, £15 down (yet happily contributing to her grocery fund) with my personalised erotica rolled up like a scroll. Inside, details my rendezvous with 'stone pillar' hard penises and scratched backs. It's something to be treasured. If EL James and her poorly written literary porn 50 Shades Of Grey could bank millions, I sincerely could have the next big porn hit in my back pocket.
For now, you can find Cameryn Moore on Thomas Street until she debuts her show at the Kings Arms (22- 24 July).
For those looking to be titillated, here's Cameryn Moore's abrupt erotica, complete with 'typos and gratis', below: