SleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth
Warning. These are a mainly serious set of Sleuths
Reds True Barbecue And the Art Of Amusing Advertising
Vegetarianism was at the centre of a mighty row this week. Reds True Barbecue, the very meaty Albert Square purveryor of Americana food, released a series of tongue-in cheek ads. These pictured sad looking folk with the strapline 'Don't let Vegetarianism happen to someone you love' and then a phone number. It was designed in that familiar charity emotional pull-on-your-heartstrings manner. It was hilarious - look. Of course there were complaints, it's 2014, after all.
Very funny, really very funny
Sleuth Gets Annoyed Not Offended
Then Reds did something which annoyed Sleuth. They stopped the ads and apologised (click here) in the face of a blither of weeping and wailing from people who think if they can find some offence in something it's their duty to be offended by it. Dear me Reds, strength of your convictions eh boys? Sleuth reckons that by saying sorry Reds kow-towed to the sort of people who get offended even if - as with this joke veggie campaign - the object of their offence isn't their beef - pun completely intended.
The Art Of Being Offended For Other People
Sleuth had a twitter row with a person who wasn't a vegetarian about the funny Reds' poster. He compared the ads to racism and homophobia as though vegetarians have faced decades of discrimination with a lack of opportunity and violence thrown in. Sleuth can't recall the last time a vegetarian was in the news for being beaten up just because they were vegetarian - although he's pretty sure somebody will point out an instance on the rants below.
This man is suspected of not, and of never having been, a vegetarian. Here he's been caught Reds-handed again
Howard Jacobson And Why It's Good To Be Offended
Sleuth wonders about this ability to bask and bathe in offence. Being offended now and then is good for us surely, puts the real issues in perspective? Howard Jacobson, the Man Booker prize winning novelist, and a Manchester man, is big on this. Writing about a sick joke (click here), he said: 'Precisely because it was offensive is the answer. Precisely because it was off-colour, cruel, heartless, in the very worst of taste. We need relieving sometimes not just of propriety and discretion but of grief and horror. And comedy is the place we go to get that relief. It isn't that in comedy anything goes; in comedy anything must go. If you're not being offended you might as well stay home.'
Howard Jacobson
Sleuth An Apology For Causing Offence
Sleuth would like to apologise to Yaya Toure for causing offence by forgetting his birthday. Even though Sleuth isn't a City fan, his middle son is, so Sleuth forgetting or not celebrating Yaya Toure's birthday is unforgivable - if not as unforgiveable as the BBC interviewing his agent and not asking, "Doesn't Yaya Toure think this makes him look like an absolute idiot especially to fans who struggle to afford Etihad ticket prices while he earns almost £300k a week?'
Sleuth With An Apology For The Apology For Causing Offence
To anybody offended by that apology Sleuth would like to apologise.
Sleuth's Hero Of The Week
Sleuth's hero of the week is this man who during last weekend's gorgeous weather decided to take in the view.
Sleuth was slightly worried about him dropping his beer bottle but couldn't help admire the agility and the cocksure dandy-ness of it all.
Mind you if you look at the dimensions of the apartment he occupies on Hanging Ditch then he probably needed to find a little more space in which to relax.
Spot the man on the edge looking down on Manchester, sun on his back, beer in his hand
Sleuth's Worst Name Of The Week
Sleuth receives the police reports and on Thursday found out Domenyk Noonan, he of the big wheel climbing exploits, was in trouble again. He learnt through the police report Noonan had changed his name to Domenyk Lattlay-Fottfoy. The latter is an acronym for ‘Look After Those That Look After You – Fuck Over Those That Fuck Over You’. Seriously disturbed doesn’t go close.
Sleuth's Unlikeliest Bottle Of Grog Of The Week
Sleuth was a little surprised to find in the Ordsall Tesco Express on Trafford Road, bottles of Dom Perignon at £115, there's Krug too, at £134. Ordsall is, let's say, a colourful Salford estate now going through a huge re-invention and redevelopment. Sleuth reckons it must be doing better than expected. Unless the bottles are for Peel Group at nearby MediaCityUK celebrating the lease they persuaded the BBC to sign.
Expensive champagne in Ordsall
Pigs On Pavements Provide Moral Message
Back to taking offence and food - it's the flavour of the month you know. PETA are excited at present. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are vegan and they're as evangelical as born again God-botherers. This week is Vegetarian Week and 22 May was ex-Smiths’ frontman Morrissey’s birthday, so PETA stencilled twenty pigs on Manchester pavements stating ‘Meat is still murder’, in recognition of The Smiths album Meat is Murder from 1985. Why Manchester? Well the band were from here of course. Sleuth found one of the stencilled pigs on the pavement outside the Confidential office. It made him hungry.
Pigs on pavements
Something Joyous (Mostly) On Sleuth This Week At Last - A Fine Fine Dinner
Chick, morels, asparagus joyThat Michael Caines can’t half cook. Confidential was along for An Evening with Michael Caines at the MC Abode Restaurant. Pure bloody genius. The standout course was the boudin of chicken with morels so excellent they made Sleuth weep for the joy of good food. Then there was the loaf of love.
"What is this?" Sleuth asked with his mouth full.
The object of his desire was a loaf which when opened and lavished with salty butter produced a semi-catatonic esctasy. Sleuth reckons it's a legal high.
Michael Caines explained how the loaf was made. After the first five minutes Sleuth realised there was no point trying to bake the thing at home, it was too complex. By the way the bread is called Pain de Morvan and involves bran, honey and no regrets at all. Go along and snaffle some.
Pain de Morvan with some lovage in the sunshine in Sleuth's garden
Lies To Tell Tourists - New Shop For King Street
Sleuth hears the new council initiative offering discounted rates for 18 months for shops left empty for a year is already bearing fruit - Confidential exclusive here. In King Street next week Sleuth learns the first Apology Shop will open. Here apologies can be bought off the shelf for all manner of occasions when individuals feel they have caused offence. There will be two departments: downstairs will be for sincere apologies, upstairs will be for insincere apologies.
I'm sorry
