Things To Do This Week: 28 June – 4 July

Drink: Chorlton Coffee Festival, Chorlton, Friday 28 June – Sunday 30 June

What would we do without coffee? Colleagues would be smashing each other over the bonce with keyboards, wannaWAGs would have nowhere to ‘be seen’ drinking a frappuccino and worst of all, Starbucks wouldn’t be turning over £500 trillion whilst paying 27p in corporation tax (yes you may have been guilt tripped into giving the HMRC £5m, but we’re still watching you. Gits).

This festival held in and around Chorlton is thought to be the first of its kind in the city. More than 30 bars, cafes, restaurants and vendors are poised to set up stall, hosting events and activities around the area including a barista competition, a poetry workshop (our entry is below), gigs, free interactive masterclasses by Salon de Kahlua’s The Liquorists and even a small film festival held at Saturday’s ‘hub’, Chorlton Central Church.

Mostly free except for festival hub entry. £3 adults £1 children.

More information on Chorlton Coffee Festival here.

Gran couldn't get the bloody fancy kettle to work

Film: This Is The End, Various Cinemas, Opens Friday 28 June

From the writers of Superbad and Pineapple Express comes this apocalyptic self-deprecating comedy set almost entirely in James Franco’s (Oz and Spiderman) ridiculous LA mansion. The plot in one sentence: Lots of big Hollywood types including Seth Rogen (Superbad), Jonah Hill (Superbad), Michael Cera (Superbad) and Rihanna (not in Superbad: Gets her arse out a lot) attend a drug-fuelled celeb party, but then the world ends.

Hellish chaos ensues, Michael Cera gets impaled by a lamppost and Emma Watson (Harry Potter) shows up wielding an axe to do some good ole’ fashioned pillaging – producing arguably the film’s most memorable quote “Hermione just stole all of our shit.”

If you’re not too script-picky and enjoy films that were most likely thought up whilst passing round a big fat doobie – Then this’ll be a belter.

Food: Live Music Fridays, 47 King Street West, Friday 28 June, 8pm

Good food and good music, why the two go together like Laurel and Hardy, like Snow White and The Dwarfs, like the Middle-East and fisticuffs. Over at 47 King Street West they bring in a different band/artist every Friday to entertain diners as they tuck into the new a la carte menu, including pan fried duck breast with rosti potato and seafood linguine with cod cheeks.

This Friday sees swinging (no not in that sense, although he might, you never know) jazz singer Paul Pashley, who will be dishing out a few popular numbers such as I’ve Got You Under My Skin, thrown in with every housewives favourite, a bit of Bublé.

Reserve a table here.

The invisible man had snuck up on him again

Market: Indie Produce Exchange, Corn Exchange, Friday 28 June – Sunday 30 June

The Corn Exchange is going back to its roots with its first produce market since its heyday back in the early C20. This Indie Produce Exchange will 'showcase Manchester’s finest food and drink produce' with a host of local retailers and grocers packing out the building to re-awaken that bustling 1930s market-vibe, before the economic depression and Tesco ruined it for everybody.

Emma James from the Corn Exchange said, “It’s fantastic to take this incredible building right back to its roots as a produce market for the first time in nearly a century. There’s a real buzz about this event.”

Nice pun that Emma.

More information on the Indie Produce Exchange at Corn Exchange here.

The infamous Carcass Thief have struck again

Tour: The Only Dark Tour In MCR: The Haunted Underworld, Meet at St Ann's Square War Memorial, Saturday 22 June, 1.30pm

Now and then our editor Jonathan Schofield, not unlike Gollum from LOTR, likes to lead unsuspecting folk down into the murky depths of underground Manchester where he then chains them up and leaves them for dead like the Jigsaw Killer from Saw. Half of this is a fib – I'm afraid it's up to you to find out which half.

Leading you through a dark and mysterious undercroft of the city centre, old stories come alive. There are tales of dead artists, sinister magicians, tragic lovers and demons. You will find the stories moving, tragic but incorporating a few laughs as well.

The tour is conducted in the dark with just the faintest of light to encourage 'activity' of a spooky kind - and to make it easier for our editor to pounce and chain you up.

£8 (not recommended for children under ten). You can book tickets for the Haunted Underworld tours here.

Woooo - spooky

Event: Armed Forces Day, Piccadilly Gardens, Saturday 29 June, 11am – 5pm

Manchester will show its appreciation for the Armed Forces, past and present, this Saturday with a host of goings-on down at Piccadilly Gardens. There’ll be live music and dancing including the Lancashire Artillery Volunteers Band, a Royal Air Force flight simulator, food and drink stalls, the Veterans’ Static Parade of Standards (a static parade? Well, they are old you know) and displays of military vehicles – which is good news because I’ve always wanted to drive a tank down Market Street like Pierce Brosnan in Goldeneye

Gingers: Redhead Day UK, The Printworks, Saturday 29 June, Starts 11am

Chris Evans, Ron Weasley, Paul Scholes and Charles Kennedy, none of those prominent gingers will be present at the UK’s first ever Redhead day. Someone that will be present however is Lucy Dixon who plays lesbian redhead Tilly Evans in Hollyoaks (unfortunately Nicole Kidman had to pull out). She said about the event, “Don’t hide away or let anyone tell you it’s bad to be different. Embrace it and love it. Red heads rule!” Quite.

This event is attempting to stamp out the stigma attached to gingerness and to help improve the self-esteem of redheads by celebrating all things strawberry-blonde. There’ll be colour and image consultants, fashion workshops, motivational speakers and ginger comedians, singers and even a ginger magicians (for my next trick, I’m going to get a tan).

Get there quick, the National Geographic says in the next 100 years gingers will be completely extinct, maybe as early as 2060 – except in Scotland, naturally.

 Free to everyone. More information on Redhead Day UK here.

Hucknall's illegitimates had formed a union

Music: The Hallé: Ol’ Blue Eyes is back, The Bridgewater Hall, Saturday 29 June, 7.30pm

Think of the most iconic pop figures in the C20 and the likelihood is that along with Elvis, Dylan, Hendrix, Jedward and Duncan from Blue, Frank Sinatra will top a lot of lists. Not only was he a musician, with a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so sharp he could slice through diamonds like dairylea, but he was also a huge star of the big screen and TV, with three Oscars, three Golden Globes and around 452 Grammys.

Manchester’s own historic Hallé Orchestra, who gave their first concert in 1858, are teaming up with singer Gary Williams, star of the West End’s Rat Pack, to bring you the closest thing today to hearing Sinatra perform himself, this showcase includes hits I Get A Kick Out Of You, Come Fly With Me and everyone’s funeral favourite My Way.

 £15.50. Tickets for the Hallé Orchestra and Gary Williams are avaliable here.

All Bruce Willis ever wanted to do was sing

Sport: Great Manchester Cycle, Start/End at the Etihad Campus, Sunday 30 June, 8am start (continues throughout the day)

Last year’s event attracted over 7,000 entrants with even more expected this time around. This urban participation event (that means it’s not a race, more of a fun-run on wheels) gives riders three options, a 13 mile ‘Great Day Out’, a 26 mile ‘Rule The Roads’ and a 52 mile ‘Break Away From The Pack’ route, with Olympic gold-medallist in women’s team pursuit, Joanna Rowsell MBE, along for the ride.

And good news for city motorists on Sunday – there’s going to be a truck load of road closures which can all be seen here.

We were going to tell you how to get involved  in the Great Manchester Cycle but it would appear that entry has now closed. Which leaves you with three options really: The first is to go along to the Etihad as a spectator and enjoy the exhibition, food and entertainment. Secondly you could take a bike anyway and try sneakily tag on to the end. Thirdly, take a few sticks along and try fling them into the spokes of a registered rider, while they’re scrambling around on the floor all befuddled, pinch their bike and pedal off into the sunset. Winner.

For more info on the Great Manchester Cycle brochure look here.

The Hells Angels had had to make cuts like everybody else

Music: Smashing Pumpkins, Manchester Academy 1, Monday 2 July, 7pm

These alt-rockers have been going a fair few years, since 1988 in fact, and have sold over 30 million records in the process (about the same as Ricky Martin, not bad that). Formed during America’s post-grunge boom years, the Pumpkins have only managed to retain one original founding member; unsurprisingly that’s composer, ringleader and noted baldy Billy Corgan.

Now fresh from the release of their latest album Oceania (which is but a part of some 44-song concept album he’s putting together), Billy’s bringing his latest assortment of hired-hands over here to kick-start their UK tour in Manchester. To give Billy his due, trends have come and gone, pop, hip hop, electronica, indie did a bit, so did the Cheeky Girls, dub-step (but sadly not Simon Cowell) yet Billy has continued to make his music, sprawling ethereal alternative rock. So good on you Bill, stick it to the man and all that.

£38.50. Tickets are likely to sell out very shortly. So get the last few here.

Theatre: Ghost the Musical, Opera House, Tuesday 3 July, 7.30pm

Before the film starring Patrick Swayze and Ashton Kutcher’s mum Demi Moore, pottery was mainly something to place flowers or a teabag in. Post-Ghost, humble pottery-making became synonymous with a topless hunky man, weeping ladies and a bit of bonking.

A ghostly, heart-string strumming love story adapted for the stage by Bruce Joel Rubin from his Oscar-winning screenplay for the film, this musical, although straying towards the overly sentimental and corny at times, promises to deliver spectacular visual imagery, projections and deceptions.

The Sun described it as 'Jaw-droppingly amazing'. All together now Whoooooah myyyy looooove, myyy darliiiing, I hunger, hungeeeeeerr…

£17.90 - £48.90. Tickets for Ghost available here.

Gallery: Art for All, Thomas Horsfall’s Gift to Manchester. From 7 June 2013 until 2014 

Art for All is an exhibition that explores a selection of nature-themed artworks and objects from the city’s little-known Thomas Horsfall collection. It is co-curated by local school children from St Augustine’s CE Primary School in Harpurhey, Manchester. Thomas Coglan Horsfall (1844-1932) was a philanthropist and a pioneer of art gallery education. He collected over 1,700 objects and artworks for his groundbreaking 1884 Manchester Art Museum. This new exhibition is the result of a project between Manchester Art Gallery and St Augustine's CE Primary School - funded in part by a grant of £40,000 from the Heritage Lottery Fund (HLF) - and is based around Horsfall's art collection, celebrating his dedication to educating children through art, and aiming to connect young people today with the natural world in their local surroundings.  School children from Harpurhey have chosen around 60 artworks from Horsfall’s art collection. Birds, botanical and garden drawings and watercolours all feature. Highlights include two rarely seen watercolours by Ruskin, as well as chalk studies by Ford Madox Brown and Rossetti. Mostly delicate works on paper, many of the pieces are on display for the first time in 60 years. Perfect for an instructional lunch break rather than trying to down four large ones in the boozer.

Museum: Creating The Illusion: Animation in the North West, MOSI's Highlights Gallery, Until November

“HE'S the greatest, he’s fantastic, wherever there is danger he’ll be there. He’s the ace, he’s amazing, he’s the strongest, he’s the quickest, he’s the best.” That would be Danger Mouse, who takes a starring role in this small exhibition alongside fan-faves such as Toad from The Wind in the Willows, Toby from Toby’s Travelling Circus, The BFG and Chorlton from Chorlton and the Wheelies.

Creating the Illusion: Animation in the North West is an exhibition exploring the history of animation in Greater Manchester. From the development of Edwardian Magic Lantern projectors through to the use of modern CGI, all based loosely around the contribution of Manchester’s Brian Cosgrave and Mark Hall, pioneers of UK-based animation and children’s television.

There’s also a nifty little stop motion animation machine and wooden block that you can lark around with in the corner – well as much larking that can be had with a wooden block, a camera and twelve frames. Here’s my effort (watch out Nick Park):

More info here.

Festival: The MIF begins: Macbeth, The Old Woman and Massive Attack v Adam Curtis, Opens Thursday 4 July

The world’s first festival of entirely original work touches down to begin its eighteen day stint in the city. With around 50 separate performances, exhibitions, dances, gigs, discussions, concerts, films and frolics staged in venues from chapels to dilapidated depots, from the mighty Town Hall to the grassy banks of the River Irwell.

With past artists such as Damon Albarn, Bjork and Snoop Doggy Dogg (now known as Snoop Lion after a high priest told him he was no longer a dog – well he was never an actual dog, I could have told him that), highlights this year include serial thespian Kenneth Branagh’s Macbeth and soundscapers Massive Attack in partnership with veteran documentary maker Adam Curtis. Thursday night sees the opening night of these two performances plus Robert Wilson’s The Old Woman with Mikhail Baryshnikov and Willem Dafoe.

All tickets and information for the Manchester International Festival can be found here.

Kenneth Branagh in Macbeth