SATURDAY was the Manchester City Centre Midnight Audit. This was in response to Inspector Ian 'Cinderella' Hanson's comments.
The Greater Manchester Police officer and Police Federation official had said he was terrified to go out in Manchester city centre on a weekend after midnight and that there are sometimes only six police officers around to cope with thousands of revellers.
This is the worry with the rash words from Inspector Hanson. They reinforce fear in people from the suburbs and shires, his words might deter them from coming in at any time.
At Manchester Confidential we've never found the city centre a problem at any time. Nor as a tour guide in 18 years of guiding have I had a single criminal incident (touch wood) involving any of my visitors.
So with Cllrs Pat Karney, Joan Davies and Kevin Peel in tow, along with a MEN photo-journalist (always stealing our stories that lot), I walked the streets at midnight to see if Cinderella Hanson was talking sense.
The three councillors at Deansgate Locks: Davies, Karney, Peel
The route was Exchange Square, The Printworks, Northern Quarter, Piccadilly, The Village, Oxford Road and Deansgate Locks.
We'd invited Inspector Hanson but he'd not responded. Then again Confidential hears he might be keeping his powder dry for a rumoured One Show appearance regarding his 'dangerous city' comments.
You can understand why he'd go for TV and not walk around with people who live in the city and know it. On the One Show he'll achieve maximum exposure for not only rubbishing Manchester but also for making a political point about how the Police Federation think the Coalition Government has gone too far in cutting police funding. In truth that's been his game all along.
So without Cinders we wandered and observed for two hours.
Police give friendly advice in Piccadilly
I jotted some figures down in a somewhat random fashion.
Police: 17 officers spotted with three vans and two cars - not sure how many officers were in the vehicles. Certainly more than scaredy-cat Hanson had mentioned.
Public urination: 3 occasions
Fighting: 0
Beggars: 12
Hen parties: 9
Stag parties: 4
Overflowing bins: 9
Women walking through streets on their own: 22
Numbers of people out in the streets: thousands
Favourite overheard dialogue: First lad: "Shall we go to the Blue Pig?" Second lad: "You're a blue pig."
Normally if I'm out after midnight in the city I've had somewhere between three pints and a skinful. Sober on the streets, I felt like an anthropologist observing the curious ways of the natives but there was nothing sinister or edgy along the whole route.
We only came close to one incident.
"Bit boring this," said Cllr Karney, tongue-in-cheek, as we reached our final destination, Deansgate Locks at 1.30am. "There's nothing going on."
"You look like the sort of men who'd like to see some naked girls," interrupted a man with flyers from Obsessions 'gentlemen's club' to Cllrs Karney and Peel.
"Not really," they laughed.
Cllrs Karney and Peel with the red glow of naked women at Obsessions luring them from over Peel's head
Just at that minute over Rochdale Canal on the boardwalk of Deansgate Locks five lads with bulging biceps and pecs bigger than the chests of Page Three models - or the Obssessions' girls - were trying to muscle their way into The Comedy Store. The bouncers were starting to bounce. Two police officers walked up, calmed it down and it was all over. No fists but a few choice words were thrown. Well done, officers.
The police seemed to be doing exemplary work across the city centre on our tour.
Some almost bother
There was no other threatening misbehaviour to report but there was vulgarity. Lewdness.
At about 1am in the Village three girls had leaned forward over a taxi bonnet, bared their arses and got a lad to take a picture of them with their phones - he took one on his own phone for good measure. He wasn't the only one.
As they retreated the girls found out the media were present begged us not to use any pictures we might have taken of their arsing about. Turned out they were teachers. How curious I thought. If you don't want it recorded in 2014 don't do it in the first place. Have they never heard of social media?
We asked them whether they felt worried about coming out in the city centre. They said no. All the people we asked said no.
The crazy Village
The MEN tagging along made me smile.
It was the MEN who started all the fuss with their June 28 story quoting Hanson. The article was illustrated by a slideshow of twelve pictures of one party of drunken individuals - one party - as proof of misdeeds. The pictures were labelled 'Carnage in Manchester 2014'. The t-shirts on the party members clearly read November 2013. The paper had used old pictures and claimed they were recent. Bad form. Naughty.
Hanson's quotes were jumped upon by the Daily Telegraph, the Guardian, the tabloids, then gained their own momentum and spun off across the planet. Suddenly the work of the Greater Manchester tourism authorities was that little bit more difficult.
Yet I was told by the Councillors on our midnight tour the MEN were 'sympathetic' to proving Manchester is not as bad after midnight as Hanson had made out.
Really? I just know there'll be another cheap-win gallery of drunken pics in a few weeks. Sensationalist papers will always seek sensationalism even though it harms the city they purport to represent. The MEN can't help themselves. They never can, it's in the blood.
Outside the Britannia Hotel, it's an easy-going evening
What is clear is that Hanson's 'danger after midnight' comments will not prevent young people coming into town to enjoy themselves. They will have their fun no matter what. That's not the problem area.
"It's the older visitors we have to worry about," said Joan Davies during a warm-down pint in Dimitris on Deansgate at 1.35am. "I'm not sure many older people stay out much after midnight anyway - Hanson's in his forties I believe. Let's hope his comments don't put off people coming in full stop."
This is the worry with the rash words from Inspector Hanson. They reinforce fear in people from the suburbs and shires, his words might deter them from coming in at any time not just in the late evening. All Hanson has done is spread anxiety. Another booster for the Trafford Centre.
Not that there isn't weekend trouble in the city centre fuelled by alcohol. Of course there is. The police reports show us this. Bar and restaurant owners tell us it happens. Horrible individual incidents reinforce this. We are aware our walk was merely a snapshot of particular parts of the city at a particular time. Trouble might have been flaring nearby and we wouldn't necessarily have been aware of it.
The Printworks - not much going on here
But for me, a sober eyewitness, it was an easy night, interesting throughout, amusing on occasion - the Village and the Northern Quarter were the liveliest areas. It felt sort of happy - if quieter with the students on vacation. The number of women walking the streets alone was interesting. They weren't drunk and they clearly felt comfortable enough to do so.
Familiarity breeds contempt but it can also breed content. Manchester is my city and now in middle-age I know what I like and I know which bars and pubs to visit, which areas to seek out. Use it and you become comfortable.
Joan Davies again.
"Midnight Manchester is hardly dangerous. It's nowhere near mayhem and far from madness. There's a less documented offer of sit-down quieter spaces which attract an older clientele."
Easy does it in the Northern Quarter
I know a senior Manchester writer who has had 'the fear' of the city centre for fifteen years. When I first started going out in the city in the eighties his worries would have made more sense. Weekend drinking seemed exclusively for the young. Pubs such as Mr Thomas's on Cross Street closed at 7.30pm after the post work trade had gone.
In 2014 all age-groups have never had it better. They can pick and choose when to come in and where to go. And the more age-variety on the streets, the more people coming in, the safer they will feel. Hanson's words hinder that happening.
Village life
Cllr Kevin Peel, looking back on our stroll, said: "Our walkabout proved what anyone who actually visits the city centre of a weekend evening knows - it's a great place for a good night out. Yes there are a few idiots and some issues with a minority of venues, takeaways and taxis which we need to do more to address, but the city centre is not a 'dangerous' place to be."
Of course Inspector Hanson isn't bothered about this truth - he wanted to make a point and Manchester, unfortunately, was the vehicle.
He knew exactly how provocative his words were and just you how predictable the press would be in picking it up. They didn't disappoint.
You can follow Jonathan Schofield on Twitter @JonathSchofield or connect via Google+
The Locks rocking
Sneaky fag in the smoking pen outside Gorilla
Fill bloody bins
Piccadilly drinks offers
