The Fifty Shades Of Grey ‘Effect’

SO I finally succumbed to Fifty Shades of Grey (FSOG). Despite the current hoopla surrounding the book, I had no intention of reading it. It was only after a friend opened up about several personal issues which the book had raised for her that I decided to give it a go.

This is, in essence, Pygmalion with Paddles, My Fair Lady with Floggers, Pretty Woman with Whips.

As the book has previously been reviewed by Lynda Moyo, here, I don’t wish to add anything further aside from my opinion that this is, in essence, Pygmalion with Paddles, My Fair Lady with Floggers, Pretty Woman with Whips. Oh, and that the story’s anaemic, the writing repetitive, the characters one-dimensional, and the plot poverty-stricken. But, then, what do you expect of a piece of fanfiction that owes its very existence to the Twilight series? 

My Fair Lady With Floggers?

If I want to get my libidinal rocks off, Anaïs Nin has long been the woman I turn to. With her visceral, impassioned, intelligent writing, she manages to breathlessly and imaginatively connect head, heart, and sex in her (unexpurgated) diaries and collection of short stories (Delta of Venus and Little Birds) in one fell swoop. If you want to learn something about good quality erotic writing and human nature, you’d do worse than read her. Nin’s prose can turn me on in less time than it takes to read this sentence.    

Anais NinBut back to Fifty Shades.

Apparently, it’s the BDSM element of the book that has titillated so many, igniting the dormant sexual desire of folk across the world, and contributing to what’s been hailed as the ‘FSOG Effect’ with some observers saying, ‘This book will change your wife’.

But just what is it about this book that has caught the attention of masses? Well, for one, its accessibility. It is, after all, hardly highbrow reading. The liberal dashing of sex scenes, the lack of coarse sexual references (‘down there’ and ‘his length’, for example), the book’s discreet packaging, and the saccharine sweet romance all help, I’m sure. As Barbara Taylor Bradford wrote in a recent article in The Lady magazine:

‘... the book has ultimately become a guide to the bedroom for a generation that simply hasn’t ever thumbed through those old erotic classics [D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover and Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer to the really quite shocking Story of O by Pauline Réage] and so has no real sexual reference points. In the absence of Lady Chatterley, of course Anastasia seems alluring.

‘It is, then, a very modern romantic fairytale. A young woman’s fantasy. A shopping list for couples looking to spice up their love lives. And people are reading it for that reason, not because it’s a novel of any particular note.’

While writing this article, another friend posted the following comment on my Facebook account in response to an epic rant I’d written about my thoughts and feelings on the book:

‘Just a throwaway thought... I wonder if the attraction to the subject for women (aside from the writer’s ability, or not), is some kind of subconscious kickback against the way society now is, the expectations it holds for women? It is well known that powerful men are drawn to a dominatrix as a way of temporarily relinquishing responsibility. I have lived through the birth of the role of women changing so radically and rapidly... equality, responsibility, okay a needed change in a lot of areas, but it comes with a price. Maybe there is a subconscious yearning for the strong man who looks after them. I still do not like this way of expressing it though.’

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard/read this; which is why, reader, I open it up to you: 

Just what was it you enjoyed about the book (or not)? Has it changed your sex life/wife? Rant at the bottom of this article.

One final note: if you’ve read any/all of the books and are wondering where to go next with regards your own sexual explorations (whether involved with another/s or single), here are a few recommendations:

Books  

- Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide by Barbara Carrellas  

- The Art of Everyday Ecstasy: The Seven Tantric Keys for Bringing Passion, Spirit and Joy into Every Part of Your Life by Margot Anand  

- The Sex Devotional: 365 Days of Passion, Positions, and Pure Pleasure by Olivia St. Claire  

- The Tao of Sexual Massage by Stephen Russell and Jurgen Kolb  

- The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino  

- The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

Toys/Pleasure Objects

- Je Joue’s ‘Ami’ – 3 Step Kegel System (also known as Ben Wa or Geisha balls). In fact, anything and everything by this company – I met with Je Joue’s Commercial Director earlier this year after testing their superb Kegels (review to follow) and, I think it’s fair to say, I’m a fan of their ethos and award-winning products www.jejoue.com

- Anything by Njoy (in particular their ‘Fun Wand Stainless Steel Dildo’) www.njoytoys.com

Njoy Fun Wand- Anything by YesForLov  (their Burning Desire set from their Pleasure Games range is particularly delicious) www.yesforlov.com

- Intima Silk Blindfold by Lelo www.lelo.com

- Glyde vegan condoms (available from Amazon and eBay UK)

- 1 Litre Sweet Almond Oil – 100% Cold Pressed (at £6.99 from Amazon UK, it’s a bargain)

Workshops

- Shakti Tantra (this is the school with whom I study Tantra and who, quite frankly, have helped changed my life – they have a Level One Women Only workshop in Glasgow on 7 September and 5 October in Somerset and also offer BDSM workshops)  www.shaktitantra.co.uk

Shakti Tantra- London Faerie (I’ve heard nothing but glowing reports about this guy and his BDSM workshops from several of my fellow Tantrikas – he’s back in Manchester in early October 2012) londonfaerie.co.uk

- Orgasmic Life Coaching (based in northwest England, Sarah Robinson often helps facilitate Shakti Tantra’s workshops and is one of the most friendly, approachable, and knowledgeable people I know regards all things sexual) orgasmiclifecoaching.com