SleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth
Sleuth In Siam
Sleuth has a chum that collects restaurants like Pandora bracelet charms (do people still do that?). He's the type that’s eaten absolutely everywhere before you have - three times. Sleuth was strolling through Chinatown this week, when, a cry of "Yoohoo,” came from across the street. “I’m heading to this new noodle place,” said the chum. “Everyone on Twitter is going crazy for it, you must come.” Bugger. Once you’ve ploughed through the bloggers stood outside on George Street (having fisticuffs over who’d seen it first and who’d tried the most dishes so far), you’ll find Siam Smiles (main picture above), a subterranean Thai half-supermarket half-diner - full review soon. Sleuth can understand the hype. The meal was fascinating, involving magenta soup, chicken blood jelly, dried fish throats, delicious duck and M150 – a Thai energy drink containing krypton that half an hour later would see Sleuth scramble up the Piccadilly Gardens big wheel like Dominic Lattlay-Fottfoy Noonan.
Sleuth's Foolish Bouncers Of The Year Award
Club Liv on Peter Street has put itself way ahead of the competition for this award in 2014 by barring entry to a pregnant women for wearing flat shoes. Eight months pregnant Abby Ashcroft, 28 and a teacher, was out with her friends and drinking orange juice. Still Abby need not fear too much, in a few months - after her child is born - she can dress like a proper woman should, high heels, short skirt, low top. Then she'll have no problem, bouncers always love that dress code.
NFM’s Gross Addition
Sleuth’s glad to see the National Football Museum following in the footsteps of MCR’s cultural old guard. Where the Museum of Science and Industry has the desiccated remains of famed scientist John Dalton’s eyeballs, the Portico Library supposedly keeps a lock of Victorian novelist Elizabeth Gaskell’s hair, while the Manchester Museum boasts Old Stan, a 65-million-year-old T-Rex skeleton. Well, the NFM might have topped the lot. This week, they announced the procurement of… wait for it… the hair of Robbie Savage. Up yours Stan. The hair has instantly become the least attractive visitor attraction in Manchester.
Robbie please take that disgusting thing off the table, people eat their lunch here
MCR’s Most Useless Salesman
Before Sleuth got collared and dragged into Siam Smiles (above) and force-fed congealed chicken blood (imagine jellied compost), Sleuth happened across the chap below. Now Sleuth has been stopped in the street a number of times by Lebara Mobile salesmen, who offer international calls to places like Antartica, Pakistand and Venus for thrupence or something. Sleuth answer is always the same, he knows nobody on Venus, but admires their perseverance. Not so much this one. Either this Lebara salesman was MCR’s most useless salesman or had been knocked unconscious by the dislodged flying fence panel behind him. Sleuth didn’t check.
Zzzzzzzzzz
‘Licorice’ Beer Takes Prizes
Two Greater Manchester breweries have scooped gold at the Great British Beer Festival 2014, organised by the Campaign for Real Ale at Olympia in London. Manchester-based Marble Brewery’s Chocolate Marble, described on their site as ‘an unclassifiable beer straddling milds to porters, tasting of coffee, cocoa and licorice with a quenching bitter finish’, was Champion Bottled Beer. While the Dark Mild from Bank Top in Bolton won the Mild competition, ‘full-bodied with a malt and roast aroma, rich mouthfeel and complex taste, including roast malt and licorice.’ Well done folks, but that flowery language... And 'mouthfeel'? Sleuth votes this 2014's most ubiquitous and distasteful (ho, ho) food and drink porn expression of the year.
Mild mouthfeel
“Which Way’s The Brothel?”
Sleuth was walking past The Wellington Monument in Piccadilly Gardens this week. Sleuth was with an out-of-town pal of old, discussing Matthew Noble’s grand bronze statue (1855) featuring the Duke on a plinth surrounded by four allegorical figures of War, Peace, Victory and Justice when a cry came out from a less allegorical shadowy figure sat at the base of the statue. “’Ere mate, do you know where the nearest whorehouse is?” “No,” replied Sleuth, “but back in the day the good Duke stood above you might have been able to tell you, he was known to enjoy the company of a courtesan or two.” A pause. “Who is this Duke and where can I find him?” asked the less allegorical figure.
Sleuth Averts His Eyes
Sleuth's colleague went to the Pride Erotica exhibition launch at 2022 Gallery in the Northern Quarter. She learnt many things including Z is for Zoology in which it appears tigers are getting confused in their attempts to remove themselves from the endangered species list and mate... with anything. The exhibition is called Cockadoodle and, as the picture reveals, is not for the overly sensitive. Or your gran.
Tigger likes a jump
Sleuth And The Balkanisation Of Manchester
Sleuth hears rumours of yet another new opening. This one looks set for Lloyd Street in the city centre and is apparently going to be called the Baltic Kitchen featuring Eastern European cuisine, with a couple of tables annexed by Russian cuisine.
Sleuth's Poster Of The Week
Sleuth likes an ironic distortion as much as the next roving city commentator.
Topless? Oh yes I see
