iOS 11 brings 11 new food emoji: we give it 24 hours until they start being used for rude things...
iOS 11.1 is released this week, and amongst the life-changing updates - such as the Wifi on/off button not turning Wifi on/off any more - there's a host of new emoji.
The new additions increase inclusivity and representation for all (yay!) including genies, mer-people, and Wales. Most importantly there's 11 new food emoji that you've been desperate for, just like you were for the bacon and avocado ones last year, and how often have you used those in the past 12 months?
Here they are in reverse order of deliciousness:
11. Takeout Box
No idea what’s in that carton, but the important thing is what’s sticking out of it: chopsticks protruding vertically is a symbol of death in China, and this could very easily be misconstrued as a threat. Don’t let the pursuit of brevity lead to a criminal prosecution.
10. Tin of soup
I mean it’s hardly Warhol, is it? The fact that this is the kind of thing that would serve as sustenance, entertainment, and potentially companionship down in our fallout shelters in a few weeks time really makes you realise that mutually assured nuclear destruction might be A Bad Thing.
The salt is too round and too uniform, it looks like spores of mold. Next.
Don’t get me wrong coconut is delicious, but I’m gonna need that baby ready-milked in a tin, inside a Bounty, or full of pina colada. What am I, Tom Hanks in Castaway?
7. Cup with a straw
As iconic as it is, seeing a plastic straw brings back memories of that video where the turtle is getting one pliered out of his nose. Just drink straight out of the cup my dude.
Also, the Five Guys colourway means there’s as much chance of that cup being full of Peach Fanta Zero as there is of a delicious Cherry Vanilla Coke with a dash of Lime Coke to really make it pop.
Broccoli is the best vegetable without a shadow of a doubt, but you just know people are going to start using this as a stand-in for weed and we’re just going to have a repeat of the aubergine-emoji misunderstanding. Honestly Mum, I was just saying I fancied baba ghanoush for tea.
Inconsistent colouring on the lid suggests you didn’t incorporate the sugar into that pâte sucrée, but the crimping is impeccable and the little puff of steam coming out of it is a delightful touch. Not star baker quality, but I wouldn’t think you’ll be getting sent home this week.
4. Fortune Cookie
Don’t get me wrong, this is a beautifully faithful rendition of a fortune cookie-shell. But like my Mum always tells me: “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”. Also “If you want moussaka just ask, it makes me feel uncomfortable when you send that aubergine emoji”
Non-specific sandwich meat, tomato, cheese, and lettuce, all suggestively frilling out of the edge of thick-sliced white. It’s like a mirage: the platonic ideal of “food” that your mind would conjure as you grow delirious on a desert island, before snapping back to reality and realising you’re surrounded by coconuts. And you can’t even crack them because you spent your time on the mainland reviewing emoji rather than building upper body strength.
The subtle off-red colouring; the tasteful thickness of it - Oh my god, it even has marbling. Is that, bone? and so on.
This is just fantastic - the translucent skin hints at a filling but leaves just enough to the imagination to let your mind run wild, and precise detail on the crimping suggests this was hand-crafted by somebody at the very top of their game. This appears to be a gyoza/pierogi, but the opportunities are endless: if this quality can be sustained I’d pay good money for a dumpling version of Kimoji.