'Mary…Simon…Vincent, I wanted them all' - Grumpy’s, Farsley, reviewed

If you live in Farsley but are not from Farsley, there are only really a couple of places to hang out that don’t resemble a scene from The World’s End. The Sunny Bank Mills development has made the most of it’s location, drawing in families and young professionals. And with them, comes a need for pizza and brunch. 

The latter is in the capable hands of The Mill Kitchen, and right next door, Grumpy’s Bar + Wood Fired Pizza is sure to put a smile on your face. Just back from Florence, you’d think I’d had enough of the stuff, but Italy or West-Yorkshire, pizza is pizza.

If I lived in Farsley, I’d be in here every weekend

Grumpy’s branding is bang on; simple, round fonts, playful graphics, pink confetti. Inside is as cute. With coloured chairs and bunting, it’s a bit like an Ikea kids showroom, complete with those slitted lampshades that take three days to assemble. Linotype prints hang below the Mill’s original beams. 

The space has had an update since the sisters opened last year. It’s brighter, less industrial; most striking is the painted pizza oven, now blue with fun stencil shapes, handiwork of a local friend and artist. Fierce orange flames lick from the clay’s cavity, leaving those tell tale black spots on each crust of dough.

It certainly whacks out some heat, almost unbearably so, and despite the imminent thunderstorm, we opted to sit outdoors. The adjacent car park was no Piazza del Duomo. The glasses were dishwasher warm too, but our spirits weren’t dampened with the arrival of an impressive drinks list. Local craft beers, proper cocktails, unusual vegan wines. Our Nostros Reserva Pinot Noir (£18.95), a cherry ripe Chilean, was a cut above. 

There are a few starters, mainly carbs and cheese; baked camembert (£8.50), garlic and herb bread (£4.00), dough balls (£4.00). The deli sharer is a bit steep at £14.00, considering the suspiciously triangular wedge of cheddar, packet meats, and olives that had just hopped from their briny jar. The goat's cheese was better, spread on fennel crackers, topped with slices of apple, walnuts and tangy caramelised onions. 

Grumpy’s aren’t pretending to be Italian. This board could showcase some exciting West Yorkshire produce, but it’s okay, only greedy buggers like us order a starter when pizza’s the main event. Save yourselves. 

Mary…Simon…Vincent, I wanted them all, like an indecisive Lou Bega. I went for Phil (£8.00). Solid guy. Rich tomato flavour, mozzarella just wet enough to not slop down your front, tasty pesto, add the recommended blue cheese (+£1.50). They’re  eleven inch, meaning children can definitely handle one without too much crust wasted. All can be made with a gluten free base, (+£2.00), and anything added/taken away. 

You can tell Mum’s Alex & Cassie had fussy eaters in mind. Our other choice, Jean (£8.50), might have been missing her promised nuts, but a white base, three cheeses and a scattering of sage leaves, furled under the ovens heat did the job. A kick of chilli might have cut through the dairy, but perhaps that was the walnut's job. 

Our rocket salad (£3.75) was average, the balsamic glaze sweet and thick. The vegan slaw (£3.00) was mega oily, quarter chunks of red onion dominating the bowl. Brace yourselves and breathe through your mouth.

Little ones will love the desserts; brownie of the day (£5.00), a few specials from Tarte & Berry. In the spirit of gluttony we went for the ice cream sandwich (£6.00), about as sickly as you can get. Two scoops of ice cream rapidly melting between real motorway-service-station-dirty white chocolate chip cookies. Kids might want to share unless you’re prepared for a sleepless night. By the sounds of it, I was, so I went for an affogato (£6.00) which comes with a shot of amaretto. Lush. 

For some reason we ended up with an extra bowl of ice cream, but we got to keep it, so no one’s complaining.The next table suffered a mix-up too. Perhaps the casual order at the bar policy has it’s faults. I’d taken a pen and paper up, where a happy, if clammy communal few were eating on high stools.

If I lived in Farsley, I’d be in here every weekend. The community spirit is huggable. There’s a Sunday quiz with a tin foil round for God’s sake. Is it worth a train to New Pudsey and then a fifteen minute walk from the station? If you love pizza yes. But skip the sides and crack a breadstick at home. 

2, Old Combing, Paradise St, Farsley, Leeds LS28 5UJ