HAVE you heard the one about the Scouser who walks into a pub in the City of London. The barman looks at him and says: “Calm down, calm down,” and everybody in the boozer falls about in uncontrollable laughter.
"It's only bit of harmless pub banter innit? CALM DOWN!" Ooh, watch them hubcaps, while you're at it, etc. But not for the bloke from Brum who pipes up: “Why are you taking the piss out of the way I talk?” - and the Scouser who bites his lip and refrains from muttering something about insult to injury.
As Peter McGovern penned in his famous ballad: we speak with an accent exceedingly rare. But do Liverpudlians have the most untrustworthy accent in the United Kingdom?
Perhaps the unfair character assassination of the people of Liverpool should be a crime, in the same way other sections of society are now protected by law from demonisation and attack
A new poll looking at people’s perceptions of various different UK accents shows the “scouse” accent is the most popular for mimicking for comedic effect.
As if that isn’t bad enough, the pollsters add that it is trusted by just one percent of the 2,000 people surveyed, making it the most dodgy in the country, along with that of Norfolk.
Might as throw in another finding: we also come bottom in the chart for the most intelligent sounding accent. “Queen’s English” (whatever that is) topped the poll with 64 percent.
Comfortingly, we are only third from the bottom when it comes to the hardest to understand accents, ahead of Geordie and Scottish brogues.
Birth of the stereotype: Brookside Close
The poll has been commissioned as a way of generating publicity for a new adult “guess-the-accent” party game invented by Heswall-born Dr Graeme Fraser-Bell.
Steering well away from the “untrustworthy” line, he said: “The association of Scouse with some of the UK's finest comedians over many decades has clearly resonated with the population as a whole. There are also a couple of well-known, easy-to-mimic perceived phrases that can be called on for instant comedy effect by many, which could also explain why Scouse has come out on top as the go-to accent for comedic value.
“The game is all about people doing bad impressions of good accents. Few party games are capable of reducing people to tears of laughter within seconds of opening the box.”
It’s a fine line, deciding whether to ignore these silly but divisive polls, or challenge them. We’re famed around these parts for our self deprecation and humour, but link an accent with the words “untrustworthy” and “unintelligent” - let’s be honest they are saying we are cheats, liars, fraudsters and thick - and it ceases to be funny.
From a blog called BoreMe
Every city has its scallies, and the vast majority of people in Liverpool speak with lovely accents, influenced by a fusion of Welsh, Irish and Lancashire dialects. Yet, even some of our most prominent people in the national spotlight can overdo it: the Huyton twang of England Captain Steven Gerrard, for example, or the trowel with which the ever popular John Bishop lays it on thick in his TV and radio appearances.
If we are talking about perception, then, it might have been cheaper and better to have shelled out for enforced lessons in pronunciation, for the likes of Cilla, Tarby and Bishop, rather than spend millions of pounds on business festivals.
You could even heap some of the blame on Liverpool's newly crowned creative industries tsar, Phil Redmond, for convincing the nation we are no more than a gaggle of Barry Grants and Terry Sullivans.
In the same way that a daily diet of banner headlines in our local newspaper gives the impression that Liverpool is the British outpost of The Wire, unchallenged claims that the city is populated by dodgy thickos is not exactly sending out the correct messages to inward investors.
Why on Earth would they want to bring their businesses to a place where they will employ people who will rob them blind and they won't understand a word they say anyway?
There is an app
That’s the Liverpool in the minds of pollsters and quote-me-quick PR people, which filters down to the Old Bull and Bush. In the real world we know different, but if you say something enough it becomes "the truth".
Perhaps the unfair character assassination of the people of Liverpool should be a crime, in the same way other sections of society are now protected by law from demonisation and attack. Or is that suggestion merely reverting to stereotype? After all, everyone knows how much we like a good whinge.
Maybe, in the way we grant the freedom of the city to people who have championed Liverpool, we should have an antidote: tell certain people who do us no favours to sling their hook.
But let us not forget those bent and brainless bankers who brought this nation - and this city to its knees. They weren't talking in any nasal scouse twang: they looked down their noses and fleeced us in perfect Queen’s English.
Further reading here.
