What's New Pussy Cash ?

By Reggie McCough

So Banksy's Cat has been hacked off 
Well I'm hacked off as well
I know a lot of his stuff's rubbish 
but it's rubbish you can sell!

Painting bloody pictures 
on some bugger's private wall
Now before the sodding paint's dry, 
Sotheby's, get a call.

Public art my arse, 
not on someone's private land
you may as well draw a cheque. 
It's like bloody cash in hand.

Come back up to Liverpool! 
You miserable little git
I've thirty foot of garden fence, 
you can bloody cover it.

I'm not fussed, paint anything
just come and spray it on
a rat, a cat whatever you like
in the morning it'll be gone.

Before they all come out to say
oh what a clever boy
he's sprayed a picture on the fence
that we can all enjoy.

Well they can bugger off
the fence is mine
it all belongs to me
if you want to look at art
then go to a gallery.

I'll take it down and wrap it up
and put it all away
then I'll get the dealers in
to see how much they'll pay.

Oh yes! I'll be quids in
I can give up work for good
Come on Banksy do your stuff
on thirty foot of wood.

But not on the wall, you dozy get
I don't want some disaster
with the bloody stuff in smithereens
as I hack off the plaster.

Or great big holes left in my walls
unless I can sell them too
You know, Barbara Hepworth, she did holes
and they're worth a bob or two.

The bigger the hole that she carved out
the more the mugs would pay
If I'd been her I'd have just done holes
and chip the lot away.

At least she put some effort in
as she'd hammer and chisel all day
not like Banksy, the lazy get
with a stencil and two minute spray.

There's loads of people who say it's crap
but I'm sure it must be good
I mean the less crap ones fetch six figure sums
He's.... just misunderstood.

Well I understand. And I've seen his work
and to the art world he's a saint
He now converts old bricks to gold 
with just a squirt of paint.

So come on you b*stard! Paint my fence 
make me rich with your stencilled rats
and put a few quid my way lad
instead of some other tw... (that's quite enough, Reggie, eds).