From festive turds to wearable sprouts, we check out the ugliest knits of the holiday season.
We’ve all got that one friend. The one that winces when they hear a Christmas number one, shouts obscenities when they’re included in secret Santa or curses you when you announce your plans to erect your Christmas tree before 20 December. The one that doesn’t cry at the John Lewis Christmas advert. You wonder why you’re even friends with each other every time Christmas comes around.
Several years of tackling miserable-as-hell Christmas-haters has led me to one conclusion: the only way to deal with these soul-sucking Scrooges is to fly your festivities in the face of their anti-Christmasness. And the best way to rub a Scrooge’s face in the holiday season? A garishly glamorous Christmas jumper.
From hilarious holiday motifs to the classic novelty knit, these are our favourite hideous Christmas jumpers from across the net. *Scrooge disapproval guaranteed *
Boohoo tops the novelty knit charts with an unusual offering of a twin elf jumper. Easily mistaken for a factory mishap, the elf-styled jumper comes with enough room for you plus your boyfriend, bestie or kitchen sink, meaning this year you’re sure to be twinning at Christmas.
Budget supermarket ASDA makes it onto the list with a cheerful tunic complete with glitzy sequins and a sparkly headband. Irresistible come December 1st.
Another contender from Boohoo. Because nothing says Christmas like a turd in a Santa hat.
Okay ASOS, okay. We get it. The retail market is competitive. So sometimes you have to do something a bit daring to stand out. But covering a basic knit in last year’s tinsel is not one of those things. Picture your poor customers walking past doors/hooks/any-kind-of-sticking-out-object. It would be carnage.
Love it, hate it – fancy wearing it? Whatever your thoughts on the mighty Xmas pud, Boohoo has released a pudding-themed knit to end all discussion. *Flaming brandy sauce not required.*
Wreaths, robins, trees and tinsel – you name it, this Christmas jumper has it. A frivolously festive knit.
What could make a Christmas jumper all the more rage-inducing? How about a picture of Trump at his merriest.
Red and green? So last Christmas. This year, upgrade your novelty knit with turbo-charged neons. After all, Christmas jumpers were never meant to be easy on the eyes.
Trust Topshop to take something classic and turn it into an abstract mash-up. The Topshop take on a Christmas jumper features a festive wreath, but not as you know it.
Why be classy at Christmas when you can have Santa’s butt plastered across your torso alongside a defamatory slogan.
Green is the colour of the season, so rock it head-to-toe with this festive little number from ASDA. No Christmas combo is complete without a star-capped hat – to create an authentic Christmas tree look. Or for extra style points, upgraded your headwear for ASDA’s brussels sprout hat.
Introducing the new ‘elf on the shelf’ – the perfect look for singletons at the office Christmas party.